Already a member? Click here to sign in!

Random Redneck Thoughts.

posted 9/6/2007 8:32:10 AM |

2 kudos

what's this?

report abuse

bluesouth

Why do people hold family reunions at Wal-mart? Sometimes there is a whole family there and no one can get around them. I'm talking the whole family! Grandma, grandpa, uncle Bob, junior, aunt Tess, cousin Roy, etc. etc. They clog up the pathway and they are talking about the time a wasp stung junior on the ass when he was in the out house. They are having a good ole time! I guess Wal-mart is cheaper than renting a hall or conference room at Holiday Inn.

Why do people buy expensive sports cars and drive slow on the enterstate highway? They will be in the left hand lane where no one can get around them. Just creeping along! Hell, .... grandma is slow but she is old!! I know that BMW can go faster than that!!

Why do people go to funerals and look at the deseased and say "he looks good."
Hell, .... he's dead!!! Would you want someone walking up to you and saying "you look dead today!". When they are talking around the open casket why do they whisper? The person laying in the coffin ain't gonna hear you! Damnest thing I've ever seen!!

Why do people wait to decide on what lottery ticket to buy when they get up to the counter at the fast food store? They will have a line of people a mile long behind them and they are trying to decide on what number to pick!! They will change their mind five or six times! Then when they finally decide and they will dig thru their wallet or purse trying to find money to pay for it!! I gotta piss .... let's get a move on!!!

There should be a law that says everyone should keep air refresher in the bathroom!! Fabreeze don't cost that much folks. Cost less than a 12 pack of beer! I'm serious ..... you know when you go to someones house and your stomach gets to rumbling and you have to squeeze your butt cheeks together to keep from having an accident? Weve all been there. Don't sit there behind the computer and deny it. Anyway, ... you go in the bathroom and it's all nice and pretty in there. They got the nice frilly curtains and the angel figurines sitting sitting on the shelf beside the sink. The towels hanging up are all perfect .... never used. You sit there on the toilet and ..... you know the story. It stinks enough to make a buzzard gag!. You do the paperwork and flush. You can hear people talking outside the door and wonder if someones waiting use the bathroom. Now thats real mental pressure there!! They ought to put astronauts thru that to prepare them for high mental pressure training!! What I'm trying to say folks is .... the whole thing could be avoided if there was a bottle of air refresher sitting there. It would make life alot simpler and you could walk out of the bathroom with your pride.

Until next time.

Oh, .... I forgot to ask ya. Is that Indian dude still working down there at the 7-11?

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

read more blogs!

Comments:

post a comment!

Kandykammy	Sep 6 @ 9:07AM
	I always keep a can of air freshner in my guest bathroom. I know how I hate to have to use someone else's bathroom and there is no air freshner. I keep perfume in my master bedroom bathroom. I like to keep it smelling like prefume. Well Walmart is the cheapest place to meet up. Visit and shop at the same time. That saves time and money. People can call their relatives and say come on over to Walmart and lets visit. I wonder, too, why stupid people get in the left lane and will not move over. When I get a change I whip in front of them and put on the breaks. Maybe it will scare the hell of them anyway. If they rear end me then they pay for the accident. The trick it to make sure when cutting in front of them is to be sure you clear their right side bumper.

LipGlossQueen9	Sep 6 @ 9:13AM
	Would you want someone walking up to you and saying "you look dead today!". Yeah, when I was fourteen, I really wanted people to say that to me. I'm not being sarcastic, LOL.

bluesouth	Sep 6 @ 10:28AM
	Kandykammy just steals my heart! She's a class act ain't she?? One day we are gonna meet up and go make fun of Ramone the indian guy at the 7-11 store.

Kat_luvr	Sep 6 @ 11:48AM
	Hate wally world aint been in 3 months! Would you want someone walking up to you and saying "you look dead today!" Why do people wait to decide on what lottery ticket to buy when they get up to the counter at the fast food store? There should be a law that says everyone should keep air refresher in the bathroom!! My sister and her beautiful home, with only one bathroom and no damn air freshner! Thanks for the Giggles!

wordsenchanting	Sep 6 @ 10:56PM
	I think all these questions are fairly easy if you take the time to think them out. I have more important things to do so I may as well waste my time and take a shot at it. Wal-Mart is the perfect place to hold family gatherings. First of all, at a restaurant all you can do is eat. At Wal-Mart you can eat, shop and watch TV. As a special bonus you can listen to any song on their "preview the CD thingamabob" They have a cake department, and you won't get your pick up stuck in Uncle Bob's driveway. Worse yet is all the chicken and goat droppings on Aunt Tess' front porch. At Wal-Mart, you can look at a bunch of crap without gettin any on your shoes. The biggest reason is that at one of the relative's house if you fall down and break your elbow you can't sue anybody. Wal-Mart will try to settle out of court. Cousin Roy would jest blow your derned head off with his 12 guage. People buy expensive sports cars as a symbol of power. How better to express that power than by hogging up the road? If they had a cheap car, some redneck might come along and slam em into the guard rail but that BMW is tooling along just shouting "Hit me and you can buy me a new one" I always figured that folks who went to funerals and said "He looks good" were just chummin' up for a good reference wherever they think the deceased one went. But then again that may be the only time the poor guy ever had a suit on or had his hair combed. Folks whisper at funerals because whispering is considered sexy. Its kinda like a bad joke on the one in the casket. All his life nobody tried to be sexy just for him and now that he is dead and can't do anything about it they are trying to get him excited. But then again maybe not. The next one is so simple!!! Did you see a sign outside that said "Fast Lottery Ticket Store"? Nope it only said "fast food", not" fast gas", not "fast restrooms", not "fast cashier"... need I say more? Most people do put air freshener in their bathrooms. It might actually be a law in most states, but I am unsure of that. What I do know is that most house guests steal air freshener. It is perhaps the single most stolen item in America. I am surprised you did not know that. Of course because of that most people hide their air freshener when guests come over. With this in mind. it is actually a statement of honesty and high character to stink up someone else's bathroom. By doing so you are proving that you have not rummaged through all the private stuff in their bathroom looking for air freshener. If this is somehow not socially acceptable to you, do what I do. Try chewing 18 sticks of breath mint gum and just before you leave the bathroom, swallow the gum, then belch. It works every time!

misschoos	Sep 10 @ 11:12AM


bluesouth	Sep 10 @ 11:13AM
	wordsenchanting .... You have made some excellent points!

post a comment!

| | | | | | | | |