BLOG WARS: My Battle Plans.... posted 1/29/2007 10:57:41 PM | 34 kudos what's this?     report abuse

PullMyFinger

BLOG WARS: My Battle Plans

I’ve considered entering this fray. I have some darned big ammo and I’m not about to let some of you nutjobs take all the glory. So my message to you, you attention whores, is that you’ve had it easy so far. Consider yourselves cyber-slapped in your pimply-faced font with my glove.

My first foray into this battle: I’m going to Blog War and Peace…one stinkin’ word at a time.

Then I’m going to whine about every fking woman who’s ever entered my life; fat ones, thin ones, Asian ones, Mexican ones, black ones, white ones, and those with huge snack trays, boobage, winnebagos, fun-bags, and boobs. Once I bore the fk out of you with that I’ll start with the thin ones, no boobs, and ones with tattoos, icky ones and those with only one leg and a third eye.

Then I’m going to ask you questions that no one really cares about. Questions that belong in the forums; but I’ll fake stupidity and post ‘em anyway.

Then I’m going to fake my own death, receive lots of awwwe’s and comments of regret and prayers and shit, then I’m going to sign on every day afterward…just to see the results.

Then I’m going to deliberately break up with Sciurusniger and talk crap about her. How she embraced me, how she made me feel like a million….wait..dammit…that won’t work. Ok. You’re spared of that typical fking whine.

I’m going to go on and fkn on and fkn on about receiving spam emails…until you all puke your livers up.

Then I’m going to poll everyone on whether or not these pants make my ass look too big and call you nasty names when you say they do. Assholes.

Then, once you’re on the ropes, I’m going for the balls. I’m gonna discuss sex I’ve had or wished I had…but since I haven’t had sex in like a fking bazillion years, I’ll plagiarize someone else’s sex life…who probably hasn’t had sex either…but I’ll take credit for it…that’ll fkn teach ya. You’ll comment on the blog, but I’ll deny them cuz I want only affirmation for my wicked and disgusting life, I certainly don’t want to be reminded I’m a man-skank.

Once you’re bleeding from that attack it’s time to insult people I don’t know, in public. I’ll think about it a little while and apologize…but I may do it again cuz I’m a fking whackjob. I’ll probably insult you too, just because I view myself as a crusader for the downtrodden, those of limited intelligence and just because my efforts at such might get me laid….for once in my pathetic life….

Once your balls are flaming up, I’m going into chat and starting some chit in there, then bring it here, then into the forums. Start some chit there and bring it here; I’ll act all innocent and chit, have a lot of kudos and love from the opposite sex cuz I’m fkn cute and crap…maybe.

Then, as a “Coup de grace”…I’m posting a pic of my bitch tits, man boobs…whatever you want to call them…and you’re gonna like it.

…Die Bastids, Die….

I apologize to....fk it....no one..

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Blogs by PullMyFinger: Pilfering Yellow-Bellied Bushwankers.... Chain Saws, False Messiahs and Snake Oil Salesmen.... Butt Sniffing & Nazi Dudes.... Vicar in a Tutu...A Conversation with God.... My virtual world has crumbled, I'M LEAVING!!! Goodbye! One step away from roadkill, a squirrel's tale.... Forgiveness and Understanding A Case of Rape~~Literally Ghosts in the Shadows... Uncle Finger's Boinking Guide for MEN My Recliner of Rage, Things that suck.... Of Squirrels and Mugshots.... BLOG WARS: My Battle Plans.... The Dragonfire Syndrome... Leprecauns, Unicorns, Tooth Fairys and Internet Dating.....