I slowly finished covering my grave with dirt. I hope that I rest in peace. I started to take another drink of Jack Daniels but remembered that I'm dead was not in a mood to drink. Too bad I could not stop while I was alive.
I walk between the tombstones thinking about all the other dead people. Where are they? I'm still having a hard time dealing with this death thing. Whatever happened to heaven and hell? Angels and demons? I thought I was suppose to get judged and review my life and all that stuff. My expectations of life after death were way off! I feel like such a jerk.
I made my way to the edge of the graveyard and I leaned on the large black entrance gate. My eyes looked down the long winding dirt road. I'm debating on what to do. Should I just walk or stay here? What's a dead man to do? Never been dead before. I knew some people that died ..... not much help.
As I look over the horizon I see a cloud of dust and hear a car engine. I see a black corvette hauling ass toward the graveyard. The engine seems to growl as it gets closer and a cloud of dust follows. Then as fast as the car appears it stops right in front of me. The windows are tinted black so I cannot see inside.
The electric windows come down and I see that it's the lady in the red dress. She looks at me and shakes her head.
"Shit, ..... are you still here? Your about the stupidist dead person I've ever seen! So you gonna hang around here for eternity?" She then spits chewing gum out the window.
I walk up to the car and lean toward the window. "What the hell am I suppose to do? I don't have alot of experience in being dead!
She leans over and opens the passenger door. " Get in! I'm off duty now anyway. Your a pitiful dead person! You need to get a life! Sorry, .... that came out wrong."
I walk around the car and get in. I pull the door shut behind me. "Thanks, ... I really did not want to spend the night in the graveyard. What should I call you?"
"Hon, ... you call me whatever you like. My name was Nadene before I dropped dead." She puts the car in gear and checks her lipstick in the mirror.
I lean back in the seat and start to put on the seat belt but then stop. I figure whats the point? I can't get killed in a car accident. Nadene leans foward and turns up the radio. Stevie Ray is singing "the sky is crying'" on the radio.
"That boy could play the hell out of a guitar" Nadene says as she puts a stick of gum in her mouth. " I met him once at a benefit for homeless dead people."
"What did you say?" with a confused look on my face.
"I know your dead, .... but are you hard of hearing too?" Shaking her head in doubt.
We drive thru the hills on the curvy dirt road. After the Stevie Ray song we listened to Elvis, John Lennon, and James Brown. Then it occured to me that all the musicians we are listening to are dead.
I cleared my throat " Do they play music by live muscians on this station?"
Nadene turns down the radio. " This is the dead radio station. Matter of fact it's the only radio station we have." She turns the radio back up when Hank Williams Sr. sings your cheating heart.
Thirty or forty minutes go by and we pull in the parking lot of a honky tonk bar. Nadene stops the car and looks at the trucks and cars scattered about the dirt parking lot.
"This is where you get out dead boy. Maybe you can find a dead girl in there to hook up with and show you the ropes". She motions with her hand for me to get out of the car. "It's been nice.... now go on and get out".
I get out of the car and close the door. Nadene floors it and heads back down the dirt road with a cloud of dust following her. I stretch my arms and slowly walk toward the entrance of the bar not knowing what to expect.
I push open the big double wooden doors and smell cigarette smoke and stale beer. I hear the sound of glasses being picked up off the bar and a chuke box blaring in the background. The place is dark and I squint my eyes to look around the room. I find my way to the bar and sit down.
A blond bartender with big boobs wearing a tank tob and pigtails ask me what I want to drink. I order a beer and eat a peanut from the bowl on the bar. A guy with shoulder length blond hair sits down on the bar stool next to me. He has muttonchop type beard. (a beard but the chin is shaven). He is wearing a t-shirt with a mushroom on it. I know I've seen him somewhere before.
He smiles and nods his head in a friendly gesture. I turn toward him and tell him that he looks familiar. He smiles and puts his hands up in the air "whatever happened I did'nt do it! He puts his hands down and takes a drink of beer.
The bartender puts a beer in front of me on the bar. " That's Duane. He's a real cut up huh?" She takes a white towel and wipes the bar. Duane puts his hand out for a hand shake. I reach over and shake his hand. "Pleased to meet you Duane!".
"You gotta last name Duane?" Sipping my beer.
"Allman" He reaches over and grabs a handful of peanuts. "Nice meeting you dude!" He takes his beer and walks over to a booth and sits down with a lady. They laugh and he lights up a cigarette.
I turn back around stunned. The bartender leans over and smiles "whats wrong with you? You look like you just saw a ghost or something!" She then walks toward the end of the bar and takes an order from someone.
I finish my beer and take out my billfold. "how much??" The bartender looks at me with a confused look on her face.
She leans over the bar " you new here hon?"
"I just got here today" Offering her a five dollar bill.
She whispers " We don't do the money thing here. Put your money back before someone sees you."
I put my money back in my wallet and smile at the bartender. I get up and walk out of the bar. Night has fallen as I stand outside the entrance. I hear crickets and a hoot owl off in the distant night. There's a slight breeze in the air and for the moment it was great to be alive. Opps ..... I forgot again. I guess it's good to be dead.
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