My First Dirty Diaper Change:-) posted 10/15/2007 4:08:27 PM | 8 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: humor, babysitting

Wolf36

This past Sunday I had planned an absolutely perfect day for myself. My parents and most of my family were in Branson, MO and their house was unoccupied for the entire weekend. I love watching football at my follks house, because they have a large wide screen TV and something in their refridgerator I seldom keep, "Food.":)

As I finished preparing snacks for a double header football day, I took up my position on the couch to catch the opening kick-off. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a blue flash as it went by the front door. "My god," I've got company. The feint knock came at the door and I immediately recognized the outline of my youngest niece. She's 19 and was carrying her baby in a basket.

I used the quickest defense at my disposal and told her my parents were away. She's said, "that's ok Uncle Wolfie, I already talked to Grandma and she told us they'd be gone." She went on to say that, "she had seen my car parked out front and thought it would be nice to visit with me for a while." I told her I was glad she did, while deep down I was kicking my ass for not parking in their garage.

She sat my little great nephew down in his basket on the other end of the couch and we began to talk about him. I'll just be upfront and honest. I'm not all that comfortable around infants. Their crying gets on my nerves fiercely and it simply makes me nervous with them around. Anyway, she offered to let me hold him and what could I say, "yes of course let me have the little tike."

He had no more than hit my arms when he got a curious look in his eye and began to smile. This gave me quite a thrill because babies usually don't take to me all that well. Hey, I was breaking through!!! The old Wolf has made a friend:) This is when my niece spoke up and told me that was the look he got when he was taking a dump. I'm thinking to myself, " this is just charming, all I wanted to do today was watch football and now I'm holding onto this kid while he makes baby biscuits.

I gave my niece the look we guys have that says, "please come take this baby away." She got my telepathtic message and began the process of changing him right there in the living room.

This is where my day really went to hell. Music started coming from my niece's purse and out comes one of those damnable cell phones. I could tell by the tone of her voice, that it was an emergency and I was right on. She had forgot to leave the keys at her place of work and they needed them immediately. She looked at me with her pretty blue eyes and asked if I could watch the baby for about 15minutes? Well since I used to supervise 12 delinquent juveniles, I figured how hard can this really be? I mean it's just one baby.

As she opened the door to leave, she yelled back and told me that he had diapers in the bag. At this point my brain was trying to absorb an exciting play on the TV and it didn't really hit me until she was clearing the drive. My God! she wants me to change that dirty diaper:)

Ok, I'm 40 years old and I've never changed a diaper in my life. furthermore, I've never had the desire to learn the maternal art either. Men can be very clever about avoiding situations, where they may learn to do something they don't want to do. Old Wolfie has been very savy about going into the other room, when this task was performed. For some reason today, I just thought I've got to do it, for no other reason than to say I've done it.

I laid him out in front of me and I notice his big blue eyes and toothless grin. It was as if he was saying, "welcome aboard Rookie.:lol" Then he gave me a very serious look and that said, "go ahead and take your best shot.

Before I began, I picked out all the materials I thought I'd need; a diaper, wipy things, a closepin for my nose and powder. At this point, I was ready to go in. I was careful to observe how the diaper fastened together so I'd know how to put the new one on and then I did it, I pulled the diaper apart and down. Ugeesh, Great Googlie Wooglie's, "what have you done" I said? Such a small baby, such a large nasty mess. All I could think of is how women do this laughing and joking. They even seem to enjoy it. What in the world do you ladies find about this to be so amusing anyway?

I was in the middle of the procedure, wiping and cleaning. I stopped only long enough to pat the sweat off my forehead with a clean wipe. He was clean now so out came the powder. I gave him a squirt on his little butt and then prepared to close, by re-attaching the new diaper. The new diaper went on fairly easy, even with him kicking with both feet, like he was riding a bicycle.

Back into his little basket he went and my ordeal was over. I had a few minutes before my niece returned so I spent the time educating him about women. One of the first issues we discussed, was how women always seem to find a way to disrupt Football Sunday:) (See previous blog)

Thanks for reading!
Wolf

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Blogs by Wolf36: Time to Pee on the Fire My "Born on Date" Has Expired My New Life as a Canine is Ruffff My First Dirty Diaper Change:-) Women and Football My Conspiracy Theory:) Image and First Impressions The Mouse From Hell Old School Memories and Emotions Little Terrorist at the China Buffet Out of Toilet Paper & Wolf's Luck Guys: Please Think Before You Write The Wolf’s Straight Bark on Internet Dating Hole "E" Underwear and Lessons Learned The Day I Stopped Being Cool