I guess I am ready for my trip to the flatland commonly known as Kansas. I will not be here for about a week, but I am most positive that all you peeps here will carry on! Remember, post positive things unless of couse, yall aren't really here to look for a partner, are just here for playing, then full speed ahead mateys with the negative, sexual blogs!
I have been doing a lot of soul searching in the last few years. I am aware that I am imperfect, and I am working on trying to round those imperfect edges out a bit, if for no one else but for me. Each day that passes reminds me of how very lucky I am to be in the here and now and to have been granted the time to slowly discover all my layers of what I am composed of, either genetically, intellectually, emotionally, physically, or spiritually.
In my life, there have been some people I think I would rather not have trusted, but these were lessons, the trick of this is to remember what was taught to you and to apply it in the future. I think Garth Brooks said it best in his song.. The Dance: Looking back, on the memory of,
The dance we shared, beneath the stars above,
For a moment, all the world was right,
How could I have known, that you'd ever say goodbye,
And now, I'm glad I didn't know,
The way it all would end, the way it all would go,
Our lives, are better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd have had to miss, the dance.
Yes my life, is better left to chance,
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss, the dance
I have moved past any bitterness that I may have felt toward any of the relationships I had that came to an end. Bitterness is not a positive emotion and at this point in my life, I wish to hold onto only the positive ones.
But oh my soul hungers to share so many things. I am confident that with that one true heart, that one genuine soul, I will connect and what we will find together will make most people stop and sigh. Kinda like the old couple I ran into in the grocery store the other night. She was holding onto his arm with her head rested on his shoulder and he was slowly pushing the cart. They were whispering to each other and then making stops here or there to pick up bread, or salad dressing, and I watched them for a little bit while pretending to read a bottle of something or other (I really didn't pay attention to what I picked up). Every now and then he would move one hand off the handle of the cart and stroke her hand on his arm or touch her face and wink and she would giggle. I guess I must have been pretty obvious and she turned toward me .. a beautiful woman quite actually. She said, "oh, dear sweetie (looking at him) .. I think we caught someone's eye".. he looked over at me and I kinda sorta felt the flush on my face (embarassed at being caught spying) and his grey eyes winked. He said.. "Emily is my one true love, my sweetheart since we were in our early 20s" .. he continued.. "the secret to our happiness.. we try to always make the other smile at least once an hour.. with some little pet name or a tiny private joke, or a touch.. You see there is nothing I would not do for this dear sweet woman who graced my life and whose love has seen us through the depression, loss of children and now through illnesses on and off... she is my dream." Emily turned toward me and giggled.. "and Joseph is my rescuer when I need a hand to hold, my smiling counterpart when I am lonely, he takes me, if not physically to places we have always wanted to travel to.. visually to them by renting videos and making cuisine that is native to that area, like Paris.. he evens dons a customary dress and speaks with a phoney, but awfully cute (and she reached over and pinched his cheek) accent. He loves me for who I am and what good I have brought to his life... and he is my dream".
I thanked them both for sharing this gem with me, Emily kissed me on the cheek and I turned to leave, but Joseph took my hand and stroked it.. and said.. "believe and it will be yours!"
I didn't know these two before that moment, but they will live in my memory bank and whenever I begin to doubt that there is love that is so uncommon, so rare, so beautiful and strong.. I will call it up. And so my journey here started a small while back and continues until I also can pass along some little gem like that to someone else and restore their power of belief... I know "he" is out there, maybe very close, maybe moving toward me.. maybe finding his way back to me..
There's a ship out, on the ocean
At the mercy of the sea
It's been tossed about, lost and broken
Wandering aimlessly
And God somehow you know that ship is me
'Cause there's a lighthouse, in the harbor
Shining faithfully
Pouring its light out, across the water
For this sinking soul to see
That someone out there still believes in me
On a prayer, in a song
I hear your voice and it keeps me hanging on
Raining down, against the wind
I'm reaching out 'til we reach the circle's end
When you come back to me again
There's a moment we all come to
In our own time and our own space
Where all that we've done, we can undo
If our heart's in the right place
What do they call a cross between a rabbit and a porcupine? A hare brush!!! .. good one gramps!!!
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| Ships on the ocean.. Joseph and Emily and Gramps One-liner from long ago |
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