He is still in the house and still leaving. He says as soon as I get my surgery he is leaving. He announced last night he was asked to go over and watch videos by a couple and he was going. I was upset, the whole time we were married we had no friends and didn't do adult things together and now he is going off to have fun while his daughters are crying for him to stay. He told me I was holding on to something that isn't there and to get over it. I finally screamed I can't take this anymore your playing games sending one message that makes me have hope then slaming that door shut in my face when I reach toward it. I am sick of the pain I will just die if I must. Just go.
He said ok I will come get my things Friday. He left of course to go over there, and I am a mess. I want to be strong but I feel like a big glob of nothing. I am going tomorrow and get a job anywhere. I hope I can find one where I am off on the weekends. I want so bad for the hurt to go away. I want to hate him so I can go on without him. I want to be able to live every day loved cherished and with someone that wants forever and someone that would never cheat on their wife no matter how bad things get. I went to the doctor today and he said that he is concerned about the size of my stomach and he wanted to find out what is going on. He ordered ten vials of blood taken he is running major tests but now that I told him off and he is leaving Friday I am not getting any help I bet. I made that mistake. I should have come online earlier and then I could have been warned not to do it . I called his mom and found out that he had not even told her. He lied to me when he said he did and she let me have good. I am now screwed. She told me someone was calling and hung up on me. I am so confused as to what the heck is going on and I feel so darn alone and empty inside. I know as soon as I get a job even if I can't do the work he will stop helping me and I will be alone. I am so tired of falling for cheating men and men that leave when things get rough. Don't men ever stay? Do all men cheat? My world makes no sense to me right now. I don't know what I want anymore. I am an emotional mess. No one answered the question, how can you stop loving someone that you once thought was your whole world? It is so hard not to blame it all on myself.
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cudahudson
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Aug 15 @ 9:59PM
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Sorry to hear what you are having to endure. It will take time to heal. But to heal you will have to let go 100%. Get involved with the kids more. Make some friends, call old ones you haven't seen in a long time. Get a hobby. And please don't tell anyone I said this. I have a reputation to uphold...Start attending Church, get your kids involved there too. Prayer is a great comfort and I have found the more you pray the better you feel. Hating him is not the answer. Forgive him and get that burden off your back. Get a job that will support you and the kids and if he doesn't help then take him to court through the Attorney Generals office to collect straight from his check.
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sassypoo
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Aug 15 @ 10:06PM
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Cry, then pick yourself up and move on. That is all you can do. You have yourself and your children to see to. I just went through my third divorce....and I have stage 4 cancer in both lungs. You can't make someone love you. You can't make someone live or stay with you. Forget him. He is not worthy to kiss your feet! You'll be fine. Trust me.
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whatagal
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Aug 15 @ 10:08PM
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You have excellent advice from Cuda and Sassy.  All I want to add is that you have support here in MD. Most of us have been there and can empathize. 
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cartay25
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Aug 15 @ 10:12PM
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It may not be possible to stop loving someone you once thought was your whole world and that's ok. When all of this is over and the pain begins to lessen you may realize that you still love them but for who they were and not for who they are now. In time you will understand that just because you love someone it doesn't mean that you can or should live with them. He has been a major part of your life and may always be because of the girls, so there may always be a part of you that never forgets the love you once shared.
You can't blame yourself for something you had no control over. In time, this too will be easier to believe. I hope only the best for you and your girls and good luck in with the job hunt.
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vettman454
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Aug 15 @ 10:17PM
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I hated to hear you are catching such a hard time. Allot of us have seen hardtimes and badtimes as well, you have been given some good advice allready. Try to take it oneday at a time, pray for the best and be prepared for the worse. In time things will get better.
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sktrbuggie
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Aug 15 @ 10:30PM
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Do what you have to do and show him that you can survive!! You can do it!! Everyone above me has given great advice. You do have support here on MD, even from the people you dont know like me.
The best thing to do is live for yourself and for your kids right now. You have them and they depend on you. You will be able to make it, I have faith in you. It sounds like you have been through alot and you are still here, so that tells me you are a strong woman. Being strong will get you were you need to be.
Dont ever be afraid to ask for help. You'd be suprised what it can do. Even the little things that people can do for you will help ease the pain. I divorced my cheating husband a year and a half ago...I am still moving on and picking up the pieces but I am doing it and I know you can too.
Anytime you need someone to talk to feel free to message me. I may not have the advice you need, or the wisdom that goes with age, but I have some experience and will always be willing to just listen.
Take care sweetie!
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kallie_ko
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Aug 15 @ 10:52PM
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Big hugs to you for this tough time... but you know what.. this could be blessing in disguise... make the most of it! This is a chance to reinvent yourself! YEA! Get into the best shape of your life emotionally, spiritually and physically. Smile all the time even if you are crying through the smiles... do it anyway! Become that beautiful person you have lost touch with through all this stress and anxiety over will he stay or will he go... make yourself ... The Amazing New You!! Get your hair done, or a manicure... start small and work into it. The best revenge is looking and feeling better than the day he walked out the door, the next time he sees you!  Chin up girlfriend... this is your time to shine! Let him go..... Then focus on you and your girls... they will remember this time and how you bounced back from it for their entire lives....
* Your montra... "I am beautiful.. and I am worth more of an effort than he was putting in!"
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Rinimer2003
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Aug 16 @ 1:47PM
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Cry...rant and rave....scream...and then pick yourself up and go on.
Much easier said then done - I know....but its your only choice. Old cliche's like "time heals all wounds", etc. really are true - it just feels like it will never happen. Its not easy - but please care for yourself and your children enough to go on and make the best life you can.
In the rough times ahead...remember - there are many who truely care!
Sara
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darthaggie
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Aug 16 @ 3:14PM
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Don't men ever stay? Do all men cheat?
Yes. No. But that's neither here nor there. You could trip over guys like that, except...
I am so tired of falling for cheating men and men that leave when things get rough.
Until you change this, things won't change. And just so you know, I'm not picking on you. I have a really bad habit of picking women who are Not Good For Me. Sorry, I don't have access to the crystal ball the can tell you who's solid and who's not, and what the future holds.
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SunBabe
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Aug 19 @ 8:13PM
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Chatty, I've been quietly pullin' for the two of you for ages, hoping that the new house was going to be a new, positive direction. I'm SO sorry to hear this news. 
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katydid143
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Aug 19 @ 9:59PM
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I have to agree with the advice you have already been given! The only thing I can add is that sometimes one day at a time seems impossible. I got through it by realizing that I didn't have to stop loving him, I did stop respecting him. I lived most days minute by minute, and I got through. My friends now can't believe that I ever was that person, because now I am much better and so much stronger. You too will get to this point, And I will add you to my prayers. Anytime you need a shoulder I will loan you mine.
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