I have been divorced almost 4 years now. I grieved hard at first, did the normal trying to get it back together stuff the first year, moved on the next year, and now have settled into raising my children and being able to somewhat get along with their Dad as I do so.
That was until today.
Today he came to drop my son off early and wanted to visit with our daughter for a few minutes so he came in to talk to her.
They were having a slight argument and I overheard him saying, "I should have divorced your mother years ago and I am sorry I didn't and you had to hear things at an older age instead of when you were younger when you wouldn't have understood as much." He went on, but I don't even want to repeat anymore. It only took a few moments for me to go pick his keys up off my table by the door and march into the den and throw them at him and order him out.
He was stunned and I said, "You have said enough. Now get out and don't come back any further than the end of my driveway."
My daughter told him that she had heard enough bashing of her mother to last a lifetime and that since I never did it in return he should be ashamed.
I told him...."I have never hated you until this moment. I gave you almost 15 years of my life, two great kids, a home, gave up all my dreams of finishing college and everything to help you with your's. I gave up everything to move with you every time you got a wild hair. I worked hard to help you get through Bible college even when I couldn't go myself. I worked so hard to please you and get you to love me like you had swore you did until we married, but no."
He said, "I always wanted a family and you knew that. I wanted kids and I gave them everything after they were born. I guess I didn't think of you anymore. I really just wanted them."
That was worse than him slapping me across my face. It is one thing to always wonder if he/she loves you or loved you.....it is completely different to hear them admit in front of you that they did not. Especially when you gave it your everything and feel cheated suddenly.
I threw him out of my house, but if I could have been a man for 10 minutes I would have beaten him something fierce. I just wish he could feel the hurt he did to me all those years and have to keep in mind that KARMA is a BITCH!
Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)
|
|
read more blogs!
Blogs by suthunsweet:
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Why after all these years????? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
cowboy2x4
|
Dec 2 @ 2:25PM
|
|
|
Dogs come in both male and female....plain and simple,cut and dry!
|
|
burdinep
|
Dec 2 @ 2:27PM
|
|
|
im sorry that that happened to you i really am....the same kinda happend to me also except my wife told me i was to poor and too ugly to remain with....i felt crushed as well but it will get better and some man will eventually sweep you off your feet.
|
|
Angel603
|
Dec 2 @ 2:28PM
|
|
Hell hath no fury like a man who's just had his life story read to him. Think nothing of his response, it was purely reflex. My ex-husband did the same to me but he took it all back later. We all wonder sometimes if they ever really loved us, I wonder myself now if I ever loved him. Nine years down the line I really don't care anymore and I don't waste time thinking about it. When the heat dies down you will realise happiness is seeing your ex's ass disappearing up the driveway. Take care of you and your kids and don't waste anymore energy on his selfish ways. 
|
|
cowboy2x4
|
Dec 2 @ 2:29PM
|
|
Only God has the right to take years from our lives....NOT OUR EX'S!!
|
|
Injuneer
|
Dec 2 @ 2:31PM
|
|
Anger, resentment, regret, fear ... those are just some of the motivations that causes both men and women to occasionally drop their guard and say things in front of children that they know they never should. There's never a good excuse, it's just part of being a human being with all the weaknesses and fabilities we all have. Some are stronger, some weaker, but it's inside all of us.
I tried for years to be civil to my 'x' but she bore such resentment that she could never let it go and we are now in the period where the children are choosing sides. Nobody will blame you for your feelings, his behavior was terrible, but unexcuseable? From this distance it's impossible to know the facts, but you can bet there is a story that is not yet fully known.
While, at this moment it seems unlikely, the one thing you should try to keep in mind is the attitude of the children. Children mirror us in far too many ways and if they learn to resent their father they may never find a way to forgive and try to have some kind of relationship with him. Doing what's best for the little people is never easy, but I hope for their sake and the sake of your own peace of mind you find a way ..... in years to come they will thank you for that .........
|
|
CHARLIgurl1
|
Dec 2 @ 2:34PM
|
|
I believe in mind over matter.... and if you don't mind about him.. then he don't matter!
Yes, the past especially past marriages take a huge chunk of our lives, and it isn't that easy to just forgive and forget.
My Ex left me for a woman half my age, then three months later regretted it and tried to come crawling back. Of course, he had no chance.
Now Ive met a wonderful man and I'm truly very happy, and to be able to be happy deep down I also have to let go of the past.
I'm not angry at my ex any more.. cos I don't care about him enough to.
Let go of your anger and move on and be happy.
|
|
graygoast
|
Dec 2 @ 2:39PM
|
|
Give up the hate dear  Vengance is a dish best served cold 
|
|
chris549547
|
Dec 2 @ 2:44PM
|
|
forget what he says,,karma WILL come around and bite him in the a$$,he wnts you to be bitter,dont give him the pleasure
|
|
ragtopcookie
|
Dec 2 @ 2:46PM
|
|
|
i would have loved to been there to see this go down.......i myself tried to invite my ex in my house to try and get along.....and as you see.....theres always a reason to regret it.....so after i learned that valuable lesson....it was just better that she wait outside and the kids come out to her......and i stayed outside of her house as well.....lessoned learned....cookie
|
|
suthunsweet
|
Dec 2 @ 2:47PM
|
|
|
Doing what's best for the little people is never easy, but I hope for their sake and the sake of your own peace of mind you find a way ..... in years to come they will thank you for that .........
In, I have been trying to do this for years. I gave up Childsupport in lieu of giving him half custody and we split their expenses. It has been struggle because alot of times he "doesn't have any money". Anyway....he has called both the kids since he left and told my daughter....."I think that was rather productive. Don't you? Perhaps it cleared the air a bit."
A few minutes later he called and talked to our son and told him, "Just checking in on you and making sure your Mom hasn't gone off on you or anything. She was rather in a bad mood when I left."
I got myself together after this and told them I was sorry for yelling. My daughter is on up in age and she said, "What he did was wrong, and he said he wasn't sorry when you walked out. He told me to see how you are. You don't owe me an apology."
Still, I have tried to not let them see me upset or hear me say anything harsh or negative about him or to him. Today was an exception.
|
|
suthunsweet
|
Dec 2 @ 2:50PM
|
|
|
.lessoned learned....cookie Same here! Isn't that awful. Divorce is hard enough, especially on the kids. It would have better to have been able to have been somewhat decent for the kids' sakes. I forgot I was dealing with an a$$.
|
|
cowboy2x4
|
Dec 2 @ 2:55PM
|
|
|
check the laws ,certain states,no man can do without supporting his child...no bargains,this money is the child's money...thats what a lawyer told me.
|
|
suthunsweet
|
Dec 2 @ 3:04PM
|
|
|
It's a done deal. Set up in the papers that he is just supposed to pay half of all their expenses. I Have seen more than one attorney already as my daughter now lives with me fulltime.
|
|
brunettee62
|
Dec 2 @ 3:10PM
|
|
Not easy to have to deal with those type of circumstances.
Could someone else be there to help with the visits?
Maybe that would relieve you of the confrontations?
|
|
suthunsweet
|
Dec 2 @ 3:21PM
|
|
|
We've been through all that years ago and had been somewhat amicable the last year so that we could just drop the kids off or stop by and see them outside the other's house. Till today.
|
|
RVerwolf
|
Dec 2 @ 3:33PM
|
|
I know it is hard...(especially when the "other" has so much hate and anger)...not to become angry and bitter yourself...but, (as Injen said) one must make special effort not to "influence" the children "adversely"...
Sometimes it does become a "damned if ya do/ damned if ya don't" situation...but, they (the children) will eventually "disrespect" you if /when they realize your "hatred" was excessive...
It is much "better", Hon...to let the "other" person rattle their sabre...and don't "play" into it beyond what you have...The kids will grow to respect you for that...and realize his "behavior" is the "falsehood"...
Good Luck! 
|
|
Godless
|
Dec 2 @ 4:13PM
|
|
|
Good job! It feels good to get all of that out on the EX. I don't do any bashing of him to my kids either... in fact, I've got to tell them to shut up sometimes because they are just being to negative about a man who really does love them. But, when it comes to him personally? He can't hurt me anymore, hasn't been able to in a while... but I don't let him get away with his insinuations of my lack of intelligence anymore. He thinks I'm stupid an incompetent because I never went to college (other than 270 hours of real estate), then I have to remind him that I've made about 3 times as much money over the years than he ever thought about making and never got fired or arrested... who's the dummy?
|
|
suthunsweet
|
Dec 2 @ 4:46PM
|
|
A big "thank you" to all of you for allowing me to vent and all the good pep talks. It is alot better to do it on here wordlessly than rant in front of the kids.
I made a point in the beginning not to bash him or allow others to do so in front of the kids if I knew about it. I can't say I was perfect on it, but I have done well and have apologized for the times I have to him in front of them.
He has never done that for me. In fact because he is a minister he had to save face and told everyone I was running around on him. I kept quiet and waited. Two weeks after our separation he showed up at church with his new girlfriend. No one ever saw me with anyone and after all the sympathy he had received and the shunning I had taken he went from victim to villain in one hour. The truth always comes out eventually.
|
|
suthunsweet
|
Dec 2 @ 4:47PM
|
|
|
Godless: I have read a lot of your blogs and I want to say something.....don't ever let anyone put you down for being stupid. You are one of the most intelligent people I know in the common sense department and that is the one that counts the most.
|
|
findme4u2
|
Dec 2 @ 5:15PM
|
|
|
I know how you feel, I have been hurt bad like that too. Would have rather been shot in the heart. But this guy really needs to spend some time in a jail cell with BUBBA and all his friends!!!
|
|
hunt4luv
|
Dec 3 @ 5:30PM
|
|
Heres a big hug for you southern sweet. I pray It takes some of the hurt and lonely away. 
|
|