This morning I awoke to it snowing here. I rushed Matt to school, spent 45 mins talking to his new teacher, and then left.
I went to visit with my Mom for a while, (not a healthy relationship, but I'm trying). I chatted with her for about 1/2 hr when I noticed Jason's benefit flier hanging on her wall, by the peacock feather from his funeral. I started crying, and she walked over to me and started crying and hugged me and told me how much she loved me and how she new she'd be if she lost one of us 6 kids. I "got myself together" and then left from there.
I stopped at my x bf's Moms and wanted to see her and make sure she was ok. She had a docs appt, and had tried calling my old cell phone and got no answer. She didn't want me to stop over when she was gone, so she was happy I'd come early. We chatted for about 1/2 hour and then I decided it was time to come home to an empty house, except for the 2 cats.
I sat here, looking at the monitor for a while on MD, and decided to call a dear friend I met here on MD.
We cried together for about 1 1/2 hours. I told her EVERYTHING! From the day I got the call from Matt, and EVERYTHING that happened there after. She also told me of her experiences. We cried together for our children, both of which were victims and shouldn't have had to be, we cried for our loved ones we'd lost, we cried for those who "just don't understand" what we're going through, and we did laugh a little.
I feel I am truely BLESSED to have such a good friend. This is the very 1st time we've talked on the phone, and I feel it was ALL worth it. This is the VERY 1ST TIME I've EVER told anyone what I've felt for the past year, in person, over the phone, or whatever. I haven't even told my family the emotions I feel, or showed them to this extent before.
I was sooooooo relieved to FINALLY talk to someone who "knew" what I was feeling.
I want to say THANKS HON, You made my day worth living today, and I feel all the crying, cleansed me. I even told Matt's counceler that, after he asked me how I felt about the conversation you and I had.
You ARE A TRUE FRIEND, and there is NOTHING fake about you. I could only hope and pray that I get to where you are someday soon.
I love ya hon, stay as sweet and caring as you really are!!!
Much love,
Jini
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| I was Blessed again today..... |
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zn2007
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Apr 4 @ 5:25PM
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jini.... i'm new around here but i just have to tell you how sorry i am that you have had this loss... i don't even know anything about it except that you lost a child and are hurting... i read your blog because it had the word 'blessings" in it... as opposed to so much here that doesn't really matter in life.... you are doing very well by what little i can see... in everything give praise... not because it is such a wonderful experience, but because you know that God really cares, and so do His own, the ones who know Him... i encourage you every step of the way, one day, one moment, at a time... i pray the very best of blessings all over you, your family, and your friends... ignore the cold ones who say those things that hurt... don't even read on after you feel the twinge inside... i will continue to pray for you, i mean that... and i have a good ear of compassion if you need someone to listen... that's what friends are for... more than all this... we who know where you are, do care... when you are ready, you will be able to help others who face what you have had in your life... you are a blessing!
zn2007<><
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bobbyngeorgia
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Apr 4 @ 6:26PM
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luneib
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Apr 4 @ 7:33PM
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My sincere sympathy to you in the loss of your son. I never had children, but I can only imagine what you are going through. (((Hugs)))
It's always good to get things off your chest, and those people we can confide in remain special in our lives.
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