Today was the first day that he had my girls. He took them at 10:00am and brought them back at 6:00. I cleaned house, danced to music and cried at times. When they pulled off I screamed like a wounded animal.four or five times. I am going to have big problems when he has them from friday until sunday. I have no friends here so I can't go out with them. I have done so much soal searching and I have discovered that even though I want the lousy bass back. Yes I am crazy.
I also don't him back the way he is. I didn't see him cheat but everyone says he is devient and cheating . I think he did cheat. I think he went to a orgy party or had a bi threesome. Not sure though and can't prove it. He says no of course. I think he has a secret email address. I wish I knew how to hack into them. I would get in there and look around and see just what he has been up to. My girls want him back, they are hurting so much. But if i let him back I will always wonder when he is going to leave again. I don't think he wants to come back home. I think he wants to live in his place me live in mine and see each other a lot . We were best friends so it comes natural to be that way. I would love to have him home for the friendship in a roomate way he has his room I have mine. The sex was lousy , quicker than al bundy, not loving, gentle and kind , and it was not normal in my world. I don't know what the future holds but I will for sure attack it head on. He told my oldest he loves me, but he couldn't stand the fighting so he had to leave.
I wish I had a roomate, so at least I would have company when the girls are gone.
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| a long day sorry for typo errors I can't find my glasses. |
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SunBabe
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Aug 19 @ 8:09PM
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 ~sigh~
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brunettee62
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Aug 19 @ 8:20PM
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Pets are good.
They greet you...and love you unconditionally!
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UnicornLover1962
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Aug 19 @ 8:24PM
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my friend, if i had a car, i'd be there in a heartbeat.......one day soon
hang in there hun.......it looks horrid now, but good lord willing, things will ease up and become better for you.
huggles
mel
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KUPUNA
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Aug 19 @ 9:05PM
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Do not feel sorry for yourself. You deserve better than this. You have already told us your answer. Read what you wrote again.
Go out and make friends. Write down what you enjoy doing and join a club doing those things. Everyone likes something. You don't have your kids or your hubby to focus on during those times of visitations. There is no excuse now.
When I went through this process, it took awhile. I found poetry writing and horticulture.
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kallie_ko
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Aug 19 @ 10:51PM
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Anything you are conditioned to do is going to seem natural.
He is just something you are used to having around... you can do so much better, you desirve that, your girls desirve that.... I agree with Kupuna, reread what you wrote.
When the kids are gone, go to the library, walk the mall and get some fresh air, walk up n down your road... anything to keep from sitting and wallowing.
It is hard to break out of those old habits and routines, but it can be done, there are plenty of us here that are success stories so hang in there. It takes time, patience and you not back sliding and going back to the dysfunction. Stop enabling him by allowing all this mess to continue. You can't have a healthy anything if you are always wondering and not trusting... you need your own space to work on you. Get a lil dog, he will keep you occupied and love you unconditionally at all hours of the day and night! 
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