How would you feel if you were mentally and physically abused throughout all of your childhood by an alchoholic, grew up in a home where you were taught nothing, and the perpetrator tells you to "get over it" when past hurts are resurfacing?
Is it really that easy to just get over it when you're still hurting from all the wrong that were inflicted upon you?
How would you feel about this person saying " get over it " when they obviously don't want to own up to what they did to you as an innocent child? When you're supposed to be guided and not struck down by an unstable environment? How would you feel if they even tried to deny it, even though memories are fresh in your mind.
How hard is it to say you're sorry?
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azgirl701
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May 15 @ 5:58PM
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YOU KNOW I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL TO BE ABUSED FROM SOMEONE YOU TRUSTED AND THEY NEVER SAY THERE SORRY AND YOU DONT GET OVER THINGS LIKE THAT YOU JUST GO ON
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etobin45
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May 15 @ 6:01PM
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I can tell you that the apology I got from my father for the beatings and constant verbal abuse didn't change anything.
I looked inside for the truth and when I found the truth about the person I was created to be, I forgave my father because that is what I needed to do for me.
NO, I didn't tell him that I forgave him but it freed me to move on with my life and become the wonderful person God made me to be.
Looking to someone else to do something for you (especially someone who is so messed up) is an act of futility. It is highly unlikely to ever happen.
Find the truth in you...love yourself and cut the strings to anyone who doesn't love you the way God does.
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azgirl701
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May 15 @ 6:08PM
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I AGREE WITH THE LADY
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Embracing
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May 15 @ 6:08PM
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I fell alot of your pain. I was raised by an alcholic mother. She passed away 3 yrs ago at the age of 63. I've been to counseling several times dealing with this. She was raised by an abusive, alcholic father, which I'm glad I never knew. I never understood, knowing the pain it causes, why she would do us the same way. I love my mom but hate her at the same time. She was a great mother when sober but she sickened me when drunk. I thank God everyday that my dad is such a great father to us.
If you feel the need to talk this out more you can email me anytime. We may be able to help each other in understanding the way we feel.
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missalex
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May 15 @ 6:09PM
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Thanks azgirl and etobin, If I could do those things I would, but I have to see this person acting like they are in the right, my mother doesn't care at all, they act like it's my fault for being abused and hurt. They don't want to realize how I've been affected and don't care in the least what it has done to me or is doing to me. They think I'm the one that's acting out of bounds, when they are "fine" now. I'm going to do my best to get my education so I can get on with my life, and I'm going to tell my son EVERYTHING that has ever happened to me so he can understand my past and his friends if they are coming from abusive homes.
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poeticcougar
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May 15 @ 6:12PM
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My mom doesn't "remember" the hurt she caused or the things she did...convenience or has she blacked out the memories of it? Not entirely sure when she hit her rock bottom but she finally did ask me to forgive her. Sure it was weird 'cause she said (and still says) she doesn't know what she did...but it was enough. As a parents love is unconditional, so is a child's. I know it's hard, I too am living proof. But the day you forgive you feel better. I did it in prayer before I ever said it to my mom (and then I did it on the phone from 2 provinces away...safety in distance).
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missalex
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May 15 @ 6:12PM
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Thanks embracing, You're so lucky to have had atleast one stable parent, that's why I'm leaving my boyfriend right now, he's an alchoholic and abusive, and I'm not going to have my son grow up in a dysfunctional household. And I'll explain to him why we couldn't live with his daddy. I'm not going to hide anything from him.
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Jacksonboy
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May 15 @ 6:17PM
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What they all said earlier. Daddy was an alcoholic and mistreated all of use. You know that runs in familes and you should have serious talks with your children about this. Part of the disease is not seeing or not caring how your actions affect other people. Have you heard of alanon. they really salvaged what was left of my selfesteem. Have a good day.
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missalex
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May 15 @ 6:23PM
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Poeticcougar, I found a letter on his computer to me saying he hopes I can forgive him for all of the terrible things he has done to me, because he has hepatitis C and he *thinks* he's not gonna be here that much longer, for all I know that could be another lie, but what I don't understand is his actions and words towards me in the land of the living? I know that was probably for the time after he would pass. It confuses me so much as to why he would want to deny it and want me to SUPRESS it now, when he wrote this letter intending for me to read it after his death?
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missalex
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May 15 @ 6:26PM
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Jacksonboy, yes I have heard of it and I'm going to try to enroll in a boarding school right now, but they do have counselor's there, and I could ask them when and where the meetings are held. That's a great idea, I'd want to take my son too when he's old enough to understand.
That's a perfect idea.
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RomanticLibra106
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May 15 @ 6:43PM
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Not excusing your alcoholic parent at all, but they don't know any better. Alcoholism is a DISEASE - it runs in families. This isn't to say that their abuse is to be condoned - it isn't. Abusive words cut deeper than any knife and leave even deeper scars. It is up to us to forgive, move on and realize, and this is the hard part, that they will never be the parents we wanted them to be. I know all this only too well. My mother was also abusive in every way a parent could be. My father was never home - he was a workaholic. So he never saw what my mother did.
It took me a long time but I can honestly say I thank my mother for teaching me by example what NOT to be. You in time will find yourself doing the same. No, I will never be as close to my mother as I wanted to be as a child or young teen and no, she will never be the mother I wanted but it wasn't in her to be that way. She was an incested and abused child and teen but the perpetrator there was her father. Her mother I hear was a Saint.
They say whatever hurts us most in life or whoever gives us the most soul's growth and I think that's true.
Forgive her 1% more each day than you did the day before and in time you will find yourself forgiving her.
Hard to say if they will ever say they're sorry, but even if they don't, you know in their hearts that they are - they just don't know any better.
Many Blessings to You and I do hope you start to heal - the only person not forgiving them hurts is you.
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countrygirl77
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May 15 @ 6:48PM
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Hello, I suffered many years of abuse from my earthly father. I have tried to have a relationship with him now, I have told him how what he did made me feel and all, and it was like to him he did nothing wrong. That continued the hurt, I gave my life to God, and the hurt has been healed, eventhough I still never got an appology. The start of the healing process for me, was when God told me to take a real good look at how my father was raised. In doing so, I found out that my dad, had been treated alot worse than he treated me, he did stop some of it, but to him, in his mind some of the things he did were not wrong, because of the way he was raised. He too drank. He did it to hide the pain that he felt from his past, because he didn't know how to handle everything, he wasn't strong enough. But with God, I was strong enough to break the cycle and give my kids a better life, granted I did mess up from time to time, but they never had the life I did growing up. Thank God. I hope this helps you in some way. God Bless. Forgivness is a big key for you to be able to move on also.
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tracylynne
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May 15 @ 7:03PM
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Honey, please find an Al-ateen or Al-anon meeting in your area... they've helped so many children, siblings, spouses and friends of alcoholics.
Good luck and God bless Alex... 
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okietiger
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May 15 @ 7:25PM
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I would find a al-anon meeting asap, they can help with this and it is terrable you had to go through this.
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missalex
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May 15 @ 7:28PM
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thanks romantic, country, okie and tracy. That's what I hear over and over again is forgiveness. If I could find a way to shift the pity I would.
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jimbu
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May 15 @ 8:38PM
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Not to lessen what you have stated, the person may not know how badly you were hurt or they may not care. Depending on how the person was brought up this may be acceptable behavior from their point of view. Abuse takes many forms, mental, physical even co dependency. You will never change the other person, the only change you can make is within. It took me a long time to be able to forgive what I consider the abuse in my life. I did it when I was moving my parents from one state to another and a lot of thought into me and who I was and how I wanted to be. One morning at brealfast I just said I forgive you. The response I received was for what and we talked about it many times over the remainder of his life. His view of what had happened was different than my memory. But he did eventually apologize for how I preceived his discipline. My children are grown and yes I had my bouts with them, but I always went and talked with them afterwards and tried to reinforce my love for them. Learn grow and remember how not to be a parent and make your life better by forgiving yourself and in time the other.
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Sugar_Lee
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May 15 @ 8:50PM
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I was not abused in the manner you speak of but my mother dragged my father throught the mud after he died from the time I was 12 till two weeks before I was 18 and I left home. I never let her drag me down but she tried. She was sick as is the person you refer to, sometimes we must just forgive but never forget. You will only hurt yourself if you hang onto the horror. Not being in that place I know I can't speak for you I can only try and say learn from it and never let it happen to anyone close to you. I just saw a wonderful movie called, "Gerogia's Rule". It deals with this type of abuse and forgiveness not of the one doing the evil but of the ones not believing and how a young girl handles it! I wish you all good things.....and hope you find that peace soon, but it is not in the one that hurt you, it is in you!
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brunettee62
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May 15 @ 8:54PM
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I am sorry that you have had so much hurt
in your life. No one deserves it..
He may never say he's sorry....
When you yourself decide to get
counseling, your healing will begin.
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Sugar_Lee
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May 15 @ 8:55PM
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I might not have been clear when I said "Forgive but never forget". What I meant is to let go of the anger for it damages your soul and let go of the horrible memories but never trust that person around your loved ones, and learn from their problems and mistakes.
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vindybella
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May 15 @ 9:04PM
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I agree that letting go of the anger is a necessary step. However, knowing HOW to let go of it is the hard part which will take help to do alot of cases. Alanon is a great avenue to go. Getting past the hurt is a battle...but it can be done. Living your life to its greatest possibilities and not limiting yourself, reaching for and achieving each goal you set will also aid in developing the self esteem needed as well.
You CAN do this young lady!! 
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firstaircavalryfirst
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May 15 @ 9:46PM
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There have been many "Positive" responses to your blog, young lady! So, I would like to say a coupla things if you don't mind!
One. Living in the past is very dangerous. It will confuse priorities you must set for yourself and your newborn! You must put some space between you and that past. Try going back to school and learn a trade like Cosmetology or Nursing. You can do this.....you know? You are young and full of life with a life depending on you! 
Two. Get away from abusive relationships......Moreover, don't tolerate that behavior from anyone regardless of whom they are! Life is too short to be torn up with emotional problems! 
Along with all the others here.....I wish you the very best.......but, remember, you must make that "FIRST STEP" we can't make it for you!!
SO, go for it!!!!!!
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daisy315
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May 15 @ 9:47PM
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it took me many years to tell my father that I forgave him for the hell he put my sisters and I thru when we were young.. but I made it clear that I wasn't doing it for his benefit, I was doing it for mine.. I didn't spend any time with him when he was dying.. but 2 days before he died I went to his bedside and told him.. am I still angry?.. a little.. words do leave terrible scars.. my self esteem was ruined at a very young age.. and it colored every single relationship I had with men .. it still does.. but, I am still a work in progress
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sciurusniger
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May 15 @ 10:15PM
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How hard is it to say you're sorry? For some, it's impossible. What you must accept is that's the way it is, it may never change, and decide for your Self, right here and now, what kind of person you want to be and what kind of life you want to live, and then just do it.
How we are raised does help create the person we are today but now, as an adult, you have a choice in how your past influences your todays. You can stew about it, spend your time wallowing in self-pity, anger, and remorse. Or you can make up your mind to walk away and leave it behind, taking only the things you need to know (like how to NOT treat your own children).
On a practical level, it is often helpful to put some physical distance between our Self and those who have hurt us. Being away from them allows us to keep our focus on the person we know we can become, and away from what is sometimes called "change back" behaviors...meaning those who hurt us do so to feel superior and when we decide to better our Selves, they go to sometimes desperate measures to get us back to playing our life game their way.
I'll never tell you all of this is an easy thing to do, but I will tell you that it's possible. Just stay focused in the here and now, plan your dreams and then work towards them one step at a time. Every small victory adds up and eventually you will reach the point you can forgive those who have hurt you, and come to see that what they gave you was something to push off against and launch your real Self and the life you were born to live.
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LGTEYES
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May 15 @ 11:59PM
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whoever did this to you, saying they are sorry will not be enough. have you spoke with a counselor? if not please do. a child that grows up in that kind of environment has all kinds of hurt and pain, that sorry will not take away and even though you may not realize it, it cause you problems in decision making as an adult as well as in any relationships you may try to develop. you should really talk to someone about this.
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DeeDee747
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May 17 @ 5:00PM
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for-give-ness, a noun,1) the state of being free from penalty. 2)the act of sending away a wrong or rejecting it.3) Biblical: the act of remitting sin. 4) Personal: the compassion that erases the heart's memory of wrongs suffered.~~~~~~~~~~~~In the New Testament two main words for forgiveness are used. One means "to send away" (aphiemi) The second word means "to release someone" or "to set someone free" (apoluo) The word refers to setting someone free from prison, which paints a picture of its meaning. When you hold someone in unforgiveness, it is as if you have put that person in prison. Until you forgive that person, he or she cannot be set free. The amazing thing is, when you hold anyone in prison, you are in prison as well. It is almost as if you are standing outside the prison cells of the person you havent forgiven. You look up at them and enjoy the fact that they are bound because they offended you SO cruelly. Then you look up and see that you, too are in a larger cell that holds you as well as them. You have to send the offense away. If you have been drawing pleasure from bringing them to mind and envisioning your justification, torturing them, as it were, with the unforgiving fantasies of your mind, you must stop. You are only deepening the wound. " He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if you are to ever reach Heaven; for every one has need to be forgiven" 
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