Journal entry: August 18, 2007: This was a wonderful morning and with the late afternoon approaching I am sitting waiting for Abbey's back shoes to be done, and reflecting on a simple, but happy morning.
My son came over with his backhoe to brush hog my field. He trusts me with the Kubota to do the lower field as I have been working on that most of this summer when the heat would permit me to do so without becoming even more light headed than usual. This has been the third year of drought in our area and with the temperatures hovering just below 100 degrees, the farmers here are hurting badly.
Having roots with farming and mining and logging I grew up probably, in most people's eyes, a conservationist. I am earnestly trying to give back to Mother Earth some small part of my own. I have no Native American blood in my veins, but in my heart, I can tell you it whispers to me constantly to take little steps and hope.
A lot of people view people like me who still hold out hope and try small measures to help are labeled as dreamers. They feel that the world is beyond saving. While they may be right, I am certain of one thing, if no one makes small steps and begins movement toward improving what is so sorely needed, will some omnipitent power wait until we are facing the final countdown and then stretch his powerful hand and erase all the evil, fix all that is broken, calm all the angry people, and give us back Eden that Adam and Eve set about destroying?
I love nature, truly. It is my solace when I am feeling wounded and tired. It embraces me with tender warm winds that until I am wrapped in some arms that will hold me as gently and without hesitation will suffice. This breeze brings to me scents that fill my mind with colors and memories. When the breeze blows from the southwestern part of my land, there is the wild jasmine that encompass my sense of smell, and when (please let it be soon) there is the gentleness of the rain, the smell of freshly moistened dirt and grass bring me comfort.
These are but exercises to heighten and sharpen my senses for future days of being able to share this with one gentle man whose stomach turns to jelly when I smile. I feel him here at times, his arms gently around my neck and his face in the crook of my shoulder, smiling, with the beautiful wrinkles that come from practicing that art of smiling and being happy. If I sharpen my senses and close my eyes, I can feel his nimble hands slowly kneeding my shoulders and his warm moist lips grazing my neck. Did you hear that heart? It was the sound of his quirky little laugh.
There are people in our world, that are unsung heroes. I know that most people know of the heroes that first come to mind when you think of the word. ... those serving our country in one or another form of military duty (thank you from the bottom of my heart), police, doctors, nurses, EMTs, etc. But there are also heroes no one thinks of each day. They are the ones that are the "token" aides of the world. They are the blood givers, the people that work with charities like Habitat for Humanity, Second Harvest, the farmers (who you really do owe your life to.. without their valiant efforts even in years of drought like we are seeing there would be no food), the miners (they provide the fuel for some of us), etc., etc., etc. But if you mention them to most people, they are not someone that comes to mind as doing any type of service to us. They deserve our thanks also.. so I will thank them here.
A very wise woman once commenting in my daily journal of my thoughts, dreams, hopes and fears (commonly known as my blogs) said that she was exactly where she should be at exactly this moment. And I feel that I am also that fortunate. Lucky enough to be able to once again swing my sometimes useless legs (comes along with trauma and damage done to them years past) out of bed each morning and hear the lovely songs of the birds at my feeders thanking me in the way they do, with beautiful and enchanting songs that they make up on the spur of the moment. I look out my window and see the greens of those trees and bushes that provide the oxygen I breathe and the blue of the sky that brings the winds that give me respite from the heat and clouds to dream on.
I have been fortunate in my life to have attended many pow-wows and I have sat with Natives and listened to the elders tell of the protectors of Mother Earth. I have a collection of kachinas from these events. They are my very own protectors. When I had a reading with Chief Joseph Brown Bear, he introduced me to the Shaman of the Council, and she took my hands and looked into my soul and told me of my animal counterpart.. the fawn. The fawn is timid and gentle and loves with no boundary. She also gave me my very own personal fetish fawn with the stone that is my character stone, Jasper. The fetish is always with me wherever I go, tucked into my handmade medicine bag (I made it with the help of the council women) and a piece of pink quartz (to protect my heart and bring me love). Jasper is said to chase away evil spirits and aid in bringing one what it is they need. Since I have a dang fine sense of humor and the Council saw that they gave me the Native Name of Laughing Cloud.
I think even being a "token" in this crazy, fast paced world, I am happy with who I am and what I do. I may not save lives in the fashion that most recognition goes along with, but I do small parts to assist those that do.
I choose not to acquiesce to knowing that the world is in such sad shape that I complain and take for granted all the good there is to be found in simple things. I do not spend a lot of time here in MD land anymore, because though I have friends here, this really is NOT reality. As a dear friend told me and I believe: .. MD provides help for some and company for others, but after seeing the same blogs repeated (and there have been plenty that take the idea of one writer and give it a new twist with their own words) day in an out, and living in a land of "what if" or "perhaps we could", "I'll be happy when ___________", I prefer the secret of contentment and gratitude for things that will be be forever --- nature, friends, family, peace, joy, laughter.....but most importantly..LIFE. I am/have been/ will continue to be content with sunrises, sunsets, clouds, breezes, the blue skies, fresh air...birds...babies, butterflies, dragonflies, etc. Because after I turn off the monitor real life is what awaits me.
My choice to ease the strain and the overwhelming task of life...is not to spend more time relating to the monitor than trying to find soulful contentment with a real life.. I am off TO DO IT!!
Enjoy people.. and if you enjoyed reading this tidbit from my journal of life thank you for reading and if you did not, oh well!
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| Contentment and Love.. not monitors and what ifs... choices once again |
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misschoos
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Aug 18 @ 6:12PM
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I took the time to read every word in your blog.
You may like to know that it's so cold in the UK at the moment, that I
left midway to get a jumper on to keep me warm to read until the end. 
I really liked your blog. 
I prefer your blogs when they are entirely written by yourself, as
opposed to the ones with the jokes etc, although I do enjoy your
jokes too, because they are new to me. 
Thank you, it's the best blog I have read all day.
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MetryTechie
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Aug 18 @ 6:14PM
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A lot of people view people like me who still hold out hope and try small measures to help dreamers. They feel that the world is beyond saving. While they may be right, I am certain of one thing, if no one makes small steps and begins movement toward improving what is so sorely needed, will some omnipitent power wait until we are facing the final countdown and then stretch his powerful hand and erase all the evil, fix all that is broken, calm all the angry people, and give us back Eden that Adam and Eve set about destroying?
I believe it is our duty to be good stewards of the earth. God is not going to do it for us. We aren't dreamers. We should care about creation.
God Expects Humans to be His Stewards with Nature
Genesis 1:26. Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth and over all the creatures that move along the ground."
Lev. 25:23-24. The land is mine and you are but aliens and my tenants. Throughout the country that you hold as a possession, you must provide for the redemption of the land.
Ezekiel 34:2-4. Woe to the shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves! Should not the shepherds take care of the flock? You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you did not take care of the flock! You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally.
Ezekiel 34:10. 0 shepherds, hear the word of the Lord. This is what the sovereign Lord says: I am against the shepherds and will hold them accountable for my flock.
Ezekiel 34:17-18. As for you, my flock... Is it not enough for you to feed on good pasture? Must you also trample the rest of your pasture with your feet? Is it not enough for you to drink clear water? Must you also muddy the rest with your feet?
That's just a few. 
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Hobbit101
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Aug 18 @ 7:00PM
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i cannot think of single person more desrving of all gods gracies than you mam 
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lilofval
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Aug 18 @ 7:21PM
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As always ..... simply Awesome ..........
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one_dimple
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Aug 18 @ 7:58PM
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You know dear friend, those like us are not a dime a dozen in a pocket of change. Many think and feel the way we do, but don't know how to express.
Many people fear getting in touch with their emotions, with their soul/spirit. Fear it, because it is unknown territory to them.....many are born and die never knowing the capacity of their true self and the peace and contentment it could have afforded them throughout their lifetime. I am privileged to witness people in our small community doing God's work like it was intended to be done. Not preaching or asking for attendance and donations...but, giving to the community by helping those in need, building community self-esteem by being consistent in their giving and sharing. My employer is very wealthy...but will be the first to tell anyone who has lost all their material possessions, that things are not important...you don't take material wealth or possessions to heaven with you...what is important she will go on to explain....is, people. Anyone and everyone you 'touch' everyday is important..your family, friends, neighbors etc; They, my employer(s) give of themselves like there is no tomorrow........in reality, there may not be.
Your expressions are so heartfelt and so much mimic mine...I wish you love. Lots and lots of love.
The sad fact of the matter is, there are those who have been trying hard to get the people of the world to see how they/we are destroying it and slowly inching toward self destruction. The formula to reverse what is happening would take the rallying and commitment of the majority, unfortunately, the majority are now consumerism clones....born and bred into a material world in which they firmly believe is how the world should be. Mass media hype flashing 24/7 encourages consumerism/materialism....get this, buy that, go here..spend that.....asphalt jungles are cropping up in rural farming communities...forest are being destroyed somewhere, every minute to build more outlets for consumers to display their cloned greed for 'stuff'...most of which is not a necessity, but a learned desire to have...
And, what keeps this cycle going is the fact that possessions, having stuff and more stuff doesn't create long term happiness..it only leaves an empty void which pushes people to go out and get more for that temporary high. It is truly sad.
God has given us something truly precious and as is our human nature...greed and material desire/wealth, status, competition...are all slowly destroying our precious world. If we all lived the simply life, we all would be equally wealthy.
I too know many native Americans...I think the 'old tribes' have held the key to the world's condition for as long as they have existed.
You have the right formula my friend. But it isn't here in blogland on MD. It's out there.....and you know where that is. You are one of the luckiest and wealthiest people I know...and I don't mean in terms of money....
Seems someone referred to hope as a butterfly with wings.....that man's out there my friend....your man. I can sense it.....but he's OUT THERE....not here.
Your thoughts, feelings and expressions here are priceless....and often leave me speechless because they are so intense and real.
Raining here...and cool...you'll get yours soon.....Mother Nature is making her rounds. I'm off to make No Bakes for my Son and new daughter (in law)... 
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lastbuckaroo
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Aug 18 @ 8:14PM
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I must agree with choos, best blog I read today. I wish everyone could read it, but am still afraid few would completely understand it and connect with it. I did! Thank you for writing your journal.
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ragtopcookie
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Aug 18 @ 8:43PM
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i think the world needs dreamers......to give up hope would be to give up what keeps us going everyday....cookie
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redtigr
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Aug 18 @ 11:27PM
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I think this is perhaps my favorite blog of yours to date... That's a tough call because I am always inspired by your writings. But your sincerity and kindness and conservation awareness make you a person with whom I so readily identify. These things and your ability to dream and look to the future, while living right now, in the present, fully, make you a person that many wish to emulate.
Solace and inspiration from nature, comfort of words, and faith in humanity...these are gifts you have that you pass on so generously.
The reason you have not been spirited away by a special man can only be that so few can possibly measure up. You deserve only the best of the best because you are the best of us.
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Firewire_66
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Aug 18 @ 11:30PM
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Bravo - and we are finally getting rain here - and the coldness (dampness) that goes with it...it looks like rain now for the next few days and I am glad for it...the ground was so dry and the water levels were either at or below record lows...
I heard the first honks of south bound geese this morning and saw a small flock (about 300 or so) black birds....yikes is it that time already...
As with the others - major kudos on a well thought out and written look at like...
Smile - D
PS - I am at the point and place I should be...feels good to know that and better to accept it.
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RVerwolf
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Aug 19 @ 2:59AM
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I am speechlessly in awe, Luvs...as so many have stated before me here...this is a very excellent "peek" into a very beautiful soul...Thank You so very much for blogging it, wherein we may share...even if only viscerally through this "unreal means of intercourse" we use here...
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