He came over with papers for me to sign last night. It was just papers saying I agree to his terms and that it is a no fault divorce. It cut like a knife.
I started my new job this morning. It is very hard to explain. but I am braiding metal coated in plastic for the oil well company. My hands are so red and sore. My back hurts, even my hiney hurts and I didn't sit down that much. I don't think I am very good at it. I am hating my life right now.
I realized when he was here just how he treated me. It wasn't nice one bit. He barks orders at me like I am a child and raises his voice if I even think about trying to talk back. I know he is a jerk.
It bothers me though that after suffering and sticking by him through thick and thin that he would leave me like this. He is going to go have a great life. He has a white collar job that he wouldn't have had if I had not convinced him to apply at aol all those years ago. He will have his white collar woman and his white collar pay check. I am going to work on a job I don't like then come home to no husband. This is not fair. I want my life back dang it. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to go through life with all the sucky things it brings alone. Yet every time a man smiles at me now I think yeah right you would just leave to if things were not right.
He has fixed it so the next man will have a hard time convincing me to try again.
I am feeling for him what he is feeling for me now. I feel pure contempt for him .
His I am on top of the world looking down at the little people and you are one of them attitude makes me want to puke. I have eight years to deal with this man knowing how he did things. I am going to take a nap. It has been a long day.
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read more blogs!
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vettman454
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Aug 24 @ 7:29PM
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Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time.It's never easy and sometimes its some what frightful starting a new journey in life at any age. I have been there and started all over from scratch. I found that if you stay around negative people with negative thoughts you will do the same. Try to cheer up some, thing of this as a new and a welcome experiance and try diferent things that you want to do.
Good luck and best wishes to you!
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Mmmmmmmmm
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Aug 24 @ 7:57PM
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I know you're depressed right now and it all seems very dark and you see no way out. Sleep as much as you can, do as little as possible, so you don't put energy you don't have into unnecessary things.
In a few weeks or even months you're going to get up one day and decide you want things to change.
The first thing to remember is not to give him anymore of yourself and your life than you already gave him. He is gone. He is in the past. Don't hold on to memories that by your own admission weren't that hot.
The other thing to remember is that other men are not him. Just because he did something does not mean another man will do the same. So, expect the best man possible to come into your life.
Whatever energy you put out there will come back to you, but you have to start moving in a better direction. If you only do blue collar work, then that is all you'll ever do. You have to set your sites in a different direction.
And don't tell me it's impossible because there are plenty of people who've been in worse situations that did it. If you can't talk to inspiring people, then rent an inspiring movie. Try THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS or something. Real people can make something from nothing.
Happiness is in your head. Love is in your head. A good job is in your head. You have to decide you want it, then make it happen. Take a step at a time, so you won't be overwhelmed.
I can tell you from my own experience: IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD. If you change your thinking, you will change the world, YOUR world.
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pixuart
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Aug 24 @ 7:57PM
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I have written a private response to this blog message and emailed it just now. However I think it's also important that the entire community of honest and sincere persons on this MD service respond to this kind of blog message because so many of us are going thru things like this.
I don't have children or the divorce, but I do have enough betrayals and disappointments to understand Chatty's situation and feelings.
It's very important that the REAL humanists step forward in these times and let others know that we are still here, and we are real.
It's not what happens to us that determines the final result, it's what we do with it.
In numbers there is strength......and I hope a lot of others will let Chatty know that she is not alone, and won't be in this situation for the rest of her life.
We in the disaster area of what once was "New Orleans" are dealing with this every day of our lives......and I wish this Lady the same success we are all searching for. The honesty shown in Chatty's blog entry is to be commended and supported. I wish her well.
Armand
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UnicornLover1962
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Aug 24 @ 8:39PM
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i hope you didn't sign the papers. you have rights and by agreeing to his terms you're doing exactly what he wants. don't let him win hun. talk to a lawyer, call legal aid. but think of yourself this time and your kids...not him
love you and wish i could be of more help
huggles
mel
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ladykay488
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Aug 24 @ 8:43PM
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Been There!
We are here for you!
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suthunsweet
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Aug 24 @ 8:53PM
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Alot of us have been where you are right now. It doesn't seem like it now, but you will survive and one day you will wake up and not have to remind yourself to smile. In the meantime, your fellow survivors on here will be there when you need to vent. 
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