This is the last of my short creative writing.. the other links, if you are interested..
And the Thunder Rolled.. Part I
Part 2 .. And the Thunder Rolled
Justine was never really sure of her own self worth from the time she was a young woman and when Alan asked her out, she had to pinch herself to realize it was true. They had a rather long engagement as Alan’s mother wanted it that way, and whatever Alan’s mother wanted, she got.
Funny, how in life we ignore what we feel because at the time of those feelings, we want something else so badly we can taste it. Thinking back now, Justine remembered those instances when little stingy feelings went off in her brain in the beginning of her relationship with Alan. "Stop it", she commanded herself. "Finish work and go home and make a nice supper and afterwards ask Alan to sit and talk". As if by thought transference, the day went by quickly and Justine thanked the powers that be for the busy-ness of the day.
On her drive home, Justine felt disjointed, thoughts of what she would say to Alan racing through her mind. When she finished picking up some groceries and pulled in the driveway, she already had a pretty good idea of what she would say to him. She opened the door and the light on the answering machine was flashing. She went over and clicked the button. "Hi, mom & dad" (it was Laura) "just a quick call to let you know that Mark and I will be home late. We were invited to a study group / pizza quest. Love ya." Justine thought this was a sign and set about on the task of making a nice meal.
It was late when Alan finally pulled into the drive. He rushed past Justine without a glance. "I'm moving out." Justine looked stunned. She turned, followed Alan to the bedroom and watched as he grabbed some shirts and jeans from the closet. "Don't try to stop this Justine", Alan said in a voice filled with contempt. "You know this should have happened a long time ago." Justine sat on the edge of the bed; fighting hard to keep her voice on an even tone while also battling with the tears that were looming, she looked at Alan and said: "Are you moving in with Andrea?"
Alan swung around so quickly, Justine almost lost her balance on the bed. "Yes, I am..what? have you been spying on me? Did you look in the workshop again for cards, receipts, notes?" "That is what you are good at Justine.. face it! Nothing gets past you!" Justine slowly spoke. "Alan, I'll admit to looking through the shop because of suspicions I had during the "Judy" days, but that first affair fueled my inner voice and I saw taletale signs once again." "I hated myself for looking for proof, but I can't explain to you or anyone for that matter, what it feels like to sense these things.. it is then that you search for proof, not so much to be right about the affair, but to be proven wrong."
"You bi*ch!" Alan said. "If you had been more loving, more giving, more FUN, I would never have gone searching for what you lacked." Justine replied, "face it Alan, any excuse is a good one. Perhaps if I spoke about "boners" with a group of people that are sloshed outta their minds and grabbed your ass while you were bowling, that would have been the impetus to keeping us on a loving path?" "I apologize for not being enough. But, I was never a part of your family, I was always the outsider and even your brother's wife feels the same. But this isn't about who we are as people, it is about what we want in life."
"Damn straight" Alan almost spit the words out. At that moment, Justine knew that this is how the remainder of their relationship would be and the finality came crashing in around her. "I'll find a lawyer and file the papers as soon as I can." "This is going to be rough on the kids."
"I disagree" said Alan.. "I plan on introducing them to Andrea as quickly as possible, after all she is a wonderful woman and I want them to love her as much as I do." Something in those words snapped Justine's thought and made her blood rush to her head. "Are you fckn outta your mind? You actually want to sit the kids down and say, 'look, your mom and I aren't on a loving path, but I met this really wonderful lady and I am moving in with her and want you to meet her because I know you will love her also? Are you fckn insane?"
"You are a bitter, angry fckd up woman" Alan shot back "it's why I have always sought someone more deserving of my love. I'll be back later for the rest of my things." And he walked out.
Justine sat and wept, but knew this was the end of their life together....while Stevie Nicks voice kept singing in the background...
I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Till the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life
Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too
Oh, take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
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| Landslide.. Part III of The Death of Love.... |
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