revelations posted 9/9/2007 2:29:06 PM | 1 kudo what's this?     report abuse

chatty

The girls and I went to church wednesday. There is a church I pass by all the time the sign out front says you are loved and it always made me feel so much better. The girls went to the childrens class and I sat down in the adult class. The lesson was about being arrogant.
As he talked I suddenly realized that the lesson was talking to me.
I almost started to cry. I then knew my hubby had changed. That sweet loving man I married had become a very different man and I in my pain and the absense of a loving daily relationship with God, had changed to and I stopped being that humble sweet woman that loved the world and everything and everyone in it. I read my bible for hours that night and the same thing kept standing out. arrogance. I called a friend and said am I arrogant? she said no your not and why do you think that? I told her that sometimes if you live with an arrogant person you yourself become that way. I called my sister and asked her the same question, her reply was if you have to ask that question then you need to start working to be more humble. I then asked them both if they thought my husband was arrogant and they both said yes very quick.
I don't know what the future holds for me. I have decided to give it to God.
All of it. I am so tired of the pain and worry and trying to think of ways to make things like I thought they should be. I want to be the wife of a man that loves me second to the Lord and I just didn't have that. Maybe he can be that man for her. The words I give up doesn't mean defeat for me it just means someone else can take the reins. I can't fix this. I can't go back and undo the things of the past. I can only work on myself and make sure that in the future I am on the right path. I hurt so much. I know that there is a reason this happened and it is easy to blame myself for all of it or to blame him.
I however do wish that this had not happened and that we had been one of the couples to beat the odds.
Now If I can remember not to pick up that trouble filled suitcase in the morning I might get through this.

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Blogs by chatty: Wishes for a better 2008 update and venting II update and venting It's saturday and I am home alone. ekkkkk I'm feeling bumbed , lonely and silly so beware. in the quiet of the night I can't help but think and wonder Sad and Glad pondering something time goes on beds get made time to blog it was bitter sweet saturday. Once a jerk always a jerk revelations Go figure When you thought you were at the end of your rope you remember how to climb. sorry but I need to vent. Another day in my life. blogging is good for a broken heart. Mid life crisis or just a cheating jerk. the saga continues single life sucks a long day sorry for typo errors I can't find my glasses. I messed up I need advice. It take all kinds to make up a family.