For some time now I've had this theory about me and the word "forever." It freaks me out.  In the course of being non-datable for about three years + I have come to a conclusion: My relationships should have a date stamp on them. Like on the back of his neck or something. "Relationship is best if disabled by 12-10-2010" or "Best if completed by 4-8-2012"
Most often long-term in my world is about 5 years it seems, give or take one. I know why this is: I evolve and the poor man suddenly realizes he's living with or in love with a stranger. New me, same him. That has to be tough on another person ~ and I do disclose this information early on. It doesn't seem to be a problem in the beginning, but inevitably I hear this, "I don't know you anymore." Well, yes ~ I agree and that is what I mentioned 4 years ago. 
Being that I don't believe in "forever" I've labeled myself a "serial monogamist." I am exceptionally faithful, definitely a one-man-woman ~ and I do wonder if I ever meet a man who evolves constantly like I do if this would still be the case? 
I've already ruled out opposites attracting because with me that is just a trainwreck in progress. Are there others who evolve constantly??? And I mean in ALL areas of life. Knowledge, emotion, spirituality, personality, character, etc. I seem to be on a constant journey-of-self/enlightenment/enrichment. Does anyone else find this valuable? I would absolutely stagnate if I were the same-old/same old day after day. Thoughts??????? 
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read more blogs!
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Blogs by GiggleAddiction:
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aniana
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Nov 3 @ 4:01PM
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Sorry I don't like myself enough to answer that question let alone have any lasting meaningful relationships with any man....(semi-joking??? ... )..... 
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goodcatch57
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Nov 3 @ 4:13PM
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interesting...
I suspect most people change somewhat over time. However, going to bed with a sexy blonde that loves jazz one night, and then waking up to a wild red head that loves punk rock might be slightly unerving..but at least it wouldn't be a boring relationship. Your mate would just have to go with the flow I suppose.
5 years is good..I can only go 3. but I think I stay the same...hmm...maybe I'm boring.
change is good sometimes.
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ChipP
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Nov 3 @ 4:17PM
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personal evolution is relative..Let's look at the cause for a moment..Are you in that state, or have you forced yourself into that state of ever changing and evolving, because of a lack of satisfaction as far as who you are or where you want to be in life? Or do you believe you will somehow become a less interesting or unappealing person somehow to other people by not being in a constant state of change? Are you unhappy with yourself, deep down inside, and as a result constantly seek to somehow alter your persona in order to satisfy a lack of self esteem? Ask yourself some honest questions, look at yourself in the mirror when you do it.....Do I really like ME? Do I really like how my life has turned out? Am I really satisfied with my accomplishments? DO I have realistic goals in life? DO I have unrealistic expectations of myself? Do I have unrealistic expectations of other people? Try to strip away the extra fluff and take a honest look at you, your behavior, and how you interact with others, then put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself those questions. Is this girl dynamic and vibrant or is she a skitzo flakey-puff? These are only general questions, ones I have myself had to ask...It is tough to judge yourself honestly but if we can break down the barriers that cloud our self judgment and be honest with ourselves, then we can finally change ourselves in earnest..That is, if that is what you want to do...I can't give you any kind of judgment or verdict or classification, all I can do is suggest paths to take to find answers.. 
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GiggleAddiction
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Nov 3 @ 4:23PM
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Aniana: LMAO ~
I don't usually change much in appearance, it's the inner-substance things that change most often. One day I'm learing how to fly-fish, a month later I'm taking piano lessons. One year I might be rather reclusive, the next year I might be all over the US seeing sights unseen. Hobbies change, passions change, "causes" that I find vital come and go, etc. It's like I'm wanting to take in all I can before I leave this planet, yet for the most part, most of those in my past were pretty set in their "I'm ok just as I am." conviction. Not a whole lot of personal growth for most. Or that what it seems like to me.
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vettman454
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Nov 3 @ 4:24PM
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Know what you mean! I gave up the dating but always thought a label should be placed on a woman. Warning! Hazardous To Your Health! Open at own risk!
Please inspect the expiration date and if bad? return here to her home for a full refund.
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tjnriley
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Nov 3 @ 4:25PM
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Im a firm believer in the phase "nothing is forever" wished it wasnt so allthough..:(
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bpgjohn
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Nov 3 @ 4:45PM
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kind of like the old shareware clauses this guy wont work after 30 days unless registered
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SweetNapaGuy
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Nov 3 @ 4:46PM
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I'm getting into a relationship (I hope...) that's got a shelf life on it. The person I'm going to be hanging out with (buddy and lover) will be in the area pursuing a graduate degree. Chances are, she'll move back to her home state after she graduates. So I'll probably only have her for 18 months.
Is it worth it? I think so. It's not how long the relationship is. It's how much you can invest in the relationship. Eighteen months of passion and companionship can be more than some couples invest in a decade of marriage.
Anyway, better to part as friends than go through the bitterness of a bad breakup, right?
I can't wait for her move to this area to be complete. I'm looking forward to my first sleepover. :) (Hoping I'm not jinxing myself here...)
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GiggleAddiction
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Nov 3 @ 4:47PM
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Are you in that state, or have you forced yourself into that state of ever changing and evolving, because of a lack of satisfaction as far as who you are or where you want to be in life?
Definitely NOT. I've lived a very wonderful, fulfilled life. I've been blessed in nearly every avenue. Most of my goals set early on in life have long since been fulfilled. I've been a creature of evolving since a young child. Wanderlust ~ the need for knowledge of that which I don't know ~ it's just in me. Nothing I promote, it's just a constant.
Or do you believe you will somehow become a less interesting or unappealing person somehow to other people by not being in a constant state of change?
I don't give a rat-ass who finds me interesting to be honest. Much of what I learn never leaves my own head. I don't change for anyone but me. Nor do I try to impress. I've never been one who needs validation from others. EVER. I got over that when I cut ties with my over-bearing/control freak mother. 
Are you unhappy with yourself, deep down inside, and as a result constantly seek to somehow alter your persona in order to satisfy a lack of self esteem? Ask yourself some honest questions, look at yourself in the mirror when you do it.....Do I really like ME?
Absolutely ~ I'd like to know me if I weren't me. I wouldn't have said that 20 years ago ~ today is a different thing.
Do I really like how my life has turned out? Am I really satisfied with my accomplishments? DO I have realistic goals in life? DO I have unrealistic expectations of myself? Do I have unrealistic expectations of other people?
Yes, my life has been exceptional compared to the visions I had in my much younger years. Many accomplishments. Goals today ~ I have very few. I've accomplished raising a wonderful son, have had two exceptional loves in my life and today ~ my goal is to be happy/healthy/and to be a kind person. Goals today aren't what they needed to be early on. I place NO expectations on any other soul. I only live MY life.
Try to strip away the extra fluff and take a honest look at you, your behavior, and how you interact with others, then put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself those questions. Is this girl dynamic and vibrant or is she a skitzo flakey-puff? These are only general questions, ones I have myself had to ask...It is tough to judge yourself honestly but if we can break down the barriers that cloud our self judgment and be honest with ourselves, then we can finally change ourselves in earnest..That is, if that is what you want to do...I can't give you any kind of judgment or verdict or classification, all I can do is suggest paths to take to find answers
I'm no wuss about myself. I have NO issues with dealing with my own core issues and that is most generally when the changes in relationships happen. When I get to something that I don't favor about myself, I change it ~ right NOW. Whether that works for those around me or not, isn't of no issue to me because if I'm not happy with something, it's changing regardless of who agrees or does not agree. Professionally is a good example. I gave so much of my life, heart, energy, time, etc., to a career that was, by some accounts ~ amazing. One day, I couldn't do it anymore. So I don't. I completely changed my life in a matter of a two weeks notice.
I think assuming that someone is evolving out of negativity is really quite impossible. A negative person isn't likely to evolve. Most truly negative people are angry/hostile/snide/disappointed to a point that they have NO clue how to change, nor do most wish to. Most don't even admit they are negative. That is what I find perplexing. Most positive I've surrounded myself with are forever in a constant state of motion (evolution of self that is.)
The truth about me: The more I learn, the less I know. Hence, my insistent need for more information, more knowledge, more emotional growth. More everything. I feel cheated if I don't learn at LEAST one new thing each day. Most people that I've watched over the years, prefer "status quo." Get up, go to their job, go home, eat, sleep, etc., do it all over again. I have NO status quo. And that is where I think my failed relationships go to die ~ the "Status Quo" mortician, then the cremation and someone is moving on. Maybe I'm so complex it's just impossible to find someone else willing to admit they are the same way. I have three men friends who are exactly like me ~ constant evolution. One has never been married, one has been married 3 times and one is gay ~ but they all feel the same as me, it's just not something "partners" understand (or so it seems.) Bottom line: I would love to find a man who evolves and get over this shelf-life dating issue. Starting over and over and over sucks. 
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goodcatch57
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Nov 3 @ 4:49PM
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ah..I see. Change interests. If thats what you you think is killing your relationships it certainly explains why mine only last 3 years.
I change interests regularly. Like you, I love the new challenges and the growth I gain from trying new things and learning new skills.
Now that you put it into this kind of a context, I see how I must have drove my girlfriends nuts. It started out with guitars, then keyboards, then drums. Then I decided I would rather build a wooden boat. all in a six month period. Come to think of it...she moved out right after I brought home the first semi load of lumber...
so..is it a bad thing to want to explore? Exploring with 2 people is much more fun...or so I would think.
So...hows the piano coming?
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PROVIDENCE_BOSTON
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Nov 3 @ 4:54PM
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Good Blog !
I have always been of the belief that we probably will have about 3-6 serious relationships in our lives.
I am on pace it seems for about 6 serious relationships.
I know I have grown as a person and as a human being in each and every relationship I have had !
Also,I do know one thing and that is if I had to live my life all over again I wouldn't change anything I have ever done !
Make it a Good Day !
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kiwilove007
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Nov 3 @ 4:56PM
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What is 'happiness' to you? What is 'interesting' to you?
I like to think we are all spirits in human bodies here - and while consciously - it is only the one life, we are familiar with, and relate to ---- that is not the sum total of who and what you are.
I subscribe to the idea of reincarnation - which says there is a part of you, your inner spirit who knows a lot more than your personality and consciousness.
It is the greater part of you - and you do not have a clear direct link to it.
It is like your feelings do link to it - but not your intellect.
And so what makes you happy - is to link up with your inner spirit, to be who you really are. There are qualities about you - you cannot explain. It simply is there - things which you can do, which surprise yourself. You'd wonder - where did that come from? And so it is good to try new things (which are not dangerous) - to rediscover yourself...
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GiggleAddiction
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Nov 3 @ 5:08PM
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Im a firm believer in the phase "nothing is forever" wished it wasnt so allthough..:( I soooooooooo agree. I wish it weren't that was as well. 
Is it worth it? I think so. It's not how long the relationship is. It's how much you can invest in the relationship. Eighteen months of passion and companionship can be more than some couples invest in a decade of marriage.
Anyway, better to part as friends than go through the bitterness of a bad breakup, right? Excellent point. I was actually meaning to say something on that note. I've never had an angry or hostile break-up. Never had the proverbial shouting matches, bickering, fighting over this or that. When it was done, it was just make sure the split was fair, hug, kiss and be friends rather than lovers. I'm with you ~ 18 months of pure bliss ~ I'd do it knowing it would end. Absolutely!!! 
So...hows the piano coming? ROTFLAO ~ that lasted about as long as fly-fishing. Seems I have a follow through problem with the fly fishing and it does appear I need an extra finger or two to navigate the keyboard. But, I did move on to trap shooting. That was just as frustrating as fly-fishing. LOL @ your gf's frustrations. I am certain it is so frustrating. One day I'm quiet, the next day you can't shut me up. It's not just interests changing ~ it's my entire mindset most often. It seems like I've opened the top of my head and can't get enough stuff in there to fill it up. 
Also,I do know one thing and that is if I had to live my life all over again I wouldn't change anything I have ever done !
Make it a Good Day ! I couldn't agree more. My Aunt said, "If you don't have many regrets, you haven't lived." I said, "The hell I haven't. I just did so to the beat of my own drum ~ no need for regrets if you stand behind your convictions and decisions." Even some of my paramount mistakes ~ I'm thankful they happened ~ that's when the real growth has happened for me.
Thanks for all the comments ~ some things for me to think about. 
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chris549547
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Nov 3 @ 5:30PM
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change is good!
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goodcatch57
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Nov 3 @ 5:36PM
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I have NO status quo.
Quick! Marry me before one of us changes our minds...
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Juday470
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Nov 3 @ 5:45PM
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I agree with you I used to believe that love can last forever but I after few failed relationship I became skeptic about everything. My ex used to say to me.. I love u forever darling but they left me because they couldn't handle difficult situations. Where is the love forever?
I believe NOTHING LAST FOREVER!!!
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chris549547
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Nov 3 @ 5:55PM
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I guess "forever" is open for enterpretation
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chris549547
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Nov 3 @ 5:58PM
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maybe those people should say
"I will love you as long as you dont change,but the minute you change....."
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SweetNapaGuy
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Nov 3 @ 6:02PM
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To be fair, when the marriage vows were written, the average life expectancy was around 40 years (http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0005140.html, see 1850 life expectancies). Thus, "forever" was simply 20 years or so.
Also, when the marriage vows were written, the "nuclear family" of the husband going out to work and the wife staying at home with the kids was the norm. This is no longer the case. There are economic considerations (the balancing act between the income of a second wage-earner and the expense of hiring a baby-sitter, maid, and cook), as well as personal fulfillment issues (i.e. the "super woman" fallacy perpetuated by feminists, that women have to be a strong worker, a strong wife, and a strong mother all at once or she's a failure).
Plus, the opportunities offered to women nowadays are much broader than in the old days. Women do not have to stay in relationships that are loveless or abusive, because a failed marriage is no longer considered a failed life. Being a wife isn't the raison d'etre of women any more.
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SunBabe
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Nov 3 @ 6:09PM
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LOL, as someone who ended a 32 year long relationship, I can still identify with your dilemma (if it's really a dilemma  ). My ex often said that life with me was never boring (admitted it even after the divorce) -- apparently I entertained him (and myself) for all of those years; but after 25 years or so, he must have decided he preferred a much simpler, less "interesting" life...so he and the 2 friggin' TVs went out on their own together (and we were both happier for it, lol). I do tend to giggle, though, because his new lady has him doing all the things he missed out on when we were married -- he admitted he learned a few things form our marriage and divorce.
"Evolve"? Constantly! Lately it's as a hermit -- but who knows what it'll be next, given the right "incentive" 
Are you in that state, or have you forced yourself into that state of ever changing and evolving, because of a lack of satisfaction as far as who you are or where you want to be in life?
ACK! Never! It's insatiable curiosity and "challenges" and can be done with or without a partner (a lot is just more FUN when it's shared)...LOL, I gave up on fly fishing, too, but my father bestowed his precious bamboo rod on me as a memento. I might just try messing around with his fly-tying materials, one of these days -- just because I've never tried it before.
(PS Anyone want to buy a baby grand piano that's still in storage in CT? I never did learn how to play, but it made a cool candelabra setting when I had a house that it fit  )
I'll shut up now because you said everything I was going to say. I told you Playa del Carmen wouldn't know what hit 'em if we teamed up and stormed into town
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GiggleAddiction
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Nov 3 @ 6:09PM
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maybe those people should say
"I will love you as long as you dont change,but the minute you change....."
LOL ~ I think so. This goes right along with my personal thought on "unconditional love" ~ no such thing. (The only exception being parent/child and I've witnessed many of those relationships with conditions, too.) Unconditional love - nope. Not even our pets. Stop feeding your dog and kick him a few times a day then leave the gate open ~ he'll be long gone. Get married, oh love is grant. She has an affair, ut oh, condition to love. She becomes celibate ~ ut oh, condition. He refuses to work forcing the family into bankruptcy and becomes a drunk ~ ut oh, condition. All things in life have conditions. We all answer to someone whether that be a spouse or the IRS. Nothing is condition-free. If it were, I'd still be with a woman beater from 23 years ago. If unconditional love were in fact a reality, My love for him would have continued no matter how many times he beat me senseless. Of the cheater. "Aww, go ahead. I love ya." I don't think so.
Change for most people is un-welcomed. I think geographically it's a little different in less rural areas than where I spend most of my time. It seems city-folk take change easier than most from where I live. At least that's my experience with those from elsewhere. Here, do as you've always done. PERIOD. PFT ~ I need more than that.
Forever ~ I think that is suggestive. What is forever? With matters of the heart, I believe it's tied into that suggestion of "unconditional love" which means, no way can it happen. Forever is as long as it lasts, I guess. It's forever til it's over. What a paradox.
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SweetNapaGuy
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Nov 3 @ 6:16PM
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@ Giggle and an "Awwww... " moment re: unconditional love:
A young child and her mother were talking about who loves who more.
Child: I love you, Momma.
Mother (teasingly): I love you more!
Child: No, I love you more!
Mother: No, I love you more!!!
Child (pauses, then earnestly): Momma, I love you more than I love myself.
Wait for it. There it is: "Awwwwww...." :)
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dcw639
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Nov 3 @ 6:51PM
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You are right. Life is about change and growth. I can only speak personaly. I have found that new experiences and especially new people always bring new ideas to me. That I mature more as a person. The difficult part is that change is never easy. To grow and become better means that something will be left behind in life. It is also very difficult on a relationship. It would be truely beautiful to spend life with the person you can grow with!
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texasblues
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Nov 3 @ 7:19PM
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hey Giggles I'm constantly evolving at the rate I'm going pretty soon I should be walking completely upright without dragging my knuckles. Interested ?
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padreroyalataol
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Nov 3 @ 8:34PM
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I'd like to get to know you, but by the time I do,,,you will have changed once more. 
"I'm two places at once, and nowhere at all" 
All the best,
Richard
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Hansumm
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Nov 3 @ 8:58PM
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sounds to me you have not come to grasp your evolvement as a butterfly. Quit looking at the worms, you don't don't need them anymore. As you said, you evolved, for the better. Quit looking at the ground since your new world is in the beauty and perfumed fragrance of the flowers. 
I would check the roses first....
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GiggleAddiction
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Nov 3 @ 11:31PM
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SweetNapaGuy ~ I'm starting to think you're a softie. Thank you ~ that was the most wonderful "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww" moment I've had in a long time. 
Chip: Just wanted to make sure you know that I didn't take offense to your post ~ it made me think and it also made me wonder a couple of things. I responded, and I can be a little .... errrrrr ..... dry. (HA, now there's an understatement if one's ever been written!!) 
hey Giggles I'm constantly evolving at the rate I'm going pretty soon I should be walking completely upright without dragging my knuckles. Interested ? Make sure your opposable thumbs are in good condition, re-invent the wheel/fire, we might have a deal.....oh.....wait ~ I think I'm getting married ~ unless goodcatch57 has already moved on. 
I'd like to get to know you, but by the time I do,,,you will have changed once more.   (You just never know....tee hee.)
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SweetNapaGuy
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Nov 3 @ 11:46PM
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Did warn you, Giggle.
And yeah, I'm a softie. A hard-eyed pragmatist, but that hides a romantic inside. :)
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PoliTronics
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Nov 4 @ 11:55AM
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"Absolutely ~ I'd like to know me if I weren't me. I wouldn't have said that 20 years ago ~ today is a different thing."
Well, I'm not you and I'd like to get to know you too.....
So.....I don't understand the concept....we all change...we all develop new interests and shed old ones....maybe some people more then others, or some have more turnover then others, but we all change.
Perhaps there is a lack of communication in your changing states? I mean, why would anyone want to hold anybody back from something that interests them? Or why would that result in a relationship ending? Why wouldn't you include them in your new interests when you can, or why can't they celebrate your happiness?
Maybe you just haven't found what you are looking for..... I went through a number of changes over the years and finally found something I enjoy doing...and have enjoyed doing....for a number of years. Maybe that will change in the future too, but who knows....
As a City boy (NYC) who is now a country boy (Population 450) I found that most of the people I dealt with in NY were the same ole, same ole type. They were born, grew up, worked two jobs and died.....
I strived for something that was, in my view, a better life. It is for me, but perhaps not for others. I know it is for my kids. And while people here (and really everywhere) don't necessarily embrace change, they do embrace family and community. Yes, there is a pattern to much of the day to day, year to year life, but there is also a desire to do different things, explore new things. That is something that couples need to do together to grow their reiationships. Relationships, like an old house left to itself, in time get old and fall apart. There is a need for constant maintenance, to update, fix and repair, personal touches that make it "ours", make it comfortable, but keep it "new."
As I work from home 80-85% of the time and travel the other 15-20%, I have the best of both worlds. I enjoy being a homebody, kids, work around the house, etc, but also enjoy heading down to the Bay Area or Denver, or Sacramento.
I have no expiration date or bar code tattooed anywhere that guides the length of my relationships. I just try to be the best partner I can be and work together to stay together. It can't be one sided. And if it doesn't work out, I try to understand what did and didn't work, what went wrong and hopefully learn what I am looking for, (and probably JUST as important, what I am NOT looking for) in the next person.
OK. I am going to stop rambling.
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GiggleAddiction
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Nov 4 @ 6:35PM
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Well, I'm not you and I'd like to get to know you too..... LOL ~ thank you.
So.....I don't understand the concept....we all change...we all develop new interests and shed old ones....maybe some people more then others, or some have more turnover then others, but we all change. I can see you don't actually understand what I mean, I can assure you ~ NOT all people change. In fact, most people (in general) have a fear and a strong unwillingness to welcome change of any nature. Status quo is it. "We did it this way yesterday ~ we will do it this way tomorrow" is exceptionally common in human beings in general. Sociologically speaking ~ you can research it. "Constant" is a state that the vast majority of humans prefer.
Perhaps there is a lack of communication in your changing states? I mean, why would anyone want to hold anybody back from something that interests them? Or why would that result in a relationship ending? Why wouldn't you include them in your new interests when you can, or why can't they celebrate your happiness? Maybe you just haven't found what you are looking for..... I went through a number of changes over the years and finally found something I enjoy doing...and have enjoyed doing....for a number of years. Maybe that will change in the future too, but who knows.... As I've clearly stated ~ I've been lucky in love.  I've been blessed more often than not with amazing men in my life. It has nothing to do with interests. I can do anything, try anything and most in my life have been adventurers like myself.
When spirituality changes, religious tones change, a deeper sense of self is developed, yet the other party isn't on that same path ~ the dynamics in the relationship change. And, no matter what anyone thinks, you can't take someone with you on your own personal journey of self. That's a trip you take alone. Hopefully the ones who love you embrace the changes ~ if not, it's usually a departure rather than a meeting of the minds. 
As a City boy (NYC) who is now a country boy (Population 450) I found that most of the people I dealt with in NY were the same ole, same ole type. They were born, grew up, worked two jobs and died.....
I strived for something that was, in my view, a better life. It is for me, but perhaps not for others. I know it is for my kids. And while people here (and really everywhere) don't necessarily embrace change, they do embrace family and community. Yes, there is a pattern to much of the day to day, year to year life, but there is also a desire to do different things, explore new things. That is something that couples need to do together to grow their reiationships. Relationships, like an old house left to itself, in time get old and fall apart. There is a need for constant maintenance, to update, fix and repair, personal touches that make it "ours", make it comfortable, but keep it "new." We all have our preferences. I'm stagnating. I'm literally dying a little each day due to geographical changes that were made in my life. Everyone is different. Everyone has their own personal mind-set of what is "ideal" and rural living has NOTHING to offer me personally. Someone who prefers that ~ wonderful, all that tells me is that for me personally ~ ~ that person and I would have absolutely NOTHING in common as far as living arrangements.
[/QUOTE]I have no expiration date or bar code tattooed anywhere that guides the length of my relationships. I just try to be the best partner I can be and work together to stay together. It can't be one sided. And if it doesn't work out, I try to understand what did and didn't work, what went wrong and hopefully learn what I am looking for, (and probably JUST as important, what I am NOT looking for) in the next person.
OK. I am going to stop rambling[QUOTE]
The harsh reality is simple: you are apparently single, so am I. So obviously neither of us have the answer.
I do know there are those out there like myself ~ those who evolve constantly, strive for change/growth/knowledge/enlightment and then there are those better suited for someone who is much less worried about the journey. They are just happy to have arrived.  The difference is paramount. I need the journey-type person and you clearly state, you are a destination person (happy to be in a relationship and hoping to work on it and keep it going.) That's wonderful and I hope you find that. Journey people and destination people are just different creatures. Both have positive attributes, both have some pitfalls. The simpliest thing ~ never mix the two.  Opposites may attract, but even silly Dr. Phil promotes similarities surviving the long haul !!
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PoliTronics
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Nov 4 @ 9:38PM
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Dr. Phil? What does HE know. He's hooked up with "Match.com"
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AttractedCentaur
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Nov 21 @ 10:04AM
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I find myself in a constant state of flux ... one minute I am passionate about this cause. Then I get interested in something else. So ...
My expiration date is subject to change according to the change of ingredients.
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