It totally blows my mind that some people can be so unfeeling...especially on this site! It doesn't matter if they are here for friendship or trying to find "the one".
Anyone that can be as cold hearted as to tell someone to quit crying and get over it after they have lost a loved one, sure doesn't deserve to be loved by anyone, in friendship or as a potential mate. All I can feel for those kind of people is pity. What a sad existence they must live. They probably kick puppy's too.
No two people grieve the same way. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. The is no time limit on grieving. Anyone that thinks any different needs to educate themselves.
Each death that we have to face is different. I find that as I get older, it doesn't get any easier either. Some people may think I am too sensitive because I can feel the pain for people that have lost someone. I would much rather feel their pain than to be so cold that I couldn't even comprehend what it felt like. I would NEVER tell someone to dry up the tears and get on with life. Nor do I think anyone else has that right either...just wait till you go through something similar, and see how long you cry!
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Blogs by luvmycats:
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| Heartless people and grief. |
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justme1982
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Apr 10 @ 5:40PM
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I really do agree here. It is insane to think that everyone would live by the same standards. What is most disturbing is that there are people out there that obviously still think crying is a weakness.
Seriously. The people who act all macho and tuff are the ones who drink a bottle of Wild Turkey and think "problem solved". I don't pitty them but I am forced to except them. Not because of religion but because of humanity. These fiends tend to perpetuate negativity in all aspects of life and the best way to shut down a dirt merchant is to stop peddling his dirt!
I'll figure out how to give you Kudos on this one cause you hit the nail on the head. It goes way beyond just that example you gave too. Think about it, what would someone like that do at the first "bump" in the relationship? How would that person react to a real mature relationship where telling you're pratner to "get over it" is pretty much the same as asking them "could you cut my penis off for me?"!
*sorry I met someone today and the passion is just a flowin*
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Sheryll861
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Apr 10 @ 5:59PM
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Gee, how heartless. I agree with you. No potential friend there.
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Lady_Jan
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Apr 10 @ 6:03PM
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 100 % agree
Jan
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Duffy125
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Apr 10 @ 6:10PM
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I agree totally. As one who has lost a child, I give these writers credit for being able to express their thoughts in poems, stories and thoughts of grief...
They may feel they are doing it for their own healing, but their words also touch others who are dealing with simular circumstances.
This place is a place of friendship and support.- for dating, families & any life circumstances. That's why I like it here.
I hope that writer continues to write and ignores comments that are not supportive.
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RomanticLibra106
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Apr 10 @ 6:11PM
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GREAT BLOG and I agree with you 100%.
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Alana595
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Apr 10 @ 6:18PM
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Peopel have different capacitites for feeling grief. Some have much less capacity to feel grief or any other emotion. For a feeling person, getting over grief immediately is not an option, and a period of mourning is in order. It is also in order for other feeling people to be supportive and respectful of the mourner.
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tentfire
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Apr 10 @ 6:44PM
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Well said and written!
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mzlara388
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Apr 10 @ 7:18PM
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I agree with what you said. I know when my father died everyone in the family grieved a different way. I often get from my mom "why haven't you worked through this yet". I found that for me, I couldn't work through it until I got my son through it all. Then I was able to deal with how I feel. It goes in waves. You are never truly done grieving.
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luvmycats
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Apr 10 @ 7:29PM
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Thank you all so much for your comments, and understanding.
*sorry I met someone today and the passion is just a flowin* Justme, never be sorry for feeling passionately about anything and speaking your mind. You are a wonderful young man, gonna make a girl mighty proud one of these days!
As one who has lost a child, I cannot even imagine the pain of loosing a child. My heart goes out to you Duffy.
It is also in order for other feeling people to be supportive and respectful of the mourner. Yes it is, Alanna.
"why haven't you worked through this yet". I found that for me, I couldn't work through it until I got my son through it all. Yes Mzlara, we do have to take care of our kids first.
Bless you all for having such open minds and hearts. 
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mystery2u888
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Apr 10 @ 9:17PM
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Great blog gf  I agree with you.......each individual has there own way to grieve..........and let them be....nobody knows the pain of anyone's feelings...it took me 7 years to grieve about my dad.......so everyone is very different...   xoxo
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daisy315
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Apr 10 @ 11:30PM
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it will be 6 years ago April 30 that I lost my big sister... and I still cry... why shouldn't I.?.. I still miss her..and that will never change.. I was talking to a friend tonight who buried his dad just over a week ago.. he said that it hadn't quite sunk in yet that he's gone.. he expects to see him sitting in his favorite chair whenever he walks in the door... he picks up the phone to call his dad and ask advice.. I told him to not rush it.. let it happen in it's own time... the pain doesn't go away, it just changes...
April 30 will be a very bad day for me folks... I dread it... 
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daisy315
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Apr 10 @ 11:41PM
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for over 5 years my mom put her grief on hold.. she thought she had to be "strong" for the rest of us... instead, she made life harder... she became angry, defensive and picked fights with all of us.. I finally had a gut full and made her see a doctor.. her depression was so deep that it was painful to watch... it was miserable at times to even be around her. after 6 months of antidepressants, I finally see my real mom... she laughs now.. has stopped trying to pick fights with us... yes, she still misses Cheryl terribly.. what mother wouldn't... but she's finally STARTING to work through her grief.. and thats something none of us could do for her... she had to face this pain head on and deal with it, knowing that we were beside her the whole way..
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kattsmeow
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Apr 12 @ 1:26PM
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Very good and important blog!
Makes me wonder how anyone gets over loosing someone. I have grieved for my mother, although, it was a happy one. I don't want to cunfuse anyone by saying that ok?
It depends on if they were ready to go. My mother was tired, in alot of pain for years. I stood there as she patted MY hand, and said she is happy I finally found happines and now she can rest. Wow, she was comforting me!
I cried, alot, but I also smile, knowing she is with her maker.
I pray I never have to go through the grief of one of my children, I think that is the scariest thing a parent can think of.
Everyone does it in their own time, and anyone that says to get over it and stop crying should be hanged and then quartered!
Ok,,,I feel better now,,, 
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KAOS2007
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Apr 12 @ 3:48PM
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Thanks Luv, for a great blog. Truly appreciated.
I would hope we can all help each other with our pain, losses and grief. I know the support I have received from Luv has been phenomenal, as well as a few select other awesome people here at MD.
I am learning that it's OK to grieve, however I grieve, whenever I grieve, and that those who truly care, are only too willing to be patient and offer support.
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canadianbbw
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May 5 @ 10:59AM
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The person who says, "just get over it"...either has never felt grief, or is out of touch with their own. Or maybe, was never shown much support for their own, by their own loved ones.
Nothing in this world hurts as bad as grief. Even with a faith, it hurts like hell.
Some people just can't or won't deal with someone's else's problems.
They glide the surface of life.
I recall telling someone about a loss and him being immediately uncomfortable...so I knew the door was closed on that subject.
That being said, I chose to end a friendship last year, with a friend who is still grieving over her mother's passing. I do feel guilty, and think of writing her again....but I sincerely felt I had reached my capacity to "deal", for lack of a better word, with her grief. Her mother died 2 years ago of cancer. We had hundreds of conversations....almost entirely about her grief, me being supportive, talking about faith, urging her to get more help when she felt suicidal. She would refuse to go to the hospital in moments of crisis. I IMed with her for up to 6 hours at a time, one time chatting with her as she finally put the pills away and went to bed.
She would say, her mother was her life...and at times spoke of her as though she was still alive. She was direct and said, she refused to let her mother go.
We chatted for about 9 months in this vein. She attended a grief support group once, but wasn't really interested in going again. One day, I just couldn't do it anymore. I had reached my capacity as a limited human being...to talk to her about her grief.
I had to take care of myself...I felt drained. And also, dealing with depression myself, I was in fear of what these conversations would do to me. And I didn't want to think about loss, death, anymore, and be reminded of my own.
But I never told her to "get over it". You have to just write off people like that. I think, they hurt themselves as much as anyone else....for if you cannot give deeply, you cannot receive deeply either.
But at the other extreme....we are all simply human, and are at different levels of comfort with the subject, for different reasons. I bet a lot of people who say, "get over it" were told that themselves. There may be instances when a person refuses to heal....and there is nothing another person can say or do to help, I think, in that case.
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