Is there life after children? posted 2/9/2007 9:43:53 AM | 0 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: life, children, plans, dreams

truleo_1

Recently someone asked me what are [/I][/B]your plans? A person who of course knows where his life is going and is working toward a retirment plan he has had for some time. As I listened to these plans and the thought that went into them it hit me that I don't really have a plan. (Short of work, home and my dogs anyway)...

There was a time I thought that life was children. Now don't get me wrong with that statement, I love my children more than life itself and always will. I just never gave a lot of thought to the idea that they would one day grow up, move away and have lives of their own.

I am more fortunate than many in that none of them have or seem to have much interest in moving too far away and I am still an intricate part of their lives. We remain very close. But the reality is, they no longer need me in the way they did when they were younger. I am proud of that because it means that I must have done something right in raising them.

But all of this leads me back to the original question. Is there life after children? When a single parent devotes their life to raising a family, being both mom and dad, it is [B]who we are. And when those children begin to grow up and move off to college and lives of their own, we are filled with pride, joy and yes, even a sense of sadness. A sense of loss, I suppose.

I guess that is what drew me here a little over a year ago. (that, and if you read my very first blog, my daughters insistance I try something new). I have found many ways to keep me busy. (Too busy, sometimes). Going back to school, working, of course and the day to day things. But I wonder sometimes am I just going through the motions here? I suppose we all feel like that at times.

And while I have taken a couple long breaks from this site - (one for almost 5 months!) I always seem to come back. I guess we all are searching for something or someone to make our life complete. But I also found alot of unexpected things both from being on this site and in the shadow of my growing up children.

I am discovering even more about me. I am realizing that there are things out there I do want, dreams that I still have and people that I want to get to know, be it the virtual world or the more physical one.

I won't say that the transition of being the parent, family provider etc. is one that is easily overcome, but it is one that helped make me become the person I am today. I can look back and count my blessings, appreciate and rejoice the good times, smile and laugh over some of the silliness and mistakes and thank god for every day that I had the strength, committment and/or whatever it took to get through the hard times.

I think that its kind of scary out here in the big world when you realize that suddenly it is about you. As a parent I never doubted what had to be done, I never shirked the responsibility or even thought about giving up or giving in. There is such a strength in having those who rely on you. No matter how tired you get, how rough life may be at times etc. they are your reason, your strength, your inspiration.

Now that task lies in me alone. To inspire myself, push myself and do things for myself. Maybe that takes a special kind of strength. I wonder is it unusual to wonder sometimes, "do I have what it takes? Where do I go from here?" and my ever-popular quest of discovering "is there life after children?"

. For a single parent who has to be use to taking the lead, that seems as if it would be easy; and yet, for me at least, it sometimes seems one of the hardest things of all. With my children relying on me I knew I could not fail and so I did things with a different frame of mind than one who if they screw up really hurts no one but themselves. Maybe it is the knowing that I can fail or the floundering to discover exactly what "my plan" is. Is there more out there for me? For any of us?


I suppose it all boils down to the one line that all of us must be familiar with "life is what you make of it." Is there life after children is perhaps a personal journey that each of must take on within ourselves and chose exactly where that journey will take us.

Perhaps the question is not so much is there life after children, but rather if we chose to move on/make a life after our children have grown and moved away.

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