I've been challenged by redtigr to push her inquiry into men's attitude toward sex a bit farther.
There is a woman about whom you know more than just the profile. She blogs, posts to fora, emails, IMs or phones you and she is in the right age bracket. You get an unmistakable message that she would welcome sex on the first meeting and will make sure a first meeting happens if you agree.
The real questions are:
1) Has it happened or can you envision it happening to you?
2) What assumptions do you make about a woman who proposes sex or is seemingly willing to engage freely when there is no real relationship and little or no indication of a relationship ongoing?
3} What is your opinion of a woman holding Martin's default male's definition of "good sex"? "sex unencumbered:" a sexual encounter free of the entanglements of a protracted relationship.
*Deep breath...I certainly hope I am handling this challenge wisely*
Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)
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read more blogs!
Blogs by lacyvsq:
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| OK gentlemen -- now my curiosity... |
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jentoblues101
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Oct 12 @ 10:02AM
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(Can't wait to read the responses to this one, and I'm looking forward to perusing them this evening)
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imsingle2
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Oct 12 @ 10:46AM
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#1: No...
#2: I couldn't have respect for someone I hadn't met to make such a statement... May be hard to believe but, one night stands are for egotistic persons... The ACT is an extension of inner feelings not the other way around...
#3: Does anyone really know..? It's soemthing only the individual can feel and probably can't even describe it, if it's truly real... True emotions cannot make words...
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CrackerJackPat
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Oct 12 @ 10:52AM
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Okay Lacy & redtigr....
Hate to admit it... but you even drew me in on this one. 
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Martin666
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Oct 12 @ 11:20AM
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Hi imsingle2,
I agree with you on #1 and #2--you and I are both pretty socialized.
But I disagree with you on #3. Any man knows exactly what his default (optimal, most exciting) sexual experience is: it's that set of persons, places, and conditions that a man fantasizes about during masturbation. Analyze that for the womans body type, age, degree of relational "entanglement," spontaneity of the encounter, and the degree to which the man either controls or does not control all or parts of the scenario, and you have your own personal default.
Every man knows this...
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TzuKeeper
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Oct 12 @ 12:06PM
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The dog I am....Well now personaly I can't even agree to a one night stand before I have actually met and looked into their eyes, there is a certain degree of emotional entanglement when getting to personal levels of conversation with someone online, but I would still have to meet them to find that sexual attraction also. Very important to me, I have recently had a woman chat with me online and after about half an hour all of a sudden insert her phone# into the conversation and tell me she wants to have a little fun, no... she has since taken me off her friends list and removed me from her msn. No problem, I for one want closer contact then the phone or im.....
 Chris
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PsychoMagnet
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Oct 12 @ 12:20PM
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I'm saving myself for (another) marriage . . .
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beachnutRU
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Oct 12 @ 12:28PM
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Morning Lacy,
1) YES, it has happened hell it almost happened again but thankfully it didn't happen.
2) That is quite a long sentence grammar girl.  (for those who don't know Lacy is my editor for that dribble I put on here as far as keeping grammatical carnage to a minimum, yes we are buds)  I would assume that the woman had an idea of what she was wanting in a relationship, and that she was willing to risk it in the name of adventure with the possibility of an ongoing relationship or nothing.(mines longer)((sentence))
3) I try to not judge anyone for what they do especially in cyberworld. I can't judge the gal that stood at least three of us up on Matchdoctor. I thought I would be different, I was not. Can I judge her, no, not effectively. I have no idea what issues she wakes up with each day. I opt for being pleasantly surprised.
Good questions Lacy. I agree with Chrisbut I would still have to meet them to find that sexual attraction also. Its like taking inventory, seeing what's there and what's not. 
Virgil
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Tunes4u
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Oct 12 @ 12:30PM
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#1 Yes...it has happened..more than a couple times.....but I didn't agree to the act, just the meeting. Sometimes the meeting didn't happen because I made it clear where I stood. . But I have met a few who said they didn't care if I didn't want the physical contact...that they "understood"....they still wanted to meet. But they assumed they could change my mind I think. They were wrong. Usually, when that happens, ( refusing the act) the budding relationship fades. On both ends. For different reasons. Especially on my end. Not always....but mostly. Depends on the true motive.
#2 & #3 ..... A woman who thinks like that , thinks differently than I do. Which is fine for her. I have no problem with her preferences. They just aren't mine. She is not the girl I am looking for as far as a real relationship or a physical one is concerned. I have met women like this. Acquaintances, or maybe even a friendship could/has evolved. But I have to hold respect as part of the equation for having any sort of meaningful long lasting close relationship. Which just means essentially, to me, that she needs to hold respect for herself just as important as having respect for her partner. The way I think, well....I just don't think there is any such thing as casual sex. It always seems to have consequences of one sort or another. Sometimes those are not very casual.
Maybe it's just a matter of respect for the act of sex? Hell I don't know. My brain hurts. I am in WAY over my head! lol I probably didn't even answer the questions!
Cool blog....you guys are smart! Just gimme my guitar! I'll find "her" someday...or not...lol
Tunes
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journeyfan0000
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Oct 12 @ 12:49PM
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I'm gonna get alot of lashings for this one---oh well, i can take it.........
I was talking with a guy for a couple of months from another state, it went from IM to email, to phone calls and i finally went & got a webcam so he could see that my pics were real....well, first off i couldn't work the stupid webcam---he laughed his butt off as i focused in on the deep freezer, keyboard, had it upside down...then finally focused. Whew, we did provocative shots to each other--
Me--showin the girls in a leopard print bra, dropping the shorts to show the tops of my a$$ cheeks, not saying what he showed; that's not my place to say. We laughed ourselves silly over those moments.
Anywhooo, i thought this guy was HOT, i let him know i wanted to phuck him in no uncertain terms. I have yet to turn the cam back on, but will not hesitate to let someone know i think they are hot if i run across one i have been talking to for awhile, and plan to meet
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TzuKeeper
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Oct 12 @ 1:07PM
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Journey welcome back, damn 'm just too far away from you gals. Oooops I already answered this one, why am I here? Oh yea, these women a fine 
Chris
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redtigr
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Oct 12 @ 1:13PM
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Isn't it interesting how complex the reactions are thus far ?
I must say I an still trying to figure out Martin's comment as to your # 3?? Do you mean through this analysis we as women would also arrive at our optimal default "ideal" for the purpose of fantasy and masturbation? (yeah, I have one, actually more than one.) I'm sure women are like men where this is concerned. But I think the question is what would you think of a woman who believes good sex is unencumbered by expectations of a relationship. (?)
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journeyfan0000
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Oct 12 @ 1:20PM
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Redtiger said.. But I think the question is what would you think of a woman who believes good sex is unencumbered by expectations of a relationship.
Oops, it was my thoughts that me and the aforementioned guy were going to meet and see if a relationship could be established...but i do not feel ashamed for the things we talked about (sex), because he was intelligent, witty, funny, and too damn hot for his own good. And weehaww, if we had met 
I would NOT have sex with anyone with the intention of casual sex only.
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Lovinheart445
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Oct 12 @ 4:22PM
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1...When I was a "kid" I would have had no problem with that..But now..no way. I don't do casual sex..Yes, it has happened to me, and I fulfilled her wishes which made me feel like I threw away all my values.and if I was ever faced again with having a sexual encounter, I would probably run like hell!!
2...My assumptions would be that she has no moral values nor would I have any respect for the woman.
3...imsingle2 said it well.
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Blogzilla
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Oct 12 @ 6:53PM
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#1. No...I can't speak for all men obviously but without a chase, there is no prize...not to mention, there has to be something there for the initial attraction to take place.
#2 nympho
#3 heaven
oh yeah
GRRRRRRR
stomp stomp stomp.......
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z_bach
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Oct 12 @ 9:19PM
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First off: Is fora the plural form of forum? I didn't know that.
Okay, #1 hasn't happened unless you count those Russian women, and I really don't see it happening.
#2 would totally depend on how the woman carried herself. She could either appear to be very self-actualized and aware of what she wanted-which would be something of a turn on- or she could come off as some one who is not quite stable and isn't mature enough to handle a relationship, in which case I would run like hell (for the sake of discussion let's assume you're not talking about any supermodels here, that would change my standards considerably.)
#3 I don't think very highly of. That is also my opinion of men using that definition of "good sex."
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TheOTHERmaninblack
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Oct 12 @ 9:42PM
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(remove shoes, roll up pants, step blindly into murky water)
I'm having difficulty with your logic. There was a short story I once read in college, involving a famous Russian philosopher. He encountered somebody on a train and through a long series of deductive reasoning, addressed the person by name. I remember thinking "what a load of baloney!" The trouble with the story was that, at any time, he could have missed a deduction through the sheer chance that unknown variables had entered the picture, and each logical progression beyond whatever that point may have beeen, based as they'd be on a false premise, would simply wander further astray. Please don't frown like that! I'm not attacking, I'm preparing to answer. I'll even note where I feel the logical gap in your question set is.
1. It has happened to me. I met my ex online. we emailed, we telephoned (I still don't IM), we wrote hardcopy letters back and forth. For six months. (she was in Texas, I'm in Wyoming) I got a chance to take a couple of days off to attend a writer's conference that would put me halfway between and decided to bite the bullet and drive the rest of the way afte the conference. It was made clear to me that I shouldn't pack many clothes and should start taking my vitamins right away.
We were together for almost 8 years, and she's been living here for 6 of them.
2. Here's the logic gap I was talking about. You posit that you've been emailing back and forth, you've been chatting, you've been telephoning. That is a relationship. Once you've gotten past the "my name is" and the "how old I am" stages, there ain't all that much you can say through all those venues that doesn't begin projecting who you are pretty quick. At least assuming they aren't the "tell me more, later, bye" things designed only to draw a victim out. Communication forms emotional bonds that generate physical feelings. The fact that you haven't touched/smelled/seen in the flesh the person you're bonding with, while a definite handicap, isn't as important as many might think. I fell in love with my ex before I ever saw her in person. I fell in love with her mind and with her personality. The physical act was only an escalation of an already established relationship.
You ask what assumptions I'd make about a woman who proposes sex or is seemingly willing to engage freely when there is no real relationship and little or no indication of a relationship ongoing? I ask how you could assume we could do all the communicating your initial premise suggests withOUT at least beginning to form a relationship? Is it your presupposition that no relationship is possible without physical proximity?
3, treated as the standalone I feel it to be. Firstly, I deny Martin's definition out of hand. That definition sounds more like mutually assisted masturbation. Secondly, I'd hold the same opinion of a woman holding that view as I would a man doing so. The opinion would not be high. Of course, I don't hold that sex is a purely physical act, and that no doubt colors my view.
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blkowl
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Oct 13 @ 10:54AM
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# 1 A. Too numerous to count; # 2 A. Prenotions are not necessary; #3 A. Not all sex is good sex.
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sixfoot_8
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Oct 14 @ 1:52PM
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1) Yes
2) That she is a free spirit and understands that sex is a physical act and love is an emotion, I'm going to get into trouble here but, You can have sex without love and you can have love without sex...It is much better when they both can co-exist but they can live independant of each other.
3) See question 2)
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null_geodesic
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Oct 15 @ 1:21PM
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1) Has it happened or can you envision it happening to you?
Yes, it's happened many times. Just happened Thursday, in fact. As a corollary, I can also envision it happening as well. ;-)
2) What assumptions do you make about a woman who proposes sex or is seemingly willing to engage freely when there is no real relationship and little or no indication of a relationship ongoing?
I assume that she has the healthy concept that there's different types of sex for different occasions and that she's OK with sex for purposes other than love and reproduction.
Unasked for comment: Knowing that she has a similar concept of "different types of sex for different reasons" as me, I would be more likely to want to explore the possibility of a long term relationship with her, if that's her desire.
3} What is your opinion of a woman holding Martin's default male's definition of "good sex"?
"sex unencumbered:" a sexual encounter free of the entanglements of a protracted relationship.
I think Bill's concept of default sex is self-inconsistant. I agree with his comment to this blog, but disagree with what he guesses at in "Men and Sex". They seem to be contradictory. So I don't know how to answer this question. So I don't know how to answer this question correctly.
For me, the best sex of all is with someone I'm in a deep relationship with. Someone I'm not embarrassed about telling my deepest and darkest fantasies to, and who feels no shame telling me her deepest and darkest fantasies. Someone willing to try, experiment, and act different types of scenarios and occurances.
It's impossible to do that except when you're in a very deep, very emotional, very committed relationship.
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unionman154
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Oct 17 @ 10:25AM
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has it happened to me. not online no .in life yes.what was my reaction. hell yes at the time lol.well today i would say no. been there done that. at least thats what i would hope i would say. the assumptions i would make are .she is a liberated woman with out any of societys feelings about when men behave that way they are called players and women who do so are whores .i would like to think i wouldnt jump to the conclusion that she is just some crazy woman who is a sex addict just because she was open about her true feelings.and i also might think she is just interested in a one night stand which to me is ok. just not my cup of tea at the moment lol well i jumped all over here sorry i hope it makes sense lol .great blog lacy sex sells lol what a funny comment psycho lol here is wishing you everything that is great and awesome lacy .first blog i have read of yours will be a fan i can see that.this matchdoctor site is awesome. be good be safe lacy bye paul 
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bizzarre_wit
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Nov 1 @ 11:19PM
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I'm on a roll. 3 times commenting in forums. But as was said ear;ier, Roll up the pants and step in the murky water.
1. Yes, has happened a number of times and will most likely happen again.
2. A lady that is in touch with her feelings, knows what she wants, and goes for it. I enjoy a lady who posseses a strong personality, knows her mind, and, within reason, could care less about what people think.! To me this is self-confidence and the mark of a strong person. I feel there is nothing negaitve in a lady acting this way.
3. I have no problem with a lady wanting "Good Sex" meaning without the complications of an emotional bond. Think of the times you have dated someone. started to get an emotional bond, and they "sucked" in bed. Great sex is great sex regardless of the circimstances as long a both are consenting.
There's my "two cents" again for two days in a row. Time to disappear for 3 months. * POOF *
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LoveAsian
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Nov 16 @ 6:13PM
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#1 Yes, it's happened, but to be perfectly honest, I'm the one who chickened out when the opportunity arose. As for the reasons why, I'm not sure.
#2 With the male typically being the persurer, society expects it. If the woman initiates it, they're looked upon as cheap and easy. It's not pretty to say it, but it's relatively true.
#3 Women are typically unable to just enjoy unihibited no-strings sex, they think deeper than men and typically have emotion-based mindsets. Men have more analytical minds and can separate emotion easily and justify satisfying their lust.
Great post
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freenot2rhyme
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Jun 20 @ 3:02PM
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I've had sex on the first occasion numerous times with wonderful ladies of character. Some I never saw again but there was nothing trashy or filthy about it. Lots of respect on both parts. I wasn't ashamed then nor when I ponder on it am I ashamed now, other than the fact that I personally believe Jesus would rather have me be more constrained. He made me just as I am. I try but I fail my own restraints at times. Not forcing or manipulating to have sex is awesome. Sometimes the desire is explosive to both. When it is it's hard and depressing to restrain. I really like your attitude and openess. Alan
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