My Mother, Mary, was raised in a different time, than most of us. The child of a well known artist, and the fourth child, of a set of six, that her mother, dropped off at the county orphanage, due to what we call today, postpartum blues. Then it was called "melancholy", can the treatment can be read about in, I think, Susan Lot's short story, "'The Yellow Wallpaper'".
While in the foster care system, she lived with various potential adoptive parents, but was never adopted. She later in life married my father, had us six children in ten years, divorced, and raised us alone. She was a waitress, for twenty five years in one place, and had worked as a nurses aide in a nursing home, for several years.
When she first became ill, and had to move into living assisted housing, I wasn't too worried. But, over the last six months, since my father has died, she has taken nothing, but turns for the worse.
The final blow, was her having to be taken by ambulance to McCloud Hospital, in Florence, South Carolina, on Mother's Day. After, the fire department had to take her out of her apartment. She was oxygen deprived, and low on iron.
So, here we sit, trying not to argue, between ourselves, as siblings.
One, wants her to go home with her to Georgia. Mom's medical care is approved for North Carolina, and moving there will cause her to have to start again.
One, is willing to sell his home, and buy a bigger one, something, my Mother would never have expected from any of us at all.
Another, there in North Carolina, wants her to come home with him, but he has three elementary aged children, and works all day, so she would basically be home alone.
So, if she when in her right mind, didn't want any of us to care for her in her old age, because she has the mind set, that she is four years old again, does that mean that they should over ride her wishes?
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AutumnSilk
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May 20 @ 1:53AM
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A friend of mine was representing an elderly client who was living in a skilled nursing facility. In order for the residents to be allowed to have intimate relations with other residents the home needed consent. He asked me..."what do you think".
My answer was this...what was she like when she was able to make her own decisions. His reply was that she was a very moral lady and wouldn't approve. That was the answer, do as she would have wanted if she were in "her right mind".
I recently watched a co-worker suffer through the long, death of her mother. Mom did not want any drastic measures taken to save her life, her husband didn't want to lose his wife so he did every and anything the doctors could think to do. She suffered for weeks before she died. That wasn't what she wanted.
We have an obligation to respect others wishes.
The ultimate decision has to be a collective one, your siblings sound like a great group of compassionate folks... Good Luck
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RomanticLibra106
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May 20 @ 7:15AM
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Your mother needs all of you now. You all know that and apparently have a loving family who is willing to help. Bless you for that. Many do not.
I think you need to do what is best for Mom and what SHE would want (except living alone with is out of the question of course and they ALL want that!) Maybe your sibling who is willing to sell his house and get a bigger one could just put an extra room on his home and not have to move at all. Just a suggestion. He or she would have to find out about the town rules about adding on a room but this would be a lot cheaper and easier for everyone in his family than having to move and uproot his family. It seems to me to be the best soution.
God Bless you all and I'm sure you'll make the right decision.
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misschoos
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May 20 @ 8:17AM
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No I don't think that they should override her wishes.
My mother has expressed the same wish.
You have to respect her wishes
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helen77
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May 20 @ 3:20PM
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helen77
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May 20 @ 3:21PM
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