There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down and hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carryin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside Don Henley, et al. "The Heart of the Matter"
Every so often, this tune goes through my mind. I love that song. For that matter, I love most of the old Eagles/Don Henley stuff. But this is the one I “hear.” I know all about forgiveness. I know one is a better person for being able to forgive. I know that holding anger inside only hurts yourself….it does nothing to the person who angered you or perhaps should somehow be forgiven.
Some times when I “hear” this song in my head, I wonder if it is because I’ve always been so fond of the song or if it is because there is a person from my past that I have never been able to forgive for what I felt was a major wrong-doing.
She was supposed to be my friend. A cyber friend, but none the less, I thought a very good friend. She hurt me. I tried to explain to her that she hurt me & why it hurt me. I always thought that through friendship, most anything could be worked out. But instead of caring that she was hurting me & apologizing for doing so & attempting to make a difference going forward, she continued doing it. As a matter of fact, she “turned up the volume” as I came to say about the situation.
At the time, it got really ugly. It was as if daggers were being thrown at me intentionally. “Let’s see just how bad we can make Missliss feel today.” The situation as it was is neither here nor there at this point in time. It was a long time ago. It’s all past history now. Life goes on. It still nags at me in the back of my mind sometimes, though.
In retrospect, I am fully aware of what was going on. I still do not understand it. I’m sure I never will. It’s so hard to believe that someone who is supposed to be your friend could be so hateful & full of contempt. I guess the bottom line is that she was never my friend. Not a true friend. I was duped.
And so it goes. I still cannot find it in my heart & soul to forgive this woman the wrongdoing she did to me. I am finally at a point that I do not feel bitter about it anymore. I don’t think of it often. There’s just the occasion I hear that song…and I think of her & back then. It bothers me that I can’t find it in myself to forgive. I’ve never felt this way before. I hope some day the memory will just go away…be erased forever.
I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
and my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
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KAOS2007
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Jul 30 @ 12:17AM
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I have an ex friend who did me in more than one time. I forgave and forgave, because I really loved her. But she pulled the stunt of all stunts a couple years back... and since then I have not seen nor spoken to her. Not because I wouldn't
have, buy because she made it that way, bd I wasn't going to chase her down.
I don't know if I forgive her? Or I just simply don 't care about her anymore. I think it's the latter. It ate me up inside for a while, but she had done this kind of thing so many times before it seemed someone or something was telling me, just let it be, it wasn't meant to be.
She never cherished our friendship as I did, although she said she did, her actions rarely matched her words.
I often, from time to time, wonder what she's up to, but more so, I wonder what her kids are up to, since I loved them like my own. But I understand their loyalty to their Mom, so it doesn't surprise me they haven't kept in touch.
I don't know if forgiveness releases the soul, I do know that once they push you as far as your limits allow, it simply doesn't matter anymore.
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Jankia
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Jul 30 @ 12:18AM
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Its hard to forgive unless you can forget something.
No,most likely the hurt caused, you will never be able to forget but Ive found out that forgetting the hate is as good as forgetting the reason for that hate.It is easier and can be done.
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eti234
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Jul 30 @ 2:22AM
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I think you are a sweet, sensitive and smart women. Your hardship of forgiving this particular women has to do somewhat with the sharpness of your memory, and intensity of your emotions. Check the presure of your normal handwritting on a piece of paper written with a ballpoint pen. If you can feel tiny bumps on the other side of the paper, than you are the type of person who remembers emotional hurt for a very long time. Light writters forget faster. Try to lighten up the pressure of your writting, unless you like it this way. This my sound silly, but it's not.
I have no problem with forgiving. The lyrics of that song are really great. You can work at forgiving. It is worth it. You don't want anything eating you up inside.
Love yourself. You are great, you are the best. Keep that in mind.
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Nightowl001
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Jul 30 @ 5:27AM
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Missliss, I really don't have anything I can say here. I just wanted to let you know I read your blog and I wish you well.
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misschoos
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Jul 30 @ 5:50AM
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lacyvsq
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Jul 30 @ 6:30AM
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Forgiveness is usually thought of as a magnanimous gesture by a wronged person to declare everything "all right". The way for this generous activity is generally paved by the contrition of the evil perpetrator.
True forgiveness however is when you look upon your "partner-in-action" as totally innocent of any wrongdoing. For some reason, you are meant to be at this place at this time, and if anything in your past had changed, you would be in a different place at this time. Your friend did what she was supposed to do to get you to this place. Whether that was her intent or not is not important. Whether you understand right now why you are supposed to be in this place is not important. Accept that both you and your friend behaved perfectly to accomplish some purpose, and you will be set free of the judgement of her and of yourself.
Blessings and peace missliss! 
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floatboater
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Jul 30 @ 8:54AM
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Hi Missliss....
Well that sounds familiar to me...I have been there done that....there was a time I carried the burden of hate around for enough time that it was "eating me up" and finally...finally...finally, and I wish I could tell the world this...I just plain forgave the person...over and over and over again, in my mind.....
It took me saying I FORGIVE YOU hundreds of times to myself...over and over...day after day...for I don't know how long...and one day...the cloud lifted...it actually lifted...and I was FREE FROM THE HATE....IT WORKED!
Now ...........if I can do that....you can do that...(we are in the same business by the way).....and what a neat feeling that it's over....
I wish you well...write if you have time....have a great day!
Life is good!....float
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Purplemix1
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Jul 30 @ 10:48AM
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HI MIss, well hun, thing happen in life that cause us to feel , some good, some not, but its what makes Memories in this game of Life. Hold on to the good and let the bad float way, easier said than done , believe me I know. Knowing you as a kind and sweet person that you are, I'd say the person who hurt you lost a "Diamond" of a friend . Usually two things tear up a friendship, if it's two women involved, usully it involves a man or, one buying the same outfit for a get together knowing her friend already plans to wear it. (my humor showing),, but i'd say if it was a man,,,and if your xfriend ended up with him, she and he, both just got, Fools Gold, and that ain't worth squat,lol. But as a friend is always saying to me, Time will tell but i'll say I think as for forgiving, I don't think it matters alot, don't worry about if you can say , I forgive, just let time close the chapter that caused you so much hurt and get that pen out and start writting a new one, Make it so full of happiness and laugher that the old chapter doesn't even hold a speck of your memory, Happy Days my friend~~~~~~~
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Duffy125
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Jul 30 @ 2:49PM
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ya know, I can so relate to this... I experienced a fall out with a friend and I forgave but the friendship faltered anyway. I can't say I forgave her the second time around - when it faltered.. because we haven't spoken since and I think I may have (to myself) but with reservation. I wonder how she is doing at times, but I know, because of my past experience with her, that if I did hear from her again, I'd tell her I don't want her around.
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Sweetheart83446
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Sep 19 @ 10:22PM
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Awe, how did I miss this blog?  I am saddened to hear that anyone who want to hurt you, you of all people. I know no one is perfect, but I have yet to see you be mean to anyone.
Forgiveness is a hard thing, there is someone in my life, who I thought I was made a better person by going through the situation I did with them, but tonight, I realized, I am still bitter and angry, how is one to move on with their life, if they still hold that inside?
My questions are the same as yours, it's so hard to forgive, but once we finally find the capacity to do so. I think we will all be better and stronger.
HUgsss, g/f
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