Lost, Abandoned, Forgotten and Forsaken
Wandering lost thru the fog of my life, I wonder if it is all worth it or if I should just surround to what fate has decreed. Is all love just an illusion or is it something only for those who are pure of heart and soul. Either way then I am damned twice over for I am not pure of anything and I cant tell illusion from reality any more. All has become a waking nightmare. Once I thought I could not live without you then I found that there was life after you. Once I found that life was possible you step back in for only moment and every thing goes straight back into hell. Your presence broke all my convictions of accepting fate and walking away. You have broken something inside of me and I do not think it can be fixed not sure if I want it fixed anymore maybe just maybe I am better off broken and not being able to care and feel for another person. Doubts have become my second nature, trust has become an allusive thing, my heart lives in perpetual fear of being torn and shattered.my soul has turn black with the dried tears of blood I have shed because of you. I thought my tears were gone but that is something you have shown me how to do again. Cry like i have never cried before feeling my soul bleeding as each tear falls from my face into a puddle of pain at my feet.Thru this fog that my life has become i see only what slams into me during the night and only for a fleeting moment I can feel ... something ... and then it is gone and all that is left is pain and isolation. I have become nothing more than a mere ghost of myself. Weak and defenseless before you, I sit and wish you would just end my pain one way or another. walk away forever and just let me fade away. I WANT TO LIVE!!! said Frankenstein's monster and I understand that statement more now than ever. I know the what that poor soul was feeling all to well because all I feel is pain and despair. I wish to run away to escape from you and the nightmare those feeling for you have become. "WHY CANT YOU JUST LEAVE ME THE f*** ALONE !!!" I scream into the silent night that my life has become. My emotions betray me, My heart has become a traitor, My soul has been charred by what you have done. so why cant I just ignore your cries, why cannot I just walk away when you say you hurt and that you are missing me? When this is what you do to me EVERY DAMN TIME! So I walk into the fog of my life wondering what is next. There is a glimmer ahead , a light that just might lead me from this darkness. A flicker here and a flicker there and as I dare to reach out again that light vanishes into nothing. Alone I am always alone in this nightmare that I cannot wake from. Stumbling through my dark enshrouded life from one pain filled happening to the next. One day I may trip and fall never to rise, to only give up all that I am and ever was, but we all know that it is never that easy never a peaceful passing. I came screaming into this world and I will go screaming from it, fighting and struggling for life just as I came in. So I stumble and fall only to get back up and stumble onward. I whisper into the night "Is this all life has for one such as I?" and the night answers me with nothing more than a gasp and a sigh...
So onward my life goes...
Mordechai Kiran
Dj Forsaken
Anti-Cupid
Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)
|
|
read more blogs!
Blogs by Forsaken_Heart:
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Lost, Abandoned, Forgotten and Forsaken |
|
|
|
|