I should be asleep but here I sit counting my scars. Like the Beatles' song: A Day In The Life, And though the (scars) were rather small, They had to count them all. It's partly the fault of a blogger who posted something about first impressions. That got me thinking about images in general and the "ideal/s" that some of us have in mind.
A couple of years ago I met a "gentleman" of the south who loved to tell anyone who would listen just what is wrong with women. One of things he harped about was that women don't pay enough attention to preserving themselves. At first I thought he was talking about anti-aging potions and facelifts and such - and he did think these important - but not the crux of the matter. He said women should take all manner of precautions to insure they did not get scars. This included avoiding mosquito bites, any activity which might result in a scratch or cut (berry picking? playing with a kitten (Elvis, for sure!)) doing yard work or any task that might be construed as masculine/risky.
It was his assertion that blemishes, cuts, insect bites and any resulting scars were unfeminine and repulsive to men. What prompted this tirade, was a joking conversation between myself and another woman describing - and displaying, (when not too "personal") the various scars we had, and how we had received them. It was sort of a one-upsmanship/competition to see who had the best ones, had been the most daring tomboy, or the most unlucky with stitches (remember the scene in Mash about whether someone is an enlisted man?... big stiches). I can remember comparing scars quite often with other women, and sometimes with men. It was all in fun and if it repulsed the men, they never said anything.
The irony here, is that the gentleman in question was not only horribly scarred from adolescent acne, he was deeply, deeply scarred within. Unlike scars upon our skin, the scars upon our psyches are often not only unavoidable, but invisible.
Almost everyone has a few scars on the surface, but what about the scars on our hearts and minds? No matter what the image we post here; no matter how beautiful the smile, how close or far from the camera or whether we show our pets or favorite things - our true selves, scars and all, remain to be revealed: through our actions, our words, our meetings and encounters. Many will cover up or make light of the experiences that have left marks, fearing to resurrect the pain of the past or frighten off a potential mate. And some bear scars so deep that the damage is obvious, no matter how much they protest or claim to have "no baggage."
It's a fine line to walk: how much do you bare initially? Too much, too soon can be overwhelming; not telling important facts soon enough might appear deceitful. Denial or covering up is anathema. It's like posting a photo that's ten years old and pretending it's current.
Let's consider the images we post, but let's not forget that an honest photograph is the best representation of who we are now, just like an honest profile is the best indication that we'll not be considered dishonest later on.
We are who we are now because of the life we've lived. Scars are part of that life. Lets' try to see ourselves as we are and to view others with discretion. Let's not trust only in pretty pictures - they're not always worth a thousand words.
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| Scarred (no, not scared - just... not perfect) |
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samurai27
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Sep 7 @ 1:16AM
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 Excellent blog.
I have little scars and imperfections on the outside from anything such as extreme sports and adventure to attempting home improvement. Sometimes I wonder if I should have lived a duller, more boring, less courageous lifestyle to have helped maintain a flawless body. But then I think nahhh...You can't stay perfect forever and outside beauty will fade to a degree.
Inside scarrings harder to deal with. Boy I have plenty of that but I try to brush it under the carpet of humour.
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mystery2u888
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Sep 7 @ 2:07AM
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I agree with my gf above   this is an excellent blog.........I loved it.........nobody is perfect and I will be first to admit it..  ......if life was easy we would not be here......and have daily struggles..  ....we all have had our day and time......outside an inside of imperfections....but.......as long as you are happy....that is all that matters......whether someone doesn't like you for you.....that is not our problems it's theres.........great blog .....    
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Zoe_75
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Sep 7 @ 2:19AM
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What a fantastic blog... I agree with you. I am a veterinary nurse and I have lots of scars from handling cats, these cover my hands and some of my arm- what would that man make on me. Afterall this is from a caring occupation..... 
Scars deep within- well i guess most of us have them- previous relationship especially if you have suffered from domestic violence and so forth......
Kudo to you 
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American_Woman
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Sep 7 @ 2:36AM
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Scars just mean that you have done something with your life. I have many, all from my accomplishments, which I am proud to wear. I have them on the inside too, meaning I have experienced hurt there too. All my scars have been learning experiences which, I believe, have made me a better person. Take me as I am or hit the road. Good blog
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frankbarks
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Sep 7 @ 3:38AM
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Is there really a woman that's worthwhile that hasn't a scar or 2, or more? I cant count them on my favorite girl, lol. That 'man of the south' needs to burrow back under his rock and shut-up.
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misschoos
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Sep 7 @ 5:38AM
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kudos
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Martin666
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Sep 7 @ 5:41AM
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And yet, are we left with the immortal words of Shane Falco (Keannue reeves) in that Academy Award winning blockbuster movie, The Replacements: "Bones Heal. Chicks dig scars. Glory lasts forever."
Send the country gentleman on his way with a Barbie Doll and a gift certificate for psychiatric counseling---but don't a number of woman find the whole man-scar thing a bit attractive?
Or does that just feed into a stereotype?
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one_dimple
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Sep 7 @ 5:51AM
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A wonderful blog!! Scars are proof we are human, both internal and external. If one doesn't have 'scars', how much has one really lived?
I've exposed too much of myself time and again....often having regrets for doing so, but, on the other hand, I feel it's better to get the real stuff exposed and out of the way....excepted or not. It opens the door for more to come....or not. Knowing when to do so, is a good question. 
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jentoblues101
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Sep 7 @ 6:10AM
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I hide my wounds, but bare my scars proudly....
Nice blog, Patrice.
Jennifer
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blueyedblnde1958
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Sep 7 @ 6:59AM
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Love your blog....No one is perfect and everyone has scars whether they are on the outside or inside. I believe if you do have scars it tells what your character is. If you dont have scars you are a very boring lifeless person. Kudos to you girl....really loved the blog...
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lacyvsq
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Sep 7 @ 7:10AM
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Ah, the scars mean that healing has taken place. How much worse to remain walking wounded... It sounds as though your scarred friend might be one of those.
Nice blog!
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eastham
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Sep 7 @ 7:50AM
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Great blog. I have a couple of surgical scars, couple more and I'm official a medical school cadaver.
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unionman154
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Sep 7 @ 8:28AM
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If you don't have scars you haven't yet lived. I have scars, broken bones. torn ligaments, etc. I do have all my fingers and toes though.  Not to find someone attractive because they have scars is sooooooo shallow.
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jerzygrl328
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Sep 7 @ 9:57AM
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Awesome blog, gf....I agree with everyone, our scars, internal and external, make us the person we are today. I'm proud of everyone...!
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wandaful123
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Sep 7 @ 11:49AM
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The healing is oft times in the revealing... the freedom of allowing another the possibility of loving your all.
Loved this blog, thanks!
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Tunes4u
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Sep 7 @ 12:27PM
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I am a little scared of my scars.
Sometimes I think they move....change a little.....show up unexpectedly in a different location.
But then I remember they are just a remnant. They aren't the wound. The wound is gone. It was the one that was scary.....The scar is just a reminder that I passed that lesson.
Hopefully.
Or at least I was in that class......
Wonderful post Patrice...... love it.
****
Tunes
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pumpelly
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Sep 7 @ 6:09PM
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A beautifully written and timely blog Patrice, you're my hero!
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