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"I love spuds,
Spuds love me,
We're all one big family
With a baked one, boiled one, ketchup on the side,
Non-believers will be fried."
(Sciurusniger)
I worship the potato. Baked, fried, boiled or mashed, no matter to me. It’s the perfect food. I know other people worship the mashed potato, too. I was thinking of getting a Church of the Potato together, finding like-minded potato worshipers and holding worship services. Jesus worshiped potatoes as well; it’s in the Bible somewhere, I know it is. Everything is in the Bible if you look hard enough for it. I want to be known as the High Spud.
If you love the potato, you’re welcome to join the Church of Spud. If you like butter on your potato, sour cream, cheese, broccoli or anything else, you’re welcome to worship with us.
We won’t be collecting arms in preparation for the end of days, we won’t subject you to sexual abuse, we won’t be visiting the memorial services of fallen warriors, we won’t incorporate snakes into the services, we’re just going to give the potato the respect it is due...Jesus loves you and so does the potato.
Jehovah Witnesses probably like potatoes, too. So do Catholics, Protestants, Baptists, Hindus, Muslims, Jews, Mormons, and we all know the Irish love potatoes…most of the time anyway. Is Irish a religion? Fk if I know…but I digress. My point is most everyone loves potatoes.
Spud haters. They just chafe my spud-lovin' butt. They rally around their God, thinking my God is a lesser God for liking potatoes. Well, fine then. My God is better than your God and can probably kick your God's butt so hard, Idaho will feel it.
I know spud haters; I live next door to one. They never partake in the creamy goodness of the spud. At first, I hated them…non-believers, now I just pity them. I did everything I could to chastise them, even ridicule them. I even flew a spud flag outside my Spudage (I call my house a Spudage, don’t laugh). It’s in the shape of a Russet. Now don’t EVEN think I’m prejudiced against other potatoes because I chose a Russet, I’m not and don’t go thinking I am.
I know a guy in the town over that worships the melon; dumb-shit. Everyone knows the melon is the food of the devil. People who worship them are idjits and deserve to die a horrible gut-wrenching death by spud. I see thousands of Spudsters hurling thousands of Red Potatoes at these idjits, pelting them into submission and eventually death. Someday, I’ll declare a Pohad on you non-believing mthrfkers and you’ll all regret not bending to the rule of the Spud.
I would so dig having a compound somewhere in the panhandle of Texas, towers outfitted with potato cannons, just in case a gang of spud-hating, melon-licking zipperheads decide to storm my potato stronghold….mthrfkrs.
*Sigh*
You know, some of you religious zealots are fkn scary…really scary. I’m thinking once you pass over, God is gonna jap-slap your silly asses for ignorance and for distorting His word of love, compassion, tolerance and spud worship.
Now pass the mashed potatoes you fkn windowlickers. Services have started.
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read more blogs!
Blogs by PullMyFinger:
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| My God's Better Than Your God.... |
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LipGlossQueen9
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May 26 @ 2:16PM
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and
are both in order
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baldbychoice2kx
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May 26 @ 2:18PM
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All hail the spud!
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conny90045
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May 26 @ 2:22PM
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 Excellent hun 
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Tunes4u
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May 26 @ 2:23PM
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Amen!
Count me in....can I collect the donations? I am good at that part.
Salt, pepper, butter, sourcream.....I don't care.....
What about peels?
I like em either way....with or without.
I am a liberal....un huh.
What I say is that, if a fellow really likes potatoes, he must be a pretty decent sort of fellow."
A. A. Milne (1882-1956),
popular children's author
"Only two things in this world are too serious to be jested on, potatoes and matrimony."
Irish saying
"A diet that consists predominantly of rice leads to the use of opium, just as a diet that consists predominantly of potatoes leads to the use of liquor."
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900), German philosopher
"Money is the root of all evil, and yet it is such a useful root that we cannot get on without it any more than we can without potatoes."
Louisa May Alcott (1832-1888), American novelist
"Found a little patched-up inn in the village of Bulson. Proprietor had nothing but potatoes; but what a feast he laid before me. Served them in five different courses-potato soup, potato fricassee, potatoes creamed, potato salad and finished with potato pie. It may be because I had not eaten for 36 hours, but that meal seems about the best I ever had."
General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964)
"Potatoes served at breakfast, At dinner served again; Potatoes served at supper, Forever and Amen!"
Pennsylvania prayer
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christy74
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May 26 @ 2:23PM
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Thank you, O High Spud.
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Cynbaby
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May 26 @ 2:25PM
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I'm not very fond of the potato, I prefer yams  .
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luvshorses644
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May 26 @ 2:29PM
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Don't let my mother see this blog... she has been soooooooo upset with how her "first child" turned out with regards to religion. My philosophy has always been that God doesn't exist in Church... I mean, holy crap, he'd have to been faster than the speeding bullet to be in all churches at every frikken mass.. oh, look, and I am still standing, no lightning bolt or Satan at the doorstep!!!! (Mom will never believe it!!!)
But rather than worshipping the spud, I have my favorite the cucumber.. I eat em right from the garden.. yeppers.. them thar shiney green long appendages growing on that thar vine..instead of Nuke Em.. I say Cuke Em!!!
You so ain't right... and when I am burning in hell for my blasphemous ways, I will gladly drop on over to your flamebed and share some jalepaneo stuffed spuds with ya!!!
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TallBlonde1
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May 26 @ 2:32PM
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I had mine scalloped last night, cheesy sauce...yum Spud worship has it's tasty side.
some of you religious zealots are fkn scary Couldn't have said it better! 
Tunes you send me.. 
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witchietoo
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May 26 @ 2:38PM
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lol....too funny..was eating mashed spuds as I read this. Now I have to clean my screen
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Kirkish
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May 26 @ 2:44PM
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Good blog.
Some of the fanaticism is pretty alarming.
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sciurusniger
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May 26 @ 2:55PM
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You were right, babe (or dare I say,"hun"?) 
They don't recognize themselves.
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Tunes4u
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May 26 @ 2:58PM
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PMF,
A certain someone who will remain nameless here, asked me to post a comment for them, as I guess you two don't usually see eye to eye....no spud pun intended.
He wrote:
" tell him his "my god, your god" blog is one of the best ones I've ever read....hilarious and right to the point of what's wrong with fanatics!!"
So there...I have done my job and my work here is finished.
Glad to be of service.
Tunes
DSIDC ( H )
Director of Spud International Donations and Contributions ( Hopefully)
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kjac
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May 26 @ 3:03PM
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Nice blog. And I'm eating potatoe chips while I read it.
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misschoos
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May 26 @ 3:24PM
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You can ask my friend HeadOfDept about the Irish
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Chickapea
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May 26 @ 4:47PM
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LOL Here in Pa people would be lost without Potato Pancakes , and Potato salad. and fried potatos with their breakfast. Potato soup fed a family during hard times. Potato casseroles & bacon. The list goes on and on.
I love the yellow yukon potato , makes for good eating.
I,ve been on a low carb diet and now thanks to your blog I am craving a potato so I,m going out and buying some Potatos.
Look out Potato pancakes here I come lol. 
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canadianbbw
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May 26 @ 8:01PM
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I really get what you are saying here, and Sciurusniger's comment, too.
I don't bother with the religious blogs anymore,
it isn't worth the aggravation. If I want to be told by
some other human being who thinks they are closer to God than I am,
that they know exactly who's going to heaven and who isn't,
that my beliefs are wrong, that they are servants of a God of love and
tolerance yet think it's funny to take potshots at someone's
appearance, then I can just go visit some family members,
at least I have a history with them, and love for them.
In the meantime I'll just go read the orgasm blogs.
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Palomino
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May 26 @ 8:30PM
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Most excellent blog!! I'm waiting for your book to be published, yanno. I'll be second in line for an autograph (behind Sci, of course...LOL)
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hikingdoglover
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May 26 @ 8:46PM
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You have a Russet style house too?
I had to replace one of the brown spots with a few window-spuds
last year.All in all it maintained its style.
I usually don't come out of my spud mansion here on MD...
I get fearful of all the spud haters.I stick my head
up my spud hole and hope the big bad POHAD has not been declared yet.
Going to Texas, hmmmm???
You WACO you.
Hugs you two...
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bandtmom
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May 27 @ 4:22PM
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All Hail the Spud!!
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SunBabe
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May 27 @ 6:04PM
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Brilliant, as usual, MrPotatoHead.
Alas, probably a bit too deep for the self-aggrandized chosen of the potato patch. 
To me -- no offense to anybody -- a spud's a spud. That doesn't mean I can't like or appreciate the different flavors of rice or melon...the world wouldn't be half as interesting without a well-rounded diet...and choices. Then again, maybe I'm just too old to see any sense in food fights...or old enough to envision and cringe at the mess in the end. 
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kattsmeow
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May 28 @ 10:53AM
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I love potatoes!! My favorite food group. Every day is alright with me.
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trulylovinglife365
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Jul 12 @ 7:05PM
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if u truly loved the potato, you would never have to defend your home.
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