I never would have dreamed a year ago today that'd you wouldn't be here for me to say "I love you" and you to say it back.
I remember how happy you were to be at the new school, you said "all the girls are hotter up here Mom, and they're way cuter too". I remember laughing at you as the phone rang. Yes, another girl calling for you.
You'd come home from school that day with construction paper hearts hanging around your neck. I asked what those were for, and you replied, "I stole a bunch of girls hearts today at school, Mom". I laughed and told you that I knew you would. I then asked you what they were really for. You told me that the girls had to sign their name on a heart when they got to school in the morning, and wear them around their necks all day, if the could. If they talked to a boy at any time of the day, even to say, "Hi" they had to give the boy the heart. At the end of the day, the boy with the most hearts won a prize. You had 8 of them around your neck.
I was so proud of you, but worried at the same time. My little boy was growing up. I remember your sister, Carah being mad because she managed to keep hers until 8 th hour, but a boy asked her her name and she told him and he said, "Hi Carah, now give me your heart" You kids had only been going to school there for 3 days.
Now today, as I stand by your grave, in a foot and a half of snow, with the temp only -15 degrees , with the windchill, tears freezing to my face, I try my hardest to remember your voice, your laugh, your smell. I cry even harder, because I can't remember any of it. Why, why can't I remember!!!! Because you've been gone for almost a year now, and I just can't believe you have been gone that long!
As I bend down to kiss your picture, and turn to walk away, a faint little whisper I hear. It's very faint. But it hit me so hard I almost fell over. I heard you say..."I love you Mom",
How will I ever get through the day without you Jason....how? You were always the 1st one holding a red rose beside my bed on Valentines morning. This morning it was Matthew, our precious Matthew that was holding the rose when he woke me up.
The faint little whisper I heard today, I KNOW it was real. I know it was you, for I heard your voice.
I LOVE YOU JASON ANTHONY III
Valentines Day will NEVER be the same for Mom. I don't know how to get through a Valentines Day without you.
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| A Valentines Day without you. |
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SallyF
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Feb 14 @ 1:30PM
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Keep it up! This is amazingly good work you are doing----the hardest work of all....healing a broken heart. My thoughts are with you. S~
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luvshorses644
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Feb 14 @ 1:42PM
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You did hear it...Jason is a part of you and always will be. He is in a place where he can and does visit with you but cannot be seen with human eyes. He is still your loving boy and he will always be.
You have made great strides and overcome what most do not have to face and never should, but you did it because you have other children that need you also. That is what Jason sees and he knows how strong you are and how much you love him.
Take care of yourself...
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sciurusniger
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Feb 14 @ 1:43PM
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As you have just discovered, dear friend, nothing ever separates those who love truly and love deeply.
The love you shared allowed Jason to reach across the void between the physical and spiritual to remind you he is still with you. How very special, and how very, very magic!
You have been given quite a gift today.
Kudos.
To both of you.
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Firewire_66
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Feb 14 @ 2:11PM
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I am so sorry for your loss.
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edthepoet
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Feb 14 @ 3:01PM
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First I am so so so so sorry to hear of your great loving lost,which can never be replaced. What a brave and awesome mother you are to share such a sad story with us all.
I can only say with tears running down my face, Here's a big hug and your son was so so so very lucky to have you as a mother.
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Tunes4u
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Feb 14 @ 7:04PM
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Once again, I struggle with words....
You have come so far.....
I sat here and cried with you today. I have cried here at my desk at work, with you before.
But today they were different kinds of tears than the the ones I shed as I read your earlier posts. I read them you know. I have read them more than once.
I don't really know how to tell you how those tears were different. But they were.
Your blogs are important. they will become more and more important as time goes on. I would suspect Matt would appreciate them when he gets older. I think, as time goes on, you will too. I hope you have transferred them to someplace more permanent. Maybe that scrapbook? I don't know. But I would be sure to save them.
God bless you.....and Matt.....and all of you.
Have faith, but even more important......continue to use it. It is not futile. Your faith is well placed and in good hands. So is Jason.
Someday, you will see.
with respect,
Tunes
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SunBabe
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Feb 15 @ 10:09AM
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Jinny, the others have expressed my thoughts so much better than I could. But I just wanted to let you know that this is the first time I've felt like smiling when reading your words. A bittersweet smile, yes...but as our squirrel lady said, "You have been given quite a gift today" 
Wow! 
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