Oh, I don't mean romantic love. And I'll always be a romantic at heart, classically speaking. No, I mean the "formal" romance... the dozen roses, the courtship rituals, the sonnets ("Sonnets... I wrote a few. But then again, too bad to mention..."). I realized the other day that I can no longer view such trappings non-ironically. I might do them ironically, or as some sort of role-playing, but for any serious purpose they smack too much of a silly game. Love-by-numbers.
No, I'm interested in genuine thoughtfulness and intimacy, without the need for formulae. Considering her, not a romantic-comedy version of her. I don't mean not giving her flowers (if she likes that sort of thing), but if I do it'll be because I've decided that's an appropriate thing to do, and they'll be whatever flowers I think appropriate. Maybe I'll get her chocolate-covered cherries... or maybe peanut brittle... or a six-pack of Rolling Rock. Depends. I won't be slathering on what's effectively an industrial emotional lubricant; anyone who can't find romance in talking about what dreams you have in common while drinking a couple of beers isn't someone I can build a relationship with.
No. Here's the romance I offer from here on in: I'll be there. I'll listen. I'll let you know what I'm about, and I'll seek to know what you're about. I'll want to make you happy, with the things that genuinely make you happy, not the things that push your "awww" button. I'll often be sweet, but I won't be an endless dessert; I'm a lot of courses, and complexity is good for both the palate and nutrition (I'm sure there's a valid metaphor in there somewhere). I won't take you away from it all, because "it all" is everywhere you go. But I'll go there with you.
And one day, I'll learn to quit writing while I'm still making sense.
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| I think I'm done with romance. |
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SunBabe
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Mar 13 @ 2:08AM
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Love-by-numbers ~shudder~ I've seen that too many times. While I lived with a Vulcan for 32 years, I know his random breakthroughs weren't part of a skit.
Methinks, m'dear, you have just had an "emotionally mature" epiphany...and that's the way it's s'posed to be. You and "she", when the time comes, will be much more relaxed, happy and complete  
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edthepoet
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Mar 13 @ 2:35AM
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It's called being real, romance and sweet words are to be sprayed lightly like perfume, too much and the women gag.
Your last paragraph hit it right on the nail.
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redtigr
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Mar 13 @ 2:51AM
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I can't help it... You pushed my awwwww button...
Classical romance is about a romantic attitude - not the trappings of romance..
A wonderful blog... You have earned your kudo - and someones generous heart. May she be all you desire.
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MindyJo
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Mar 13 @ 8:27AM
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That is exactly what every woman I know really wants...not the trapping and bows but the honesty, kindness and love. Your on your way darlin'! 
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Cynbaby
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Mar 13 @ 8:56AM
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Endless flowers arrangements are highly overrated.  Once or twice a year on Valentine's, Birthdays, or just to say Love You are appropriate. Not everyone loves roses, actually a nice mix of flowers with a few roses is much more appealing. As for the sonnets that could be cute in a sappy sort of way.
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jentoblues101
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Mar 13 @ 9:01AM
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That is romance to me.
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fayblack
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Mar 13 @ 9:13AM
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Once again a sigh of contentment as I think to myself, "he gets it."
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Blinddatingsucks
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Mar 13 @ 12:29PM
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Ugh, I used to HATE getting flowers all the time. Once in a while is fine,but not every other day. I got tired of them becoming potpourri, and now I have an over abundance of vases I'm trying to sell on ebay. 
Great blog Sean. Good luck with your search!
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Angeleyes781
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Mar 13 @ 12:31PM
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ok i will keep this short Romance is speaking and acting from the heart nothing more and nothing less. the flowers and candy should be something you want to do now and then not something you have to do. well thats my take anyway 
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definitelydi
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Mar 15 @ 7:48PM
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I won't be slathering on what's effectively an industrial emotional lubricant; anyone who can't find romance in talking about what dreams you have in common while drinking a couple of beers isn't someone I can build a relationship with.
Yep...she's gonna be a lucky gal when you find her.
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