Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all the others. - Winston Churchill
When I was a little girl I was painfully shy. Painful is certainly the appropriate adjective for being afraid of other people without knowing why. I've no explanation for this other than genetics - or perhaps experiences before one is capable of remembering.
From kindergarten through 6th grade, I would stand off to the side of laughing groups, or spontaneous games fearing ridicule or rejection, while at the same time noting that the banter and/or skill levels of the others was no more intelligent, funny or beyond my own efforts. I ached to be one of those who seemed naturally included, easily a part of a group, but I couldn't bring myself to make the first move. I hated being such a coward.
When I was 12 - going into 7th grade, my family moved from a tiny town of 1,100 to a larger town of 4,800. Instead of being afraid of being the new girl, I saw this as my chance to make myself over. After all, no one at the new school would know I wasn't naturally gregarious, entertaining and outgoing.
This sounds like a set-up for failure, but that's not the case at all. I did it. From the first day of seventh grade, I said the things I had held back for years, I took initiative, tried out for teams, raised my hand in class, and most important: I became more the person I had seen myself to be and had been all along.
Each of us is more than one kind of person. We are complicated bits and pieces of personality types, thoughts and opinions. Sometimes we become pigeonholed into one aspect of who we are, depending upon who we are with. We cover up the parts we think others might disapprove of - either for our own comfort, or what we perceive as others comfort levels and ability to accept us.
This is why I see blogging as an opportunity to communicate more than small talk and superficial tidbits of our daily lives. I've no axe to grind with those who post what they wish, I only wish more people would post more about what makes them tick, who they are, how they got to be that way. Some are afraid of grammatical correction, some fear others' opinions, some are just plain lazy, and some are shy; fearing to expose who they are for any number of reasons. I understand all this but I wish more people would overcome their hesitation, because as Jen says: (paraphrased) without participation, there is no community.
My shyness is very ingrained, a part of who I am, and every day I push past it in some way in order to live the life I desire. For me, blogging is a means of being outgoing in a very personal way - putting the true self or selves out there and connecting with likeminded - or - totally different people. And there's so little risk involved for the return. I've met some astounding and amazing people here who continue to enrich my life.
Perhaps the little screen is just too much like television: something to watch and entertain in a passive way.
Too Bad. All that wasted opportunity.
The title of this blog? The buffet is life - the clean plate is what you should bring to it...
If a man harbors any sort of fear, it percolates through all his thinking, damages his personality, makes him landlord to a ghost. -Lloyd C. Douglas
Nothing is a greater impediment to being on good terms with others than being ill at ease with yourself. -Balzac
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read more blogs!
Blogs by redtigr:
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| Take a clean plate on every trip to the buffet... |
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sciurusniger
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Oct 20 @ 11:40AM
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You are so right in your observations here. Certainly one would think that the "wall" of a monitor would allow more of a person's real Self to peek out. Though I suppose in some cases it does so there a bit more shyness would be welcome, eh?! 
Anyway, this IS a place where one shouldn't be so afraid. No one here controls another's thoughts or paycheck, so the level of "caring" about opinions is utterly ridiculous.
Excellent, most excellent blog!
* * *
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misschoos
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Oct 20 @ 12:10PM
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Nice blog gf, lovely to see you back 
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PullMyFinger
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Oct 20 @ 12:20PM
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Boy do I understand.....I'm quite shy and demure.
Anyone named Balzac deserves attention...
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HopelesslyHopeful
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Oct 20 @ 12:30PM
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Great blog! I understand where you are coming from in more than one respect, too.
I was always very shy and still am. It takes a lot for me to even write anything at all.
Unfortunately, many people are afraid to really open up online for good reason. When I first started posting on here, some women who were jealous of the attention I was getting with my blogs, started posting lies about me and told another woman things that I said out of context, told her other things that were outright lies, etc. and they are still holding a grudge long after they scared most people away from my blogs to the point where they will read them sometimes but they won't comment on them for fear of being attacked themselves.
And, of course, there is also the fact that most persons don't want to put that sort of effort into reading a blog. But, what this site is here for is to get to know people, not just share jokes or dirty stories or give false praise or spread rumors. More blogs should be about opening up and sharing who the person writing is, what they are into, etc. and I hope your blog will inspire more persons to do just that.
And also, I hope it will inspire other persons, who shall remain nameless, to understand that it's not a popularity contest at all. It doesn't matter who wrote the best blog or the most read blog, which are seldom the same thing anyway, but it matters that people have a place to share and see if they click as friends or whatever!
Thank you for your well thought out blog!
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unionman154
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Oct 20 @ 12:34PM
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I was terribly shy when I was young too. But once I decided I liked girls I knew I couldn't be shy anymore if I were to find a sweetheart. Love conquers all. 
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SallyF
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Oct 20 @ 1:18PM
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Thanks, P~ It's so good to have your 'puter problems in the past and have you back here putting into words what so many of us feel---but fear? (maybe) to put out there.
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KUPUNA
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Oct 20 @ 2:23PM
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Nicely said....
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DZDiva
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Oct 20 @ 3:04PM
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Great share, just as you like others to share what makes them tick, I see you as well.
So strange, I can relate but it was the opposite for me....childhood, I was very outgoing and included myself in all of school's activities. However, when I reached adolescence, I closed up and severe depression overwhelmed me.
Now in my forties, I have realized it was wasted energy and could have grown so much then. I am making up for it now though......
Love this blog....and for many, the reason why we are here, criticisms or not....thank you for saying so.
DZ
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Tunes4u
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Oct 20 @ 3:08PM
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Hey!
I broke my arm this summer, and had my computer go haywire too!
We must be twins!
Nice to read you again.....'bout time.
Anyone named Balzac probably gets enough attention.
Tunes
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jentoblues101
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Oct 20 @ 3:35PM
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Ah Patrice, I'm so glad your computer is fixed and arm is better. It's nice to have you back. In my mind you're an integral part of this community, and your absence has been sorely missed.
Jennifer
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PullMyFinger
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Oct 20 @ 3:39PM
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I know I've posted already, but I must admit that seeing Patrices blog got me all giggly and shit....bout time.
Bob Ballzack..
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oceanlover734
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Oct 20 @ 5:18PM
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I so loved this blog. Your on target and said it how if I could get my thoughts out I would. I myself love how I've gotten to know several via their writing here. Your so right in it can show how we tick so to speak. Not one or two blogs but after time you can see someones soul. Good or bad it can be seen.I think I'm going to set a goal to stop being so passive and join in be it good or bad I'll try. Thanks 
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missliss78
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Oct 20 @ 11:56PM
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Awesome.
Thanks for sharing.
I very much enjoy reading you!
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wandaful123
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Oct 21 @ 12:02AM
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Bravo!
So very nice to read you! and so much to ponder... well said. Thanks for sharing the courage.
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Martin666
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Oct 21 @ 9:43PM
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Nobody can catch an idea and pin it's wings open on paper like you can, P.
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atropos319
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Feb 25 @ 9:10AM
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You're right, you know. I never set out to, but I hide behind the poems.
Love this, too.
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