The Mouse From Hell posted 8/29/2007 1:26:55 PM | 5 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: humor

Wolf36

It was last Friday morning when a most harrowing ordeal began. I had just finished chatting with one of my internet friends and decided it was time for my morning trip to the bathroom so with newspaper under arm, off I went.

With my head held high and my pants down low, I began to mount my porcelain throne. It was just as I was on my downward decent, that I noticed a brown creature tracking right between my legs. My god it's a mouse!!! I panicked and my buns jerked violently as they contacted the seat. I heard a snap behind me and then sheer terror set in as the seat flew one direction and I the other. One of the pins holding the seat in place had broken and sent me sailing.

As I pulled myself from the bathtub that was my temporary resting spot, I noticed the little brown streak heading through my bedroom. I shucked my way after him for a few moments but realized I wasn't going to gain any ground on him, because my pants were still down around my ankles. This is the part that's hard to believe and I really don't expect anyone too; before he entered the sanctuary of the utility room, he actually stopped, turned around, raised on his little hind feet, and put his little paws at his side. I know he was simply surveying the situation but it looked as if he had his hands on his side, laughing at me.

All I could do was rant outloud!!! "You're as good as dead. Do you hear that? I won't rest until I see you swirling in the toilet, you just caused me to fall off of."

Immediately, I was off to the local grocery store to buy a mousetrap. There was a cute young girl working the aisle with all the pesticides. I asked if they had any mouse traps and she replied, "we sure do sir." She then presented me with a plastic box, with a little swingy door on it. I said, "what the hell is this?" She replied, "this is the new way of disposing of mice, they go in but can get out, all you have to do is take them outside and drop them." I told her to look further sweetheart, so she then hands me this little sticky pad like thing. I said, "don't tell me this is also something new isn't?"

"You don't understand honey, I want a MAN'S mousetrap. I want one that has a spring and a little place to put peanut butter or cheese. When he tries to nibble the food off the trap a bar slams down upon him and squashes his ass. I want him DEAD DEAD DEAD" She just shrugged her little shoulders and said, "sorry sir we don't carry them."

I went to 3 different stores before I could find what I was looking for and even then, I couldn't buy just one, I had to buy an entire bag of them. On the other hand, I was happy and had a diabolical smile on my face as set 3 of my death traps out, before I retired for the evening.

Sunday I awoke refreshed and I decided to check my traps. My heart almost sank and depression set in. This mouse, this mouse from hell, had eaten all the peanut butter off the traps and hadn't set them off. HOW? I realized at this moment, that I wasn't dealing with any normal mouse. No, this one was quite special.

I run a candy and snack vending business and in case you're wondering, yes I took this into consideration and moved all my inventory onto a metal shelf off the floor. Sadly, I didn't realize until Last Sunday, that mice can actually jump and 12 inches is no problem for them to overcome. Not only did he escape my death traps but he also managed to sample 8 packages of my cheese crackers. That's right, the little bastard couldn't have just ate one package, no he had to sample all of them.

After spending the next 2 hours sorting every package of snacks I had and checking them for nibble holes I began really fuming. "It was either him or me." He had tried to bump me off at the toilet and now he's attacking me where it really hurts, in the wallet.

This cat and mouse game went on for two days. I would bait my traps and he would spend the nightime hours dining on a course of peanut butter and cheese. I was totally at a loss at what I needed to do. Also, it was troubling that I couldn't outsmart a 3oz mouse.

It was late last night when the idea finally came to me. I would set all the traps together and make it impossible for him to tip toe through the minefield without settting one of them off. With a devious grin and diabolical giggle I began assembling my gaunlet of death.

You know when you've done something very good and it's a can't miss! This is how I went to bed last night and I didn't have to wait long for my reward. Early this morning, I was wakened by a volley of snaps and pops. A smile sprung across my face as I quickly flung the covers off myself and headed for the kitchen.

The site I saw was very satisfying to me personally. One of the traps had his tail, one came down on his hind quarters and one right over his head. He was in fact very dead. Kind of sad though really, we had matched wits for 3 days and I had actually developed a respect for the little critter.
Wolf

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Blogs by Wolf36: My "Born on Date" Has Expired My New Life as a Canine is Ruffff My First Dirty Diaper Change:-) Women and Football My Conspiracy Theory:) Image and First Impressions The Mouse From Hell Old School Memories and Emotions Little Terrorist at the China Buffet Out of Toilet Paper & Wolf's Luck Guys: Please Think Before You Write The Wolf’s Straight Bark on Internet Dating Hole "E" Underwear and Lessons Learned The Day I Stopped Being Cool