An eight grader got two days suspension for hugging two girls at her school recently. She hugged one girl on Friday and they gave her one day of suspension, then at the end of school that day she hugged another girl bye for the weekend, which got her another day of suspension. The week before she had hugged a boy and they warned her that time. She forgot because she was a hugger.
It seems the school has a rule that no one can show affection to others. Most schools have that rule but it normally means a boy can not hug a girl or kiss her.
We would not let boys and girls hug each other at my school, but we did not suspend them. We just told them not to do it. The girls hugged each other all the time.
Children need hugs, because they may not be getting hugs at home and it means a lot to them to get hugged. It makes them feel loved.
I hugged the girl students I taught, especially if they were crying. They needed a hug to calm them down. We were told not to hug the boys for obvious reasons.
The last day of school I always hugged the girls and boys who wanted to say goodbye. It makes us feel loved to get a hug. It is a way of saying thanks for being so nice, and you never know if you will ever see them again. Some always get killed in the summer. Several of the students I taught have died already.
I lost two of my students while teaching them. One boy was sick with heart trouble and he went to the hospital and when he was released he went to the hospital bathroom and fell dead. I placed a rose in his desk the next day at school and no one got to use his seat for that day. It was a day of mourning for him. I wish I could have hugged him before he died to let him know how much I appreciated him in my class. 
A girl I taught got shot by accident by her brother during Christmas vacation. I placed a rose in her desk, also, and we mourned for her too, the day we came back to school. I wish I could have hugged her too. She was a wonderful, sweet student.
I still think of both of them and miss them.
About 20 of the students I taught are deceased now. Their lives cut short from accidents.
I do not know what is happening in our schools today when they will not allow prayer or even a hug.
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| Hugging - Is it so wrong to hug. |
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Cynbaby
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Nov 8 @ 11:08AM
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Everyone needs a warm, heartfelt hug and not just  every now and then. I see nothing wrong with a child, teen or adult hugging their friend in a time of need or just to say hey your my friend and I care for you.
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Journeyhawk
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Nov 8 @ 11:11AM
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What is this world coming to? Children especially need to be hugged. If the child does not receive the love and affection it needs at home, then this presents a great opportunity for the child predators in this country.
When an infant is not touched and nurtured, it experiences what is called "Failure to thrive." I saw a two year old girl in a hospital once who was suffering from this. She still drank out of a bottle, wore a diaper, and didn't even have the ability to talk!
Touch is a vital part of human existence, no matter what the age. Many times, a touch rather than a spoken word expresses volumes! People literally die all the time from the starvation of not being touched.
We live in a sad sad society! What's next? I don't think I want to know. 
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ChipP
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Nov 8 @ 11:12AM
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I read this story and it's totally ridiculous...If more kids were hugging each other in school less would be shooting each other... 
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whiteghost672
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Nov 8 @ 11:14AM
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If my daughter's schools had such a rule she NEVER would be in school. She HAS to hug people (students-girls & boys, teachers & staff-female & male). She is a girl that really NEEDS physical contact with others to know that she is liked & loved. Most everyone she has ever met knows this & sometimes will give her a hug 1st. She has encountered some people that don't like hugs & then can not understand even when explained to why they feel this way. But they still allow a fast hug just cuz of how she is & they can understand even if she can't. She has been this way all her life & she is 15 already.
Im sorry about the losses of your students  that must have been so very hard for all of you.
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teddybearagain
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Nov 8 @ 11:15AM
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I have raised two children already, and currently have a 4th grade son. The times have changed so much since my older kids were younger. A hug, a smile, a touch can and do affect the human race in a positive way. Why did God put indents between our fingers? ...... so we can hold onto one another's hands. Hugging a child is indeed what some kids need, as they don't get that attention at home sometimes. Maybe with the basics of God or your higher power you choose in our lives beginning in the home can make a difference? Maybe we should step up at the PTO meetings, at the community events and let our voices be heard. You are one person, and yes, You CAN make a difference. I applaud all teachers who have the courage to step up and do what feels right, for you, and for the child. Great blog topic! 
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Philosopher8659
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Nov 8 @ 11:16AM
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-I do not know what is happening in our schools today when they will not allow prayer or even a hug-
I believe what you say, how is it that a teacher can say they do not recognize what lack of judgment is, what its cause is, or how to correct it. Is this not saying they do not know what they themselves do?
As Plato pointed out, those who teach social norms, who teach the nation, and then complain of the stupidity that that nation exibits, are strange indeed, for it is they who have the least cause to complain.
Is it not strange indeed, that teaching human judgment is more often than not the desire of those who have the least ability to do so. j.c.
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travelwoman
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Nov 8 @ 11:16AM
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Kandy...
where did that happen?
and... I hope the parents of that girl will protest.... I would. I'm proud of my little boy when he hugs his school mates, or responds when they hug him. As you said, children need affection.... and in my boy's class, there is sometimes quite some hugging going on at pick-up time.
Why depriving children from what is NORMAL???
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mojorisin
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Nov 8 @ 11:40AM
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maslow told us that we need to hug/ have human contact. especially in developing years as this.
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theblessedone
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Nov 8 @ 11:45AM
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So I'm left to wonder...as the guilty hugger is walking out of the school to begin their period of suspension, are they allowed to stop long enough to pick up a supply of condoms from the school nurse?
I also wonder if schools are encouraging students to seek careers in counseling and human services, to come to the rescue of the generation that is learning from boundaries that suggest that sexual contact is ok but hugging is somehow inappropriate...I envision many healthy relationships developing from THAT particular philosophy.
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JimNastics
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Nov 8 @ 11:48AM
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I saw this article yesterday. In my opinion the world needs a lot more hugs.
I agree with Chip. There would probably be a lot less killing going around if
people would simply show some love to each other, especially in their younger
more formative years.
This video should be required viewing for all people.
Click HERE please
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lj450
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Nov 8 @ 11:50AM
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I love those GOOD hugs, where they squeeze you really tight and shove their titties into you.
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Jankia
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Nov 8 @ 11:52AM
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I saw it in yesterdays paper,it happened in Prattville, Ala. Travelwoman.
Thats what happens when lines are drawn in a free society,we need to install stupid rules that have nothing to do with our majorities interests but in the interest of laws meant to protect us but take away our freedom to be humans.
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piceo
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Nov 8 @ 12:02PM
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Thank you for bringing this out. Kid is grown and it has been a long time since I have been around school age children. I was not aware this was happening.
I was raised with hugging.I am a veteran and a biker and I greet every man woman and child I know with a hug. Just makes ya feel good!
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Josuha
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Nov 8 @ 12:14PM
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It seems the school has a rule that no one can show affection to others. Most schools have that rule but it normally means a boy can not hug a girl or kiss her.
If you read the take over of China and Cambodia (Communists, state control.), they instituted a system where emotions were secound to the state.
Fascism (marriage of corporatism and the state) does the same.
In this way, it negates family, faith and morals and puts the state in control.
It is ironic, that for decades we have (I say 'have' and not 'becoming') the very thing we fought against.
Of course, the wolf is always in sheep's clothing.
Makes preying on the sheep that much easier.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-422514388356837212
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goodcatch57
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Nov 8 @ 12:31PM
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I saw that article too..and was speechless.
Haven't these cold hearted people ever heard of National Hugging Day? It's been around since 1986. Jan. 21...hug somebody!
National Hugging day website.
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Kandykammy
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Nov 8 @ 12:52PM
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Thanks for all the wonderful comments, friends. We all need hugs.
Now hug someone that is near you right this minute. 
Go ahead and make them feel loved
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edthepoet
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Nov 8 @ 1:16PM
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The answer is hell no, Hugs are important to kids and adults, hence why I am forever giving out hug.
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tentfire
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Nov 8 @ 1:57PM
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KandyKammy, there isn't a sole around me right now TO hug. It is quiet and not even a customer is in here right now. Haven't had any contact with another human yet, today, so I can't hug anyone. But I did hug my cat before I left. Does that count?
I am so sorry to hear about all of those students that have passed. You must have also wanted to give comforting hugs to the other students that were grieving.
Yes, children, and adults as well, need hugs, and LOTS of them. Hugs hold more health benefits than we will probably ever know. I just plain love them. They ease my stress and make my day brighter.
One of my adopted kids was tiny and had stopped growing when I got him. He did not grow for several years. I am sure it was "failure to thrive" (along with meds)since his only physical contact up to that point was bad. I will never forget him acting out, BADLY, and I had to restrain him (which was becoming often). He finally stopped fighting and asked, "If I am bad like that again, will you hold me like that again." It broke my heart and I still tear up thinking about it now. Needless to say we had a looong talk about it being okay to be held and hugged. Oh, yes, this tiny child is now 17(18 in a few weeks), 165#, 5'9" or so and wears an 11 shoe. He now eagerly greets me with huge, cut my air off, hug. 
I can see; however, where schools can have concerns, though they do go overboard. Example:
My kids' grade school that I use to volunteer in always allowed us to hug the kids (a long time ago) but they did tell us that it was against the rule. To shorten a very long story, it was discovered that one of the male volunteers, when he was hugging the kids, was also running his hands over their chests! He preyed upon the kids starved for a hug, ones not getting much positive attention at home. They were less apt to tell. And they were so starved for hugs, that they wanted another one, but they felt horrible because as he hugged them, he was feeling of their nipples. They were feeling good about the hug, terrible about the molesting, feeling TOTALLY confused! He did get put in jail, but not before 60 to 100 kids fell victim. He held them, kind of bent over them (early grade school kids that were small) where his own body shadowed what he was doing. A classic example as to why hugs are not allowed in schools. I can understand it, but not to the extremes as you talk about in this blog.
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HopelesslyHopeful
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Nov 8 @ 2:27PM
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The true test of a teacher is to teach their students what they actually need to know even when the government no longer allows it.
When I was a child, where I was a child, we were not allowed to read anything about Ireland or it's history. The one exception was a book of ghost stories that mentioned Ireland it was one of the most checked out books ever.
Later on, we had a teacher - he hadn't even wanted to be a teacher, but there he was - who asked us if we read about the black students having tests, history lessons, etc. more geared towards them and of course we had. So he went out on a huge limb and said that he was pretty sure the traditional American history wasn't for us and we already learned the important bits anyway, so maybe we'd like to learn about our ancestors.
We came to agreements on learning about Ireland and Irish history and we came to agreements, as a class, that we'd watch his back and he'd watch ours. Because first he asked why Irish history with so many other ethnic groups also represented, and I told him "Because they'll tell you that you can't." and he found out it was true: they told him that he couldn't.
So he says, to me especially but to the class too, that if he's going to risk his job and maybe more than that to teach us what we want to know, then we have to ask questions and be willing to learn, even when they send in their guest speakers, etc. And I learned more from that class, about far more than Ireland, than all the other classes combined.
At first he didn't want to take the risk, you know? It's a low paying job that he wasn't even qualified by degree to have. He meant to be something else but he had taken the job. And he asked why he should risk himself in that way, which it truely was a risk of monumental proportions.
And I said to him that he's a teacher, that's why he should. He' was an educated man, he knew about Jesus and Ghandi and .. other people I forget the names of now, but one was the teacher on Schindler's list that is featured so prominently in the story .. so he knew that being a teacher is a job that is not easy and not for a coward, not always respected, sometimes ends in persecution and death, but he chose to take the job anyway.
That's the short version, but it's true. And that's what you are, a teacher. Choose your battles, of course, but take the risks. It's better to have to stand up in court and defend the rights of children to treat each other with humanity then to let it all slip away into regrets.
I've always respected teachers that truly teach.. it's a very noble profession and you sound like a person who belongs in it.
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melissa2
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Nov 8 @ 3:06PM
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a hug!
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