High school was rough. I got picked on by everyone. People made fun of my "moustache" and teased me more when it was gone.
There was the "Teen Wolf" names still and then the hundred dollar rumour. The "cool" people befriended me but it didn't last 'cause I was too scared to try the drugs with them. While they were getting stoned, I was throwing back the Tequila.
I really just wanted to fit in somewhere. But I didn't.
No matter who I was friends with, no matter what I was doing, I was unhappy.
I had tried to commit suicide. My friends had to get dad.
I spent three days in the hospital then had to see Roxanne (a counsellor) again. Oh how life sucked. Why did it happen?
I wrote this poem that night.
HAPPY SEVENTEENTH
Another birthday is slowly creeping near;
Another birthday, another year.
Slowly the calendar pages are turning,
Into adulthood a young woman is burning.
Sixteen years living on Earth
a precious life was formed at birth.
Slowly approaching year seventeen
the birth of this child no longer a dream.
The years are passing slowly by
as your baby grows, you want to cry.
You've hard times, fun times, others too
one day she'll be gone, saying goodbye to you.
Happy Seventeenth to your little girl
with a bat of an eyelash a teardrop will curl.
Your little girl is growing fast
but her love will forever last.
What was the meaning of this poem?
Was it written for dad? For mom?
For my sadness?
Why did I feel so all alone?
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read more blogs!
Blogs by poeticcougar:
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| Why I will NEVER attend a high school reunion |
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Philosopher8659
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Nov 18 @ 2:09PM
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The one place that one should worry about where they fit in, it should be their own cloths. 
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Sugar_Lee
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Nov 18 @ 2:14PM
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I'm sorry your young teen years were sorryful. IMine had it's times but I always seemed to fit somewhere. I am so glad you did not succeed that night and I love who you are today. And now you have the love of a god man and a loving son, so it has all made you who you are. Poor Dad and Mom, you sure gave them grey hair...I love you more and more as I get to know more about you! 
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Sugar_Lee
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Nov 18 @ 2:16PM
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God man is true but I meant good man.... my laptop is hard to type on.. I loved the poem even though it is sad how it came to be written..
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blkfoot1954
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Nov 18 @ 2:50PM
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I for one am so glad you are still here.You are like a daughter to me.I am so happy you have found your love and you are getting married to him.
I know that high school years are so hard to go through,kids are mean to each other.I know that first hand also.I went to my high school reunion,and had a great time.It was quite interesting to see the ones who threw stones at others.Sometimes it seems as if they have all that they want,but they really don't.A lot of the time they are jealous because you can be yourself and they can't.As long as you can be YOU,then it should not matter.I had finally found out why some of them didn't like me back then,it was funny..They thought I was going to take their boyfriends from them..The farthest thing from the truth..I didn't want them ..lololol..
Hugsssssssss daughter and be so very Proud of who you are..
Love Feetz
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poeticcougar
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Nov 18 @ 2:54PM
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Feetz,
I went back to my high school town when Christian was 4. I ran into one of the guys who used to pick on me and he was brutal when he did. He apologized profusely for it and said he didn't keep in touch with his "cool" friends anymore as he only did it to fit in and yet hated himself for it through the years. 3 years ago he committed suicide. It broke my heart that the one person who hurt me, was also hurting.
Thanks for your words! Luv ya!
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daisy315
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Nov 18 @ 2:56PM
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My class reunion was held on the 3rd of November.. and like all the ones before.. the "have nots" did not recieve invitations.. I would not have gone even if I had recieved one.. those people were cruel and hateful in high school.. and they haven't changed a bit in 30 years..not worth wasting my time or money..
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Sugar_Lee
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Nov 18 @ 3:07PM
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I went to my 40th and had a ball. But I will not go back. I just wanted to see what happened to all the ones that thought they were so hot and to tell the guy that dumped me just before the Senor prom a little hello. It was to funny, I think I did a blog once on it.. 
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Sugar_Lee
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Nov 18 @ 3:09PM
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Your right only some can get by with posting those kinds of blogs.  This is much more better! 
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530Meliss
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Nov 18 @ 3:11PM
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I hope you've found your friends and family now. It saddens me to read about so much pain.
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GigglesLikeElmo
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Nov 18 @ 3:30PM
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I'm so sorry you had to go high school in the way you did. Unfortunately, I feel your pain all too well. You sound exactly like I was in high school. It wasn't one attempt, it was many, but it doesnt matter. What matters is that you've found happiness with who you are now, and where you are. Don't worry about fitting in, which I'm sure you've learned. Just worry about being you. Theres a quote that goes "Be who you are, and say what you think, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" So true....Did I ever tell you you remind me of my aunt? You really really do. I don't know why. Theres just something about who I've seen of you in your blogs that just reminds me so much of her. It's a good thing don't worry. She's one of the coolest people I know. :)
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honeybear285
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Nov 18 @ 3:48PM
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Just passing through leaving you a hug
Honeybear
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Skydognc
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Nov 18 @ 3:55PM
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I wrote a blog once, about not being able to go to my reunion, because I cannot face, what I did to them back then!
there are no words, suitable enough!
I called the blog....."the bully" .for good reason.
people everywhee are hurting. even here in blogland. The decision I made today wasnt easy, and I know, some wont understand!
What I am very greatful for, is being here, and getting to know you and Z.
You just dont know, how much you have touched our lives here in Salisbury!
it bothers me to even entertain the notion, that had you gone a different path, our meeting would have never happened.
You just have no clue, how many you impact in your lifetime!
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cartay25
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Nov 18 @ 4:15PM
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You are not alone dear Cougar. I am so glad that you are still here and with us now. All of my years in school were a nightmare and I wouldn't go to a reunion even if they invited me. I didn't fit in with any group because I was too poor, from a broken home, not cool enough and overweight. I had to be around them then but you couldn't pay me enough to be around them now by choice.
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wonderbunny
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Nov 18 @ 4:46PM
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Good blog. High school sucked for me too. I was picked on for being a teachers pet, which I don't think was true, and when I was at home my parents got on me for not making better grades like my two older sisters had done. My class has not, and probably never will, have a reunion. Although I have made peace with what happened, I have no desire to see most of them again. I still have flashbacks from those years, but even they are getting better.
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ronryandsadryarone
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Nov 18 @ 5:48PM
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No one on MD is more fortunate than I am that you didn't succeed. Well, maybe you are, but I'm a close second.
Putting all my personal feelings aside: The world would be a much darker place without you in it. If only you could have known back then the impact you would have on all the lives you have touched since then.
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teddybearagain
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Nov 18 @ 7:52PM
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Luv Ya Coug
You're a strong lady, have a
heart of gold and I'm honored
to call you friend.
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fenderchick
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Nov 18 @ 8:00PM
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Awwwww, sis, I'm sorry you had such a rough time. I was picked on right until grade 8, it stopped cause I started mouthing back. That poem reminds me of some I wrote back then. I still have them too,xoxoxox. 
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