They say if you don't know where you are going, you are likely to end up somewhere else. I am not certain where I am going with this topic in this blog...
I had been thinking of this topic before redtigr posted her blogs on sex. The blogs as well as some of the comments renewed my thinking on it. So, where do I start? One would expect that a woman past the half-century mark would have a clear vision of her own personal sexual morality -- the rules by which she plays -- the guidelines for knowing how to enjoy sexuality and at the same time maintain self-respect. Sometimes, I think I am there; lately and this morning in particular, I know I am not.
If you've read my early blogs and some of my forum posts, you know that I grew up in a very religious home. I went to church twice on Sunday for more than twenty years and went to Christian schools through two years of college. I heard Thou shalt not commit adultery at least once a week, as the ten commandments were read in morning services every Sunday. When teenagers turned up pregnant before marriage, there was public confession. There was definitely a line in the sand. For me there was no question about when sex entered a relationship -- it was on the wedding night.
Marriages lasted in that community. I had only one classmate (out of a class of 140) whose parents were divorced. When an uncle and aunt had their 50th anniversary in the late 90s and had four generations celebrating with them -- six children, many grandchildren and great-grandchildren -- they were proud to point out that there were no divorces in the family.
I have a very uncommon last name. I believe there are fewer than 100 families with the name in the US. One year, I saw another in the phone book for the greater Houston area. It was a woman with a first name of Juanita. Since our ethnic origns are Dutch, I was almost sure that Juanita must have been married and was widowed or divorced. After a phone call one evening from someone with the same last name who was visiting for a time from The Netherlands, I called Juanita and we compared family notes and history. We had grown up in very similar communities -- there is a large Dutch community in Michigan as well as Southwest MN/Northwest IA -- and had very similar backgrounds -- actually her grandfather had been a minister in the Christian Reformed Church, while for me, it was only an uncle. She had not married because she did not want to be the first in her family to divorce. She had two children fathered by the man with whom she lived, but she had to be very careful, because Texas is a common law marriage state and she did not want to wind up married. Somehow for her the transgression of the seventh commandment was more acceptable than divorce It seems so ridiculous, but I understand perfectly.
My father, as head of our home, considered himself our spiritual leader until we would be married, when our husbands would take over the role of spiritual head. At least that was the way it worked for my sister and me. I am not sure what the application was for my brother. He did not ever want to hear about us dating any divorced men. In his view, divorce did not nullify a marriage. Dating a married man was tantamount to committing adultery. When my sister married a man who was divorced with a grown family, it was more than ten years before my father met her husband.
My father's parents were both married to others prior to their marriage, and perhaps it was the grief caused by the prior marriages/divorces that made my father particularly judgmental when it came to divorce. My grandparents tried, unsuccessfully, almost to the dying day of my grandfather, to gain membership in the Christian Reformed Church, so they could take communion, but the divorces and questions about their marriage prevented that from happening.
This is my background -- more to follow
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read more blogs!
Blogs by lacyvsq:
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| Sexual morality -- Part 1 |
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apink_tigress
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Sep 30 @ 12:22PM
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I understand exactly what you mean.
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Bojangles102
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Sep 30 @ 12:30PM
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Sex and morality could be, in many ways, apples and oranges.
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Lovinheart445
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Sep 30 @ 1:45PM
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Your blog brought back feelings I first experienced 8 years ago. It was during my seperation from my first wife that I met my future second wife. I had , or thought I had, good moral, and christian beliefs. I had never cheated on my first wife all the long years we were married. I believed in God's laws, and tried to follow them. Aldultry was out of the question. I only wanted to be friends with my future second wife, but she wanted more. I told her I was only seperated, and not divorced, but I was becoming so interested in her that I thought I was going to loose her if I didn't step up to the plate. So I did, and when we had become intimate I told her that I thought I had just sold my soul to the devil. It was a awful feeling of shame. It tore a big hole from my soul, and I felt I had threw away all my values. I wasn't a valid person anymore. It took many years, and prayers for forgivness, to feel like a decent human being again. I went against God's will, and laws, and will never go there again.
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unionman154
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Oct 17 @ 11:08AM
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i grew up in west michigan just north of holland in a town called grand haven and there you werent much if you werent dutch lol .my first wife and mother to my two kids is one hundred percent dutch.i cant still recall listening to her grandparents speak the language.so i know what you are speaking of here in your blog. ok on to part two lol hugs lacy .you sure can write like someone else i know.you probably dont know her but she goes by the name of jentoblues lol just being silly here. thanks for sharing your thoughts with us all bye paul 
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