Anyhow, I skipped into the house as happy as a clam at a vegetarian rally, and had a lovely next couple of days. Except for one little thing.
My mother had, two or so nights before, brought home some lettuce. In fact she had brought home far more lettuce than the aforementioned vegetarians were likely to want to see in their lifetimes.
Now that I think about it, her bringing home all that lettuce might be something to include on my list of mysteries. Certainly none of us could fathom the reason for this antipathetic behavior. On top of bringing it home and forcing us to put it away, the woman, in a fit of utter lunacy, then proceeded to go about alternately insisting and pleading that we eat it. Can you imagine?
Well, this was a dread on my heart. Soon my darling mothers’ car would be turning up the driveway and in to the house she would pop, not with a cheery hello or even so much as an inquiry as to whether or not I would like to go have a pizza, but with a nagging bellow of:
“ Did you eat any lettuce yet? Eat the lettuce!”
I had thought about burying the lettuce in the backyard, hiding it in a cabinet, or bolting out of the house to seek my fortune. All these ideas were summarily rejected, mostly because she would find me and the lettuce anyway.
Also though, because in my happiness from the whole lawn thing, and because this situation was that:
1) I love her, even if she is a bit fruity when it comes to vegetables
2) We aren’t Jewish and
3) lettuce gets along on a ham sandwich quite nicely
All of which helped to convince me to break down and eat a little lettuce. In fact, I had even resolved to go so far as to eat a whole bunch of lettuce, just to make her happy by dint of there being a noticeable dent in the lettuce supply.
I didn’t really hate the idea of lettuce per say. It was mainly that, as someone who was born and raised, and frostbitten , in Alaska I have a prejudice against certain things. One of those being a prejudice against anything that makes me think of winter or cold in general. Hence my refusal to eat Iceberg lettuce.
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