(This is a partial posting of Chapter Three from The Sacred Beggar Boy. It's all that is currently written and is the first draft. Therefore, when the book is finally written all the way and slapped .. err.. combined together, it may have much that is new or that is old but changed)
Chapter Three: The Salad Caper
“Well,” said the first salad chef to the second. “How are we going to find the child?”
“We could, “ replied the second salad chef, “go to the address he gave us in the letter and ask for the woman Rose, whom he mentioned in the letter, and assume that any child that comes out of her soon or has already come out but fairly recently, so long as it has a penis, is, in fact, the correct child.”
“Yes, “ said the first salad chef. “So long as it has a penis.”
“Unless he’s lying, outright.”, interjected the third salad chef.
“Eh?” inquired Brutus.
“I say,” said all three salad chefs. “What are you doing following us?”
Brutus, the palace guard, shrugged his mighty shoulders. “It beats whatever he’s likely to do to me for letting you lot in to see him.”
“That only delays your punishment. It doesn’t cancel, it!” the salad chefs announced, speaking by rote.
“Oh but this time will be different.”
“Everytime is different with some gods.”, said the second salad chef. “But it still doesn’t cancel the punishment.”
“I’m going to tell him you kidnapped me.”
This announcement so stunned the third salad chef as to stop him in his tracks.
“How will that help?”, he finally found the words to inquire.
“I’m going to tell him that you kidnapped me so I held you hostage and forced you to steal the baby from it’s mother and raise it in a monastery.”
“That makes absolutely no sense.”
“ That’s the point. He’ll love it!”
“Oh! Right! I see your point, then. Well, and shall we?”
“Eh?”
“Shall we steal the baby and raise it in a monastery?”
“No! Who wants to raise a baby? Let the mother keep her job, I say!”
“Then .. won’t he notice that we did not, in fact, steal the baby or raise it in a monastery?”
“When did you ever know him to visit a monastery to see what’s inside of it?”
“On approximately the 14th day of Never!”
“Righto. So I can say the baby is in the monastery and you are teaching it salad stuff and he won’t know the difference. In the meantime, the mother can teach it all the mind-numbing spelling and walking bits. Then later on, we’ll take the boy and teach him how to sword fight and make shish kabobs and numby-yumby things and keep him for our personal servant.”
“We can’t keep him for our servant! Are you mad! He’s the son of Chaos! I’m not risking the wrath of Chaos descending on us in full fury just to have a servant!”
“Yes, but he was planning on killing you all, anyway, so you may as well have a good meal before going.”
“Was he?”
“Yes.” Brutus replied, emphatically.
“Well, that’s no good.”
“Not for you, no. Not as such!”
“Is there anyway to change his mind?”
“Think about who you are asking that in regards to.”
“Oh, right! Well .. uhm .. would you like to grab someone else’s older child, whom he won’t be looking for, and I could teach it and it can be our servant, instead?”
“How would that help?”
“He won’t be looking for a Master and his servant and guard. He’ll be looking for three salad chefs and a woman named Rose and a baby.”
“That’s very true. Let’s go.”
So off went Brutus the palace guard and Octavo the Placidly Rude, formerly known as the third salad chef, to snatch an elder child and firmly pull the wool over the eyes of a most enigmatic god.
“Where did that cursed guard and our other companion disappear to?” inquired the first salad chef.
“Who cares?” replied the second salad chef. “That other salad chef was always a loser anyway. He’ll never amount to anything, no, nor will we if we keep him tagging behind us. Find the baby, raise it up proper: that’s the key to living life as it should be!”
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| Chapter Three: The Salad Caper |
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misschoos
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Oct 6 @ 5:34PM
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*
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HopelesslyHopeful
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Oct 6 @ 5:59PM
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Hey, Miss Choos: what does it mean??
lol
Oh yes and could you, as the woman who has made many comments on my blogs that are simply teeming with religious phraseology and/or meaning, go to my latest 'Update' blog and have a good laugh at one of the comments made there?
Not asking you to insult anyone or take any sides. I just think you and kjac would both get a huge chuckle out of that one comment.
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