I'm on my 12th day of the master cleanse lemonade fast. I think it was about August of last year when I last did it and two years ago when I first tried it. Both of the previous times, I fasted for the minimum ten days. When I started this time around, I had in my mind that I would go for 14 days, but I have changed my mind and decided to go for 40 days.
As an adjunct, I have begun Bikram yoga -- yesterday was my first day. I bought the unlimited 30 day package so that it would coincide with the end of my fast. My plan is to go every day -- really get my money's worth (the Dutch in me...).
From the first, nothing about my cleansing has gone right. I have had challenges with throwing up (something I normally do only when intoxicated), with elimination, with having all the right tools at hand (taking them to the office and forgetting to bring them home), with the price of limes (expecting them to be 10 for a dollar and finding them to be 4 for a dollar -- then the next day 12 for a dollar), finding out I was measuring incorrectly...
So, today is my second day at hot yoga and when i get there, I find the power is out -- but there will be class in candlelight -- and if anything, the room is even hotter and more humid.. I definitely did better today than yesterday, but I am terribly inflexible and aerobically out of shape and very unbalanced. All in all though, there is something very satisfying about sticking with the fast and making it through my second day of yoga even with a challenge. Three days in a row...well, I should not cont my chicks before they hatch I guess...but I am rather psyched after today -- even if I did feel very weak.climbing the stairs about 30 minutes ago.
I often say that things happen the way they are supposed to... I think the fact that nothing is going as I expect is part of a process with me right now. I have been going through tremendous grief with the loss of Mandy. So much of my life previous to her death was focused on caring for her and finding something else to treat her myriad problems...and in the end, I was not in control of her life and death. Things did not go right...they did not go as I expected...
So, throwing up, failing to eliminate, holding on to my shit, being inflexibe, unbalanced and powerless is not only where I am finding myself physically, but also where I am finding myself emotionally...and there is a part of me that would like to throw in the towel, and another part that is sure that working through the physical challenges will allow me to release the emotional anguish...so I will -- by grace -- continue and persist through 28 more days -- four weeks -- a shorter time than my Mandy has been gone now...and try to let go of my expectations...
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