Halloween Doesn't Like Me... Hard Lessons # 2 and 3 posted 10/30/2006 11:27:01 PM | 5 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: life, learning, attitude

redtigr

About four years into one of my relationships, I came home to find that once again, my dresser drawers are all jumbled about. Since I often kept bills and papers and sometimes even stashed some cash there, this didn't seem that unusual. I didn't see any need for complete disarray, however, and I remember jokingly saying: "What are you doing while I'm at work - trying on my clothes?"

Silence. I turned around to look at the man I thought I knew - whose expression told me everything I didn't want to know. Being young and naive, but not knowing I was so, I now learned more than I wanted to know about cross-dressers. After the relationship ended I realized that Halloween, with its license for gender bending, had become one of my least favorite holidays. Every time I was invited to a costume party it seemed there was at least one man dressed as a female. To most people this is outrageously funny - but the humor was lost on me for many, many years and so I found excuses not to go.

Finally I had a job that required me to make appearances at various functions, one of which was a costume ball/fundraiser. I had attended for a few years without any bad experiences, and the old pang was fading away. In 1986, I went to the Arts Council's Masked Ball without my then husband because he was uncomfortable with the wealthy board members and foundation representatives. He asked if he might attend a party given by mutual friends at the stable where I boarded my horse. He had made up a great vampire costume and he was eager to show it off. Though I knew it would be mostly women who would be attending this party, many were lesbians and lesbian couples, and all were friends and acquaintances, so I said sure, go - enjoy yourself. I was home asleep when he came in.

A couple of days later I went to the stable to ride and it became obvious that something was amiss. No one spoke to me or if they did, they wouldn't look at me. I left feeling uneasy, wondering if my horse had bitten someone again...
The next day I got an anonymous phone call telling me that my husband had arrived at the party with a woman in costume and mask, and the pair of them had gotten quite drunk. Later in the evening, they were found in flagrante delicto in one of the upstairs bedrooms... No one had spoken to me because they were embarrassed for me, thinking I already knew..... Lesson? Never trust a vampire.

So Halloween is here again. Friday night I went to the Halloween dance at my gallery, attended mostly by other artists who come up with splendid costumes... It's a challenge to figure out who each represents.. I went as Freda Kahlo, the wonderful Mexican painter who was also the tragic mistress of muralist Diego Rivera. I got to wear all kinds of Spanish Lace and a mantilla and lots of silver and turquoise. Even with my penciled -on "one eyebrow" and slight mustache (she really looked that way and painted many self portraits emphasizing these features) no one guessed right, but that was OK. I had a great time. Lesson? Get over it, enjoy yourself, don't dwell on negative junk!!

Happy Halloween, everyone....

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

Blogs by redtigr: A memoir: Evil Dwells.... part 1: where December, one quarter to full... ... half an ounce of prevention.... ...he smiled with his eyes "Look at Me"..... no, please listen...... where have all my kudos gone.... silly email received today.... An edited, but shameless repost: Baggage and Experience musings on winter .. or Parabolic Trajectories With a Twist..... ...Toto_2 A Personal Soapbox (get up here, mailorderannie).... The dust is heavy today.... Halloween Doesn't Like Me... Hard Lessons # 2 and 3 Halloween Doesn't Like Me... Hard Lesson # 1 semantic mysticism..... New photos... no agenda. How to format a blog: 101 Modern America: old fashioned ideologies... Sunday space... More thoughts on sex questions.. Gentlemen, satisfy my curiosity - if you would.... The Mystery In The Ceiling...... Part II The Mystery In The Ceiling...... Part I Verbose verbiage... or - Up with words! An addendum of sorts to "Sexual Expectations.."