here's the rest of the "what it really means" string
"I don't need to read the instructions."
Really means... "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."
"I'll fix the garbage disposal later."
Really means... "If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and buy a new one."
"I'll take you to a fancy restaurant."
Really means... "Someplace that doesn't have a drive-thru window."
"I broke up with her."
Really means... "She dumped me."
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the love dress
The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's house.
She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house to see her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door. "What are you doing?" the mother-in-law asked.
"I am waiting for my husband to come home from work." The daughter-in-law replied.
"Why are you naked?" asked the mother-in-law.
"This is my love dress" the daughter-in-law replied.
"LOVE DRESS! You are naked." said the mother-in-law.
"But my husband loves it when I wear this dress. It makes him happy and he makes me happy." said the daughter-in-law.
"I would appreciate your leaving now because my husband will be home any minute." The daughter-in-law continued.
Soured by all of this romantic stuff, the mother-in-law left. On the way home she thought about the "LOVE DRESS" and got an idea. She undressed, showered, applied her best perfume and waited by the door for her husband to come home. Finally the pickup truck drove up the drive way and she took her place by the door. The father-in-law opened the door and immediately saw his wife naked by the door.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress" the mother-in-law replied.
"Maybe you should iron it."
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coffee
A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and he was so proud. Anxiously, he waited to hear the verdict. The grandmother in all her life had never had such a bad cup of coffee. As she forced down the last sip, his grandmother noticed three of those little green army men were in the bottom of the cup.
She asked, "Honey, why would three of your little army men be in the bottom of my cup?"
Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV. 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'"
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| yesterday's jokes were cut off + the love dress + coffee |
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