Recently an online friend of mine sent me some pictures of himself and they were amazingly normal looking. Not that I expected him to look like a cross-bred freak or anything, mind you, but I don't mean just normal as in mostly in one piece, humanoid, etc. like most of us are, either.
I'm always amazed by normal looking people as I've seldom met any Most of the ones I meet are far too odd or stylish or homeless or something to pass for normal.
So, what is normal?
Well, you know when you are standing in line with people and they are boring, or mildly attractive, or even really good looking, but you get no major vibes off them of there being anything extra special or scary about them? That's more or less what I mean.
As I told him, he could probably walk into most any white or mixed crowd and very few people would take him for a serial killer or a sexual deviant. Not me, though!
I was told by a priest that they'd never allow me to be a Nun .. I was devastated, briefly, as I thought he was saying I was just that gross and here I thought we were a bit friendly like, but no .. he said that wasn't it.
He also said he could be wrong, because some Nuns are very pretty and men do find them attractive and some women can fool you with their makeup, etc... he didn't think he was wrong, and he was sure it was more than just makeup or attitude but he didn't know for sure, he admitted, so, to be fair, he let me try on a little Nun suit.
I walked out of the room where I was changing, with said Nun suit on and mostly on straight and he swallowed very hard and said something like "N-no-o" but it was kind of whispery. And I said "Oh, sorry!' and tucked in the stray locks that had tendriled softly about my cheek and throat. Then his hands started to shake and his cheeks reddened, but not like blushing, and he said that no, definitely not, they would take one look at me and declare I could never be a Nun .. a novice maybe, but never a Nun and probably if they let me get that far I'd have to stay in a cell all day and keep mostly to myself.
I sometimes look very good in a uniform; apparently that was one of the times.
For some reason I give many persons the impression that I am a sex addict or something. Or so I used to think, and it was not a nice thing to think, believe you me! Until finally, one day, this man who was hitting on me shamelessly himself but shooing away the people who were insulting me and calling me a slut, told me something slightly helpful.
He said "It's not that they actually think you are a slut. It's not that you look like you f*** everyone all the time. It's just that you look like you should .. like they'd want you to .. and like you could .. very well!"
It was a great boost to my self esteem. Not because I want people to think that about me, either; but it was quite a step up from people thinking I am a hideous, immoral freak just because I'm alive!
I am not normal looking in that sort of way. My ex-boyfriend used to yell at me "Can't you just be normal? "
The answer is no, I can't be. I've tried; it tends to scare people as they know I'm faking it but aren't sure why.
"Do you have to draw attention to yourself wherever we go?" No, but it'll come anyway, most places.
I knew a girl who was also physically quite abnormal in places and mentally quite abnormal in all her places, as far as I could tell, except that in her case it was more extreme normality that was her undoing. She thought and had impulses that were generally within the normal range, but she wanted to be special; different.
Well, she had one of those lip things where she looked partially chipmunk, a completely flat chest, and a few other things going on where she was not ugly, but she definitely was different, so I thought she should just dress for that and be different based on the looks she came with.
She wanted to be like Vampirella though: not just different, but goddess like, sexual devastating to men, able to steal their hearts and crush them so she could leave them bleeding on the floor and longing for her still; and therefore leave the women of the world broken hearted too. To some extent, she's achieved her goals, too; so, that's sad. She's my stalker, or at least one of them.
She's always hated me for being strong, independent, for liking myself when she hates herself, for being able to talk to men without hating them for not loving me enough, etc. But, mostly, she hated me for things like this:
We had a conversation once, sort of: actually it was a tirade at me, from her, about how I am so normal and conventional, and how she wants to be this, that, werewolves and vampires and witches, dark powers, etc. all got mingled into her gibbering .. and she was saying all this in front of a very large, tall, Satan worshipping witchy sort of man that she was trying to impress.
The man was someone I had argued with often and well, and occasionally one or the other of us won some sort of concession from the other; but mostly it was just for the point of understanding both the other person and ourselves better. Neither one of us expected change.
... to be continued....
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