Father, let not Your holy world escape my sight today. Nor let my ears be deaf to all the hymns of gratitude the world is singing underneath the sounds of fear. There is a real world which the present holds safe from all past mistakes. And I would see only this world before my eyes today. ~ A Course in Miracles, Lesson 293
I have been writing of my past, sometimes staying up far to late at night, compelled to get the history out of my head and into words. I have been left with depression as I continue to try to resolve the contradictions between what I was taught and what I feel -- as I look at my past and try to evaluate what I do or do not want to repeat; what lessons I want to take from the past. I still have so much confusion about my beliefs of love and sex and relationship. Am I experiencing guilt? And if so, about what? And if so, then perhaps forgiveness is in order -- forgiveness of myself -- not as in "it will be ok", but as in the ACIM definition as "there was never any transgression."
I am reminded of my mother telling me that she was in her fifties before she realized that God could love her for who she was. I am in my fifties. Am I my mother? For me, perhaps I can reach a realization that people can love me for who I am. Or maybe even that I can love me for who I am. And I am reminded of my dream in Dreaming... and the words I spoke in that dream: Look at my mother, there. She has been unhappy all her life carrying around her secret and shame.
There is a real world which the present holds safe from all past mistakes. And I would see only this world before my eyes today. The words today seemed meant just for me, and the direction is to hear and perhaps also sing hymns of gratitude.
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| All fear is past and only love is here. |
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redtigr
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Oct 20 @ 12:25PM
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I wish we lived close enough to hang out together, staying up all night drinking coffee (?) and talking, talking, talking... Encouragement and comradery can shed light in dark and mysterious places...
Very wise and insightful words... and beautifully written. You are an inspiration in your very fragility and honesty. You shall prevail.
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unionman154
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Oct 20 @ 12:43PM
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amen lacy love trumps all.i believe that more good comes out of bad then bad.i was raised a catholic .i used to have so much guilt i felt the need to not only confess my sins but everyone elses to lol i have since lost my guilt only because i feel thats not what the Good Lord wants us to feel.with so much past baggage of guilt we can get lost in it .wallow in it .torment our selves. great blog lacy hugs paul
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journeyfan0000
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Oct 20 @ 12:55PM
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Awww Lacy, my forum buddy 
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baldy855
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Oct 20 @ 1:40PM
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Great thoughts. I believe you are more than a conquerer.
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beachnutRU
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Oct 20 @ 1:47PM
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Your kudo level is up^^^^^^^^ I give you one myself.....no problem. I bought some from redtigr.
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