Both fronts have united...(Mom and Dad) posted 4/14/2007 1:15:19 PM | 3 kudos what's this?     report abuse

poniepower

I'm sure I've blogged in the past that the kids' dad and I haven't gotten along for 11 yrs or longer. He kicked us out in Springfield Missouri in 1996.
He never really had much to do with the kids when he "finally" moved back to WI to be with his girlfriend.
Then tragedy hit us both. We lost our son.
My pastor in Fennimore told me that eventually him and I would have to talk about Jason's death and express our emotions to each other, whether it be in person or over the phone, or whatever. I never in my wildest dreams would think this was possible.
Until the other night..................Matt was throwing his tantrums, and was VERY angry.
Matt hasn't been up to his dad's for 6 wks, (his dad is keeping track, I guess) I lose track of the wks or days even.
My daughter called her dad because Matt just followed me from room to room, nagging, and I was doing my best to ignore his anger. I told him when he could come to me and talk to me in a normal tone of voice, I'd listen.
While I was on the phone with his dad, telling him I"d be bringing Matt up Thursday, Matt was smarting off in the background, his insults directed straight to me. His dad told me to "reach across the table and slap his mouth, he didn't need to talk to me like that, that I was his Mother". I told him I wouldn't inflict physical pain on my son. We have different ways of disciplining our children. Matt was making threatening comments about how if I sent him to his dad's, he'd find a way "to be with Jason." He said his dad had other things up there besides guns. I asked him what he meant, and he said, "lead ropes, for the horses, and knives"
I ended up staying up until 5 am, with Carah and her 2 friends, to make sure he didn't do anything here. I was s'pose to have Matt up to his dad's by 9-930 Thursday morning. I'd overslept, until after 11.
Matt was doing his best to be nice and beg me to let him stay home, and not go to his dad's.
About noon, on Thursday, his dad, Jason called. He was on his cell, and it kept losing connections. So I just hung up. He called me from home then, asked why I hung up on him, I told him his phone was fading in and out, couldn't hear him, and knew he'd call back, or hoped he would.
Jason and I talked for 2 hours. ..................
We talked about losing Jason, and I bawled, wanted to know "why it had to happen to us" he said he didn't know, he couldn't answer that. We talked about the accident, him telling me that he'd went up there to see what had happened. Jason did try jumping off the tractor, that's when it rolled on him and landed on his head, he said. We both cried for our son.
He asked me why his kids didn't want anything to do with him, I told him I couldn't answer that, and I wasn't going to drag up the past. Of course it's because of how he treated them in the past, again...i wasn't going to bring it up.
He told me that I "only lost a son, he's lost 2 sons and 3 daughters" and the kids only come around for birthdays, or Christmas.
We talked about Matt, and how his dad has removed ALL ammunition from his home, since Matt was put on suicide watch, 2 weeks ago, something I don't think I've mentioned in recent blogs, I can't remember.He informed me that Matt was NEVER FORCED on the tractors, but he would have to be now, since his dad couldn't trust him to be left at the house alone, while he was spreading manure, or hauling hay bales.
He asked me what he's done so wrong to Matt that he has to "lie" to me and the councelor about what is going on up there. We talked about Matt being scared to sleep in the same bedroom that he and Jason shared.
They will have to work that out up there, I can't do anything to make it better for Matt, since I'm not involved in his sleeping arrangements up there.
We cried about how "we won't lose another child" and we're pulling together to try to help Matt, and NOT LOSE HIM!
For 2 hours, (this man that has hated me for 11 yrs, because of his own guilt, and mistake, ) we cried, tried to come to agreements about Matt, him telling me that I "couldn't" do this alone anymore, but I needed to be strong for my other children, which I've been trying my damnedest to be strong, I even leave the room now if I feel I need to cry.
He told me of all the losses that have happened on that side of the family, and I stressed to him that IT'S NEVER HAPPENED ON THIS SIDE BEFORE....I need the support of his family and so far lately, they've given it.
He's aged so much in the last year, and so have I. We're both gray....him more than me....and he's 3 yrs younger than me.
It was one of the most heart-wrenching conversations I"ve had with him, since we were married...........
We have united again...something I thought would never ever be done again......We have united for our children....ALL 5 of them....
We have united and Mom and Dad, and are going to do our best to raise Matt into manhood and let him try to have the "most normal" life he can have now, ONLY with our help.
HIs girlfriend will be involved too. And that's ok with me, because the night before I left for TN last week, her and I talked for 45 mins on the phone.....she just wants what's best for Matt, just like his dad and I do.
Together Jason and I decided that Matt will lose privledges in both homes. His 1st being the WI Horse Fair coming up in 2 wks in Madison. His dad doesn't believe he's earned the chance to go this year, with the way he's treating me. I agreed.
It's going to be a long haul ahead of us...but this is the beginning of HOPEFULLY a friendship.....between his dad and I.
WE WON'T LOSE ANOTHER CHILD!!!!
We have United!!
I feel like boulders have been lifted from my shoulders.
Thank You Lord for hearing my prayers!

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Blogs by poniepower: It's Great to be HOME AGAIN!! HE'S COMING HOME TODAY!!! WOOHOO!! HI MD friends, Just letting everyone "we're ok, for the most part" Please say a Prayer....... Hello All, .....Updates in my household Who I've Become........ An update on me and the kids....19 mths after accident Life right now...as I know it... Just to let you all know I'm still here.... Haven't blogged lately..... Will I make the right choice...Will God guide me in the right direction about... Both fronts have united...(Mom and Dad) TN trip continued....(puter messed up) lol Our trip to Nashville, TN over Easter I was Blessed again today..... I think the sun may shine........ March 25, 2007 How can some people even live with themselves?? Jason's 1st Anniversary, and how I'm coping In Reference to the "Am I getting any better" blog...... A Valentines Day without you. Am I getting any better.... 1st day in the old house alone Seems like everything is falling into place....