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Rascal Flatts --Winner At A Losing Game
Baby, look here at me - have you ever seen me this way
I've been fumblin' for words through the tears & the hurt & the Pain
I'm gonna lay it all out on the line tonight & I think that it's time to tell this uphill fight goodbye
[CHORUS]
Have ever had to love someone that just don't feel the same
Tryin' to make somebody care for you, the way I do Is like tryin' to catch the rain
And if love is really forever -- I'm a winner at a losin' game
I know that baby, you tried to find me somewhere inside of you
But you know you can't lie [Girl] Boy, you can't hide the truth
Sometimes two hearts just can't dance to the same beat , so I'll pack up my things and I'll take what remains of me
[Repeat Chorus]
I know that I'll never be the [man] woman that you need or love
Yeah, baby it's killin' me to stand here and see I'm not what you've been dreamin' of
Continuation of Part 1 .. which I used the song And the Thunder Rolled....She left the children to get ready and started downstairs slowly hoping that the air would have been cleared by now & things would just fall into place and flow as they normally had. But in her heart, she knew this was not to be.
When she rounded the corner from the last step, Alan was hurrying to get past her to the door. “I need to get to the plant early, I have a big job,” he grumbled. She stood silently not wanting to start another fight before he left. As he slammed the door, a tear slid down her cheek, she shook it away & marched toward the kitchen. She wanted to fix breakfast for the kids before she, too, had to leave for work. Mark bounded down the stairs, grabbed his keys from the dish, kissed Justine on the cheek and said, “later mom, no time for breakfast.” Laura came quietly down the stairs dragging herself to the counter and sat, without enthusiasm, and said, “just coffee mom, I should probably be on my way too.”
Once they left, Justine headed to get her car keys & leave for work when the first tear escaped, opening a flood gate of emotions. By the time she got in her car, she was sobbing hard. She put the key in the ignition & turned the engine over. She drove in a sort of half crying, half depressed mood to her office. Once she parked the car and stepped out into the air, she looked in the rearview mirror at her swollen eyes and streaked makeup and couldn’t remember the ride in. She knew she better duck into the ladies room before she sat at her desk.
She put her hand on the handle to the ladies room saying a silent prayer that no other coworker was there. She quickly pulled the door open & sighed -she was alone. She turned the lock on the door knowing full well if any one came they would wonder what that was all about, but for the time being she just didn’t care. She walked up to the mirror & ran the water in the basin until it was very cold. Taking a paper towel out of the dispenser & soaking it, she held that to her eyes hoping it would take the redness away. She combed her hair & applied a small amount of blush to her cheeks and practiced her “good morning” and the phony smile that she needed to pass off to the other people in the office. She sighed.. it would have to do. She walked into the secretarial area, and gave it her best try. She received several good morning returns and was happy that no one in the office noticed her state of anxiety. She set about her duties for the day and organizing her priorities. She was happy to be this busy at work as it would certainly take her mind away from what she knew she must face tonite.
At lunch she thought that perhaps she might call Alan and ask if they could eat out tonite so that they could talk. She picked up the phone and dialed the number to his work plant. The secretary at the desk didn’t recognize her voice as she had not called all that often in the 25 years she and Alan had been married. His thought on this was that work was work and calls to there should only be for emergencies and Justine had respected his train of thought. “I’m sorry, Alan is out sick today, can someone else in his department help you?” was the reply. Justine was stunned for the moment, and then she said, “perhaps, Andrea can answer my question?” .. Oh, I’m really sorry, Andrea left early this morning and won’t be returning, can I take a message?” Justine found herself fighting back tears once again and managed to say, “no, thank you, I will just call back tomorrow,” and hung up. Justine idly replaced the phone back to the cradle and grabbed her purse and car keys and went outside to think. She had asked for Andrea because of the scent she thought she recognized when she passed Alan last night. At the last Christmas party, Alan had left Justine quite often saying there were some “shop matters” he needed to spend a few moments talking with his coworkers about and promised he would not be long. Justine remembered seeing Alan standing with Andrea and Jake laughing. Another wife that Justine knew then came up and when Justine turned around again, Alan and Andrea were no longer with Jake and when Alan came back, he leaned over and said that it was time to go. Thinking of those occurrences, other times came to her mind and Justine, at that very moment, knew that her life was about to take yet another turn.
Over the last 15 years of the 25 she and Alan had been together, Justine knew of 2 other affairs. Each time that Justine discovered those affairs and confronted Alan, she was promised that it would be ended and when it continued and the arguing started again, the blame was always shifted back to her, the affair was because Alan deserved “better than Justine”, he deserved someone that would understand him, he deserved more. When the situation escalated to the point of separation is when each affair ended.
Justine was never really sure of her own self worth from the time she was a young woman and when Alan asked her out, she had to pinch herself to realize it was true. They had a rather long engagement as Alan’s mother wanted it that way, and whatever Alan’s mother wanted, she got.
The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it's the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friend.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes (American Poet, Lecturer and Essayist, 1803-1882)
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| Winner at a Losing Game... continuation & pickup from And the Thunder Rolled |
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