Want Ads: Sultry Tick Checker / the Jewish Dog... oy ve!!! posted 4/30/2007 10:37:26 PM | 3 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: ticks, hospitals, jewish, dog

luvshorses644

What a day.. I guess all the blogs (including mine where I dedicated a song to Sci and PMF about Checking You for Ticks.. and Ronry's blog about the tick inspector, actually brought about the real thing.

Over the weekend, I was outside gardening quite a bit. On Sunday, I was doing some more pulling of weeds and such, and the side of my neck began a dull ache.. and when I touched it I thought.. Great, I am .. *cough, cough* .. maturing each day and I can't even get a friggen break with acne.. it felt as though a monumental zit was forming and needed to be popped. I thought, when I get inside I will do just that to relieve the pressure. I finished up some work and then went inside to shower..

My neck was hurting a little more than outside and when I went to the mirror to relieve that zit, I saw it was black.. and I felt it and I could feel some slight movement, and it hit me.. a tick! I applied some vaseline and waited for the damn thing to back out.. it did and I guess I was a little excited and over zealous about removing the frikken monstrocity and when I used the tweezers (which , btw, is frikken impossible to try to navigate on yourself) I pulled and what came out was not moving, so I knew I left the head as there was only a dead body in the tweezers.

Later that evening, I went to my son's and told him that he needed to dig out the head of the tick. He was flabbergasted that he would be "operating" on his mom and told me that he was unsure he could actually do it...I told him it was payback for all the times I bandaged him and held his head when he was a kiddo and he reluctantly agreed. He managed to get 1/2 of the head and try as he did, was unable to get the rest. Hence the visit to the emergency room.

I left the house extra early so I could get to the emergency room and then still be on time for work.. well, the best laid plans.. it seems emergency rooms have a lot of time to just allow you to wait in their wonderful room full of empty chairs and a tv with cartoons. After 45 minutes a woman came to the front window and took my vitals.. another window for the insurance/payment and then back to the waiting room for an addition 45 minutes.. then into the examining room to wait for the doctor. Another 30 minutes.. and he removed it!!! Now I am to watch for a large red streak on my neck and rash.. if that happens we start the Lyme Disease treatment.

The doctor also gave me this free advice: ticks usually attach themselves to the bottom of your jeans and crawl slowly up the length of you until they come to a place not covered by clothing.. which is where they puncture the skin and begin their burrowing... he advised that I have a "partner" check me each night for ticks!!!!
Since I have no "partner" .. I took out an ad in the local papers today reading:

Wanted: one very sultry looking man with keen eyesight. Must be standing ready at the door each night that I am outdoors, to ask me to immediately disrobe when I walk in, and then do a thorough examination of all my .. errr... womanly body parts to make sure that there is no moving black dots...pay is nightly and his choice of methods.. I do not pay with credit cards or money, but I assure the candidate that he will be paid handsomely and tenderly and fully satisfied."

And now for grandpa's ending...The Jewish Dog....


Morty visits the veterinarian and says, "My dog has a problem."
The doctor replies, "So tell me about the dog's problem."
"First you should know that he's a Jewish dog. His name is Irving and he can talk," says Morty.
"He can talk?" the doubtful doctor asks.
"Watch this!" Morty points to the dog and commands: " Irving , Fetch!"
Irving , the dog, begins to walk toward the door, then turns around and demands, "So why are you talking to me like that? You order me around like
I'm nothing. And you only call me when you want something. And then you
make me sleep on the floor, with my arthritis. You give me this fahkahkta
food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me it's a special diet. It tastes like dreck! YOU should eat it yourself!
And do you ever take me for a decent wa lk? NO, it's out of the house, a short pish, and right back home. Maybe if I could stretch out a little, the sciatica wouldn't kill me so much! I should roll over and play dead for real for all that you care!"
The Doctor is amazed. "This is remarkable! What could be the problem?"
Morty says, "Obviously, he has a hearing problem! I said 'Fetch,' not
'Kvetch.' "

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Blogs by luvshorses644: Our Own Canvas of Colors & Life's Symphonies.. & Not all That Glistens is gold My Wish.. Compassion and Understanding.. Going Up Around the Bend.. Birds & Bees Things that go hmmmmmm... beauty for the taking.. Run, Forrest, Run!!! To All You Wildly Sexy, Totally F***ing Amazing Women!! Woooo Hooooo! Temptingly Tantilizing.. Ambrosia.. Life is a Highway... Holy Chit... Batman to the Idiotmobile! Kansas... goosebumps.. and blondes... OMG. what could they have in common? Me! Leaving on a jet plane.. ode and another reason woman are smarter than men Ships on the ocean.. Joseph and Emily and Gramps One-liner from long ago So long for a week.. hello Ms. CQ perhaps? and Calories Burned During Sex A whole new meaning to: "What a Sweet Arzzzz She Has" Celebration of Metaphysical Noises... Surrendering to Life,,, Walmart Scam.. Want Ads: Sultry Tick Checker / the Jewish Dog... oy ve!!! Frikken wordy lassie..grandpa tribute, grannie fart, & easy solution It's Only Words... Life is a Torch... and three Blonde jokes Nekkid Cowboy/Cowgirl.. On Gossamer Wings... PA girls!!!!! What Condition My Condition Was In.. How Does It Feel Getting Old? / Charm Stand...Hurtful Words.... 7 Ways to Happiness .. and Anyone Can Fart! WTH????? Spent, happy and exhausted...sleep has never been this good! Red flags: anger hum, dirty underwear & socks, bad sex!!! My love has wings... Now That's How you Wave A Towel!!! Neener, neener (I'm Tellin) / A song Dedicated to Sci & PMF / tick check Love should not be measured by looks or size... but rather sighs A love story with two meanings and two different endings... All I can offer ....is not nearly enough...