*sneaking in with my white tennies afore running out again for the day*
I'mmmmm bbbbaaaaaackkkkkk! I know, I know, yall shutey them thar wittle pouty things.. I can be bad because I am damn good at it... put that in them thar wittle pee brain pipes and inhale (don't follow the example of the once famous pres).
I have seen flatlands and they exist, Toto...Kansas... what can I say about Kansas? Glad I am back in PA.. jest keeedin... all ya Chief fans don't be getting them thar shorts in a bunch.. whew.. I am there for jest a coupla three days and I am doing the southern twangy thang.... I need help, plenty of help! Someone toss me a certified northerner so's I can get my accent back!!
K.. in all seriousness (and I will betcha bottom dollar that you didn't know I can be) Kansas has lots and lots and lots of: (a) wind, henceforth bringing twirly things called "tornadoes" (in another future blog), (b) flat places... (c) cattle... (d) rolling pastures of wheat... (e) cows that are fenced in with one and only one opening.. but the trick to keep them big brown eyed beauties from walking right out through that open gate where the water trucks and grain trucks pull into the pastures to toss em some, is that the opening is grated.. cows learn from an early age not to step on the grates because they can get their legs caught and that spells disaster. Funny, isn't it that you can teach an animal things like who to respect, where the boundaries are and how to be happy with just enough, but humans, man, they are one high falluten piece of work.
Humans ... they want so much.. it is not just the basic requirements that are needed to keep them happy and content.. (and yall know that the other form of happiness and contentment of the cattle and other critters comes in the way of a little nooky each day with the proverbial smokin afterwards.. right??? shessshhhh, do I have to teach you about the birds and bees too????). We humans.. yep, and I be one of them so I will get that right there out in the open, and hencetoforth (I been hanging around with lawyers for the past 2 days.. me thinks they think with.. ahhhhh fuuugggetttabbouttittt....)...I can stick my own thought about what I as a human want.. (hint: A man's love). We need all the basic requirements plus soul food. Now, iffen yall think I am talking about catfish fried up in the pan after being pulled from the river while on a slow boat on a lake with some awesome winkey person that gives you butterflies and goosebumps, yall are right.. but I am more thinking along the line of "soul" food...that winkey person smiling at you even when you look like crapola in the morning and have that ick, pttuiiee, smelly morning breath. That person that sits next to you at comedy clubs and looks at you adoringly even when you are spewing liquid from your nostrils because you cannot just tee hee when you laugh. That person that, for no apparent reason and without cause and warning, decides to grab onto them little digits we call our fingers and lace them with theirs while playing with your arm with the other hand. That person that sits on the floor with you for hours playing some insanely long board game because they enjoy seeing the twinkle in your eyes when they see you are winning (hot damn yay.. I do enjoy winning.. so there....  ). That special one who even when you are in the throes of snoring your ever loving arzzz off after a long, long (catch the drift here folks) night of pleasurable things, open their eyes and gazes at you with love (woooooeeeyy.. give that person a cupie doll for that one) .. watching as you scrunch you face up and drool falls from the side of your mouth, but they are smiling and stroking your hair until you swat their hand away as if it were a pesky bug... YEP THAT IS THE KINDA LOVE WE ALL DREAM ABOUT.. honest to Gawd, down home raised and bred, cuticles of our hair to the tips of our toes kinda love.
Wow.. did I just get sooo mushy and sentimental cuz of 4 legged critters that look at you with them huge brown eyes and go... "mmmmooooawwwwwwooooooo"? Shit, must be something in that wind that is blowing in from the ... wets her finger and holds it up in the air (thanks to my farmer grandpa that taught me this here one) ... I believe west at the moment...
And, I will finish about the Kansas trip in a latter blog as there are things that are calling to me .. Mainly Captain Morgan, Margarita and Galliano.. home again... and hungry, yet again...
So in honor of Grampa (that taught me to fish and hope for the love that will leave me with giant goosebumps): (and it is a blonde jokey.. so remember all you witttle blondie gals.. it is all in funnnn... and the people that make up the jokes, those are the ones you need to seek out and hurt):
Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde says, "Look
at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"
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| Kansas... goosebumps.. and blondes... OMG. what could they have in common? Me! |
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