Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a
question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a
trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney
called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly
woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you
know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams.
I've known you since you were a young boy, and
frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.
You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate
people and talk about them behind their backs. You
think you're a big shot when you haven't the
brains to realize you never will amount to anything
more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do,
he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do
you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr.
Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy,
bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build
a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice
is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to
mention he cheated on his wife with three
different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I
know him."
The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked
both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very
quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her
if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."
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