So many things have happened in my life since he left.
I have friends on my job that I love and that love me. The women there are so cool and they cheer me on. One lady is like a mother to me and one like a sister danna is so cool with her pink hair and her sweet cool ways. when I look at her before pic I have hope. She used to weight 185 pounds. She looks damn good now. I have lost weight and I intend to keep going until I can wear danna's size 11's.
My girls and I now have a church family and they are some awesome people. I will blog about how I was in the right place at the right time soon.
I love my new mom at the church, she adopted me. She is so sweet. I always get a I love you and a hug and a kiss on the cheek before I go home.
I am also ready to move on. As soon as I go to court I will begin to date on my weekends without my girls. I realize now how you can fall out of love with someone. I still love the man I married years ago but the man that left me I do not love one bit. I don't even like the man he is changing into. I don't even miss him anymore. Out of site out of mind now. Unless of course I am blogging about him.
He has done so many bad things to me and my girls. Some of them i won't talk about at this time as I haven't been to court yet and who knows when he might log in and read this.
He is so smug right now. He is losing his daughters because of his actions. They don't want to go with him for their every other weekend visit. Of course they have to go until they are 18 or until he allows them not to go. Sigh, I hate that rule.
The girls can't wait to get back home and not have to deal with him until next time. The day before he picks them up they cry and act out because they don't want to go. I always say to them i know you love daddy and you need to be with him. Don't think you need to act like you don't want to go so i will feel like you want to stay with me. I know you are happy to go with your daddy and it is good for you to feel like that. They both say to me. no we don't want to go. We are not just saying that! They both sound so serious and me, me does her head back and forth in what i call the chicken head when she says it. Sar, sar says they can just talk on the phone a lot and that way she can stay home with me and talk to him to.
He has one grown daughter he will never see because of his past mistakes and because of how she felt about his actions when she tried to come back into his life. He may have two more daughters he will not see again in a few years. His choice , his bed and he gets to stay in it. Sar sar already says that when she is 18 she won't be visiting him. Melissa says she will see him but not at his house, he will have to come to her house.
The future is so uncertian right now for me but in my heart I know that I am a strong and capable lady. I am returning to the woman I was before he met me only better. One day I will remarry and I will have a man that will love me the way he never could.
People say you must love yourself before you can love others.
I say you must not love yourself so much that you have no room to love others.
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Texxwilson1
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Oct 4 @ 11:06PM
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Its sad that you have to go through so much in life like this. It is good that you have found a church family and a mom to adopt you. No woman should go through life unsupported, as long as someone needs to cared for, someone should care for them, and its good you have found that.
I do hope all goes good and gets better for you and your girls. Some guys are just bad.
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justme836
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Oct 4 @ 11:24PM
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Divorce is always sad and you never undertsand the true pain until it happens to you. My X got by pretty easy because I was still in love and didn't want to hurt the Father of my children. 5 years later I totally regret playing nice with a jerk that had affairs and now has everything except his children and their admiration. I did got the better end with keeping the kids with me but they need so much more then he will ever provide.
FIGHT for what your kids deserve and will now be missing.
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georgiapeach42
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Oct 4 @ 11:31PM
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I completely understand what you are going through. My ex is in prison because of what he did. And his daughter's will not call him by name only refer to him a the sperm donor. They are older and don't ever have to see him again. But the heart can break only so many times before the love pours out completely. I don't regret my marriage because then I will have to regret my kids. and they are the light of my life.
I wish you many of God's blessings as you journey back to recovery.
Shirley
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dissunflower
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Oct 4 @ 11:39PM
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I have been where you are right now. I feel your pain,and for me it was 7 yrs ago.The scars heal,but the memories stay.You go on and life gets better.It makes you stronger,unless you let it kill you. And you have choosen to live and be an overcomer. God bless and good luck with everything.Diana
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ragtopcookie
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Oct 5 @ 4:48AM
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you are such a beatiful person....and a great mother.....from one single parent to another.....hang in there...it can be done.......with one raised and another up and comming.......they will see the truth one day ......mine did........god bless you......michael
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