When I was about six, my grandma told me my daddy died.
I cried and cried, because that meant I would never meet him and he would never come and get me. As I grew up I was told he drank to much , that he was still so in love with my older half sisters mom, that my mom and him broke up because of her. Later she told me many lies all aimed at making me not wanting to meet that side of the family . It never worked. She didn't want to lose me I guess. I had a picture of my Big sister leaning up against a car. I treasured that photo and said every time i took it out that when I get old enough I will go find her.
I had no idea where to start. All I had was her name and the wrong spelling of it. I didn't get very far. A few years ago I typed her name into aols member search. I had done it so many time before that with no results this time I pulled up a name different spelling but by the words she said I knew it was her. I was scared to death. A few years before this I had met my little brother for the first time. He was adopted out when he was a baby and I had grieved over him everyday. I kept looking in every newspaper of the town where his adopted mom lived in hopes of getting a glimps of him so i would know they were still there. Finally He found us when he was 18 and called me. I was so happy until he arrived and turned out to be everything but what we imagined he would be. He even came on to me and his younger half sister. I was sick to my stomach. He left and we still haven't heard from him. Not a bad thing that he never came back I guess, but it broke my grandmothers heart. I still hurt from disappointment.
I wrote my big sister that same day and soon found I have cousins, neices and nephews.
Even though I would never meet my dad I had a first hand account of who he was. It made a big change in my life and how I felt about myself.
Before I felt like half of me was missing. Why did I do certian things , and why did I have certian features no one else had? I felt so different from my family and never knew why.
Finding them has not been picture perfect though. My sister lives in california.
I was not welcomed to family dinner or thanksgiving at the cousins, but at least we talk on the internet.
It isn't like on tv where you meet and suddenly you have a whole big family with open arms asking you over for sunday dinner every week. Regardless. I can't explain it, but I love them as much as if I had known them from childhood. I don't think it is as clear cut for them. The letters have all but stopped. My sister still writes.
My nephew was attacked by a ten year old rott on the tenth ( Me' Me's birthday). I didn't find out until a couple of days later even though my big sister sent an email to me on the tenth. This cute little guys face is messed up . Scars, probable nerve damage.
It sucks big time. I haven't heard back from my sis with all the details. I only have the basics. Ten year old rott, drinking adults, child and dog not seperated. I think it is hard for my sister and her family to include me totally, because I haven't been there all their life. It hurts when I think that I will always be the outsider looking in no matter what I do.
I am praying for my wise looking nephew, with his sad in so much pain , old soul , big brown eyes. I want his face to heal and the damages to heal so the scar is not very noticable.
I was bit in my face by the family mixed breed dog when I was little and I still carry a noticable , only if you stare hard enough, scar on my left cheek. This really hit home. One moment of negligence and a childs life will never be the same. Thank God he is still alive. I can' t help but cry when I think about it. 
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| rott attacks and a trip down memory lane. |
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