She Can't Miss What She Never Knows posted 8/12/2007 6:23:12 PM | 1 kudo what's this?     report abuse tagged: grandma, family, kids, anger

MonkeyWoman29

Most of you know that I have an beautiful, fabulous, intelligent, funny, vivacious three year old daughter who means the world to me. (Can you tell?? ) And most of you also know that I have a baby boy on the way who will mean JUST AS MUCH to me. I feel extremely blessed to have two kids in my life as the doctors told me a long time ago that my chances were slim to none of ever carrying any more children to term. I have lost four babies, so to have these two, needless to say, is my dream come true.
Well, this last pregnancy has been very hard on me. I don't know if it's because I am thirty now, or because my bones and my body are in such horrible shape from the accident I had before I gave birth to B, and the surgery I had before getting pregnant with G, or because I now have a toddler to run after ninety per cent of the day. But, that's OK, because I LOVE running after her. I'm in good company; that's what I had her for.
Anyway, most of you also know that my mother passed away a very long time ago, when I was nine, and my fafther is in ill health. Granny (Dan's Granny, and MINE, I claimed her) passed away in July of this year. So that leaves B and G with only one set of Grandparents, Dan's parents. While I love Dan's parents and appreciate absolutely everything they have done for us, I must say that as far as Grandmothers go, his mother doesn't win the prize.
I know that sounds harsh, but it is true. Ever since B has been able to walk and make a mess and fool with her perfection - she loves perfection, especially when it comes to housework, and that and a three year old does NOT mix- she has basically tried to avoid watching my daughter at all costs. I have a pelvic fracture that has started to re-seperate due to me being almost 38 weeks pregnant and carrying so low. I had to go to the hospital the other night so we called her up, thinking that she would sit here with my daughter while I got checked out just to make sure I wasn't in labor and that my leg wasn't going to fall off- but instead she drug my daughter out at midnight and took her home with her. And the minute my daughter woke up the next day, she was calling wanting one of us to come get her, knowing the doctor had given me two percocet and two ambien and that I am not used to being drugged up like that, also knowing that Dan was tired from being up with me at the hospital all night.
I took B to daycare three times last week, spending a whopping ninety bucks that we can't really afford with our new addition on the way, because I had several doctors appointments and also was up with B who has a double ear infection two nights in a row- and I just HAD to get some sleep. She'd call me up and ask if I needed her to watch B, but always interject that she hadn't had much sleep or she felt bad or this or that or the other. The last time she asked, I just simply told her that it was up to her. She gave a kind of 'eeeaw' sound, and I said FORGET IT I will take her to daycare. My point being, if you don't want her there, I DON'T WANT HER TO BE THERE. This is your loss, lady, because it is a PRIVELEGE to be around my daugther, an absolute joy. I know that I shouldn't be surprised, because my sister-in-law's kids are not close to her either. She won't even let her ten year old grandson in the kitchen with a cup of water. IN THE KITCHEN. The other day we were at the pool and it started to storm, and we were all sitting on her porch getting drenched by the COLD rain, and she didn't even offer to invite us in, because we all had damp swimming suits on.
Dan went down yesterday and told her that the doctor said I needed to rest, and had to have help, and he wanted to work out with her if she wanted to pick B up or us to bring her down there, and she replied that we'd work it out later. Dan said NO we would not either because when we do that we wind up taking her to daycare.I couldn't believe he said that! Dan thought I was sending her down there tonight but that's not the case, because my appointments tomorrow are not until three p.m. I'll call and see if she is going to watch her while I go, but I can almost garauntee that she'll ask if I'm going to utilize the daycare tomorrow... or any time this week.
I just think it's sad that my daughter will never know the kind of grandmother MY mother would have been... and WAS... I grew up with some of my nieces and nephews because my mother had us late in life. She was a fabulous mother (though ill) and a fabulous grandmother. I can't remember a time when she didn't have all three of her grandkids- AND US. And she enjoyed every minute of it. If she were still around, we'd be complaining because she never brought B. home.
Dan tries to force his Mom to look after her, saying that he doesn't want B to miss out on having a grandmother. But my feeling is... she can't miss what she never knows. And she will never know what it's truly like to have a grandmother. And that's OK, because I will be here for her. And G. And I've already told Dan that they won't be picking up just G, it will B and G or just B. They're not just going to watch G because he's a baby and can't frick with anything.

Continued!

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