Ingredients: 1 Gallon Whiskey (I suggest you use your personal favorite, I did 
),
1 cup water, 1 cup sugar, 4 large eggs, 2 cup dried fruit, 1 teaspoon baking soda, 1 teaspoon salt, 1 cup brown sugar, lemon juice, Nuts,
1) Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
2)Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality. Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat.
3)Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another cup.
4)Turn off the mixer. Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
5)Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares. Check the whiskey.
6)Now sift lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
7)Don' t forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl out the window.
8)Check the whiskey again. Go to bed.
Who the heck likes fruitcake anyway?
Recipe By Cynthia Bowan
