It's saturday and I am home alone. ekkkkk posted 11/9/2007 9:43:31 PM | 0 kudos what's this?     report abuse

chatty

The house is quiet and I am having those roller coaster feelings again.
I know that I am going to be ok.
I have so many fears though and it is hard to live each day alone when for the past 15 you had someone to share it with.
I miss being able to massage my guy when he has had a long day at work and is hurting. I miss being able to snuggle up to him and watch tv with a kiss every now and then and a I love you thrown in during breaks. I miss cooking and knowing he is going to love it because I cooked his favorite meal. I miss being able to walk up behind my guy and wrap my arms around him and whisper in his ear, I love you more that you will ever know. I miss playing around and being tickled until I scream I have to go pee. I miss making love and then laying my head on my guys chest and listening to his heart beat feeling safe from the world as I fall asleep. I miss the laughter and the love. I miss being in a relationship.
I don't miss the pain. The mean way he used to talk down to me, or the way he always made me feel like I was not what he wanted anymore. I don't miss the moment I realized he was cheating on me or the way he treated me up until he left. I don't miss feeling like I wasn't what he wanted or needed anymore. I don't miss the way his family made me feel like I was an outsider and finally made it so he had to choose them or me. I don't miss the words he said to me that made me feel worthless and ugly, and like I was one big fail at everything person. I don't miss the emotional abuse.
I hope he will be happy. I also pray he will never seek to take my children away . My children say if he tries they will hate him, never talk to him again, run away and come back home. He loves them and I pray he will never hurt them like that. I also hope that his new miss thing will never seek to be a mom to my children because I might have been fired as his wife, but the job of mother is not open.
For myself I pray ; May I have the love of my life soon.
I do not care what he says. I deserve to have someone who loves me and someone who will appreciate the love I have to give them.
I will wait until I am 100% free though because I am not a cheater . I have never been a cheater, and I never will be.

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Blogs by chatty: keep your fingers crossed Hello again Long time no blog. where is the top of this hill for today I choose to be happy. well, here's my vent for the night. get out of my mind you thoughts. this is no advertisment. Thank God I'm alive. I could be dead now. Wishes for a better 2008 update and venting II update and venting It's saturday and I am home alone. ekkkkk I'm feeling bumbed , lonely and silly so beware. in the quiet of the night I can't help but think and wonder Sad and Glad pondering something time goes on beds get made time to blog it was bitter sweet saturday. Once a jerk always a jerk revelations Go figure When you thought you were at the end of your rope you remember how to climb. sorry but I need to vent.