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read more blogs!
Blogs by sciurusniger:
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| Some People Just Love Us Badly |
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lacyvsq
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May 19 @ 11:28AM
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Some people just love us badly.... Too true. I think that it is up to us to truly love ourselves well though. That loving ourselves gives us the capacity to love others. Put yourself in the position of being your own best friend and counsel your best friend in your most loving manner. Perhaps the most loving thing you can do for your mother is to give her an example of loving well. If she chooses to see it and emulate, you both will be richer for the experience. If she chooses to reject your gift, remember that how she lives and loves is her choice as how you live and love is yours.
It's not an easy thing to figure out, but if your actions are not loving toward yourself, they cannot be truly loving to another either. Blessings!
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wandaful123
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May 19 @ 11:39AM
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And all the logic and knowledge in the world does nothing to help in the decision must be made...
Are we trying to "Love 'em right" Show them how they should have loved us?
It is difficult to let go of what is not ours when delivered by our own... whether that be guilt, pain, unrealistic expectations.
Be kind to yourself... Generally the right stuff happens, when we let it.
Why does it appear even more difficult, at times, when we already have the answers.. 
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RainSongSpirit
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May 19 @ 11:49AM
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this was a very heartfelt blog.....it touched me too close to home, and brought up "my stuff" i chose to put in the past.....but its a good thing now i can face them and laugh in the face of that monster that can keep you from enjoying life and trust again! yay for this blog 
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TiNkErGrRrRrR
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May 19 @ 11:59AM
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Once again a wonderful and very insightful Blog!
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misschoos
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May 19 @ 12:17PM
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It's nice to hear when people are really happy
It's a lovely blog
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oceanlover734
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May 19 @ 12:19PM
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Oh this blog ripped at my soul deep down. I cry as I write this. My mother is not a part of my life by my own choice. Sad yes but a necessity for my own well being. Without going into details here lets just say she wasn't a good mom. I think she tried but self got in the way. I for years cried and tried to make "us" a family and honestly as long as I was giving to her it worked. The day came that I needed her emotionaly and she wasn't there for me. I had a WTF moment and have never spoke to her sense. Please don't misunderstand "peeps" it was a process where I realized I can't fix anyone and if they are like poison to my whole being I had to LET GO and I did. I wish her no harm but can't have her in my life. (((hugs))) to you my friend.
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jentoblues101
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May 19 @ 12:28PM
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Having lived outside of I always called "normal" society, I had no idea until I got to prison, trying to become and adult, that the scales fell from my eyes. I realized then that the majority of us were screwed up--whether or not drugs were involved--and that my story-book concept of an adulthood--fair, honest, objective, kind,selfless--is more an ideal than a norm.
It took me years to come to terms with this, but once I did, I began to discover something else: We are amazingly resilient, and harbor an infinite capacity to rise above the scars inflicted by life's "slings and arrows," and love and be happy.
Thank you PJ, for allowing me this entry into more than your thoughts, but into your life.
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Tunes4u
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May 19 @ 12:58PM
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I love your quotes.......I am fond of quotes as you probabaly have noticed...I think sometimes that who wrote the quote is just as interesting as the quote itself.
Here are two favorites just for the record.....
And ...by the way...lovely post.....again.
In search of my mother's garden, I found my own. ~Alice Walker
Learning how to operate a soul figures to take time. ~Timothy Leary
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Kirkish
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May 19 @ 1:03PM
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Some people just love us badly.... *sighs* That strikes a resounding chord...
I would say, since this is someone you will not blow off, then all there is to be done is tolerate what you must, and distance yourself as best you can when there is need to protect yourself.
An insightful and courageous blog, thanks for writing it.
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PullMyFinger
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May 19 @ 1:14PM
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In a perfect world, those that we care for and love would love us with the same intensity and intent as we love them...
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hikingdoglover
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May 19 @ 1:22PM
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Sci, I cannot relate to this, but I sympathize. I would have assumed
you came from a non dysfuctional background because of the way
you present yourself. That is just pure ignorance on my part....and I
know better than to assume that. With all the advice and teachings
you have shared with all of us in your blogs, I wish there was something I could give back to help...... 
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redbronze
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May 19 @ 1:49PM
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smile it seems like we grew up in the same house.. It is good to know that we also see what is around us and that yes we can make change..
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BrainsandBeauty
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May 19 @ 2:40PM
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My mother was abused most of her life by many people in her life and as a mother that made her have certain expectations of us, her children, when it came to "being there" for her. Through very very very much talking and nurturing on my part I have gotten her to a place where for the most part her issues have been put to rest but it was a very difficult and arguement filled road. I can empathize with you...all I can say is they are our mothers for the good or the bad and despite their faults and failings, at the heart of it, they really do love us.
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luvshorses644
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May 19 @ 3:16PM
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What I am about to type, I never believed I would find. My family life has been much along the same lines and growing up with such dysfunction is either a curse or a blessing. I only say this because watching others allow such irrational and ugly abuse and belittling can either make those witnessing same either become an individual who follows the same path of violence and harmful existence, or, (as I have chosen) it can deepen the strength you dig deep to find while in these circumstances, and give you the knowledge to know what you will and will not accept in your own life, and the fortitude and resolve to ensure it does not happen.
My parents are still together. And here is the part I would never have believed. My dad, though perhaps not on the extreme part of beatings to the point of broken bones and hospital visits, regularly used physical punishment (i.e. belts, switches, backhands) when we did something to "push his buttons" by our own acts of being little beasties (and at times, hell, yes, we were devils and deserved punishment, and afore yall get the wrong idea, I am not condoning straps, belts, etc, but see nothing wrong with a swift crack on the azzz). In all honesty, his anger was fueled by my mother who never missed a beat to let him know how badly we behaved and what sacrifice she made by being a stay-at-home mom the very moment he walked thru the door.
I am sorry this is lengthy, but my main theme is that miracles and eye-opening awareness epiphanies are possible. About 15 years ago, I went to visit my parents..something I did every month. And, I kid you not, my dad had overnight become a calm, relatively happy man. I believe, though he will never admit it to me, that he received some sort of message, or was shown his behavior from a viewpoint not of his own and he "changed". I noticed it immediately and my heart felt crunchy and warm .. I remarked to him, upon seeing him sitting calmly testing christmas lights.. "who the hell are you and what have you done to my dad?" He smiled, looked up at me and without missing a beat in his check, said simply.. "I think I owe so many people so much for my past behaviors, and though I will never be able to "make things even" I am gonna try my damndest to be a better person".
Walking the space you do, Sci, with your mom is something I wish would change in the same way with her, but I guess I am just trying to give you a small ray of hope that one day, perhaps, she will be "visited" and the message brought to her will be accepted.
My prayers will be whispered for your entire family and thank the Father, PMF is now in your life and can ease some of that stress. You, lady, are a remarkable woman who has indeed, despite the fate of life, made a wonderful and lovely life for yourself. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for, you have gone above and beyond what most would have. I wish I could just hug you and tell you it will pass, but ....
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PsychoMagnet
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May 19 @ 4:58PM
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So . . .your mom . . . is she still single?
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Eyes_Wide_Shut
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May 19 @ 6:31PM
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I think some people think they are loving us, when they are really trying to love themselves.
It's a painful thing.
I'm sorry, sci.
peace
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kattsmeow
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May 21 @ 12:02AM
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I am glad that you are able to love! You have brought your self up out of your past, and become a strong, loving woman, who loves others.
The past is the past, we can't change it. We can however look to today, and hope for more tomorrow.
Your mother can not see this. She never will. Don't let her drag you down to where she is at. There should be no guilt on your end and I think you really need to tell her enough is enough. You love her, but you have your own life now.
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