~Things 2007 Taught Me~ posted 12/4/2007 9:31:35 PM | 3 kudos what's this?     report abuse

LipGlossQueen9

I didn't expect much from 2007; 2006 was a whole lot of hell in a handbasket. Truth be told, I spent the last few days of 2006 having a one night stand in a hotel room, regretting it the next day, and then getting terribly drunk on New Year's Eve and at midnight, running outside and doing a terrible Ric Flair "WOO!" that would've made him want to kill me slowly and painfully.

2006 was, to be honest, the worst year of my life.

So it only made sense for me not to expect much of 2007.

But 2007 has turned out to be one of the most interesting years I have ever had, though it really, when I look back on it, wasn't a "good year".

Coming into 2007, I realised it wasn't a good idea to have sex with a man who you don't know in a hotel room.

As the year went on, I realised I was overweight one night as I stood up on my bed and looked at myself in my bedroom mirror. "Jesus Christ", I muttered to myself. I then proceeded to get the tape measure in the kitchen. Waist = 40". Hips= 48". Shocked, I proceeded to the scale. 200 lbs. Oh lord, 200 lbs. Not many college age girls can say they've been there. I realised that I had truly let a man control me, through all my years of swearing to myself I never would.

With March came my 20th birthday and the realisation that even though I was never really a child, society will not allow me to try to have a childhood anymore. 20 was a hard age to hit.....and confusing. On one hand, people told me I was too adult to be a child, but people here accused me of being naive, and called me a child all the time.

2007 taught me that not everyone will like you, and that there is no way that you can make them do so. You just have to deal with it and be yourself anyway, and be proud.

On that point, during 2007, I read Mein Kampf and fell into the White Nationalist movement. I began to call my hatred "pride". I associated with this group because I felt like there was nothing I had to change about myself to fit in with them. I was white, wasn't I? But I would soon learn that I DID change, and indeed for the worse. 2007 taught me that pretending to be someone you're not is one of the worst things you can do to yourself.

The White Nationalist Movement led me to a man in June. He has allowed me to see that not all men are evil and not all men are out to screw me. Yes, him and I have problems sometimes, but I love him with all my heart and I am certain that I don't want to lose him. He is the first man that I know personally that I trust.

I learned in 2007 that I will never be THAT girl. I will never be tall, long-legged, naturally blond, and blue-eyed. I will never be that girl that stops men in their tracks, and so I have to deal with what I am...and that is an insanely smart, uniquely beautiful, funny, eccentric, spiritual, and passionate individual who loves her fellow man and cares about the world around her.

2007 was the year that I learned to separate my true friends from the people that just want to use and hurt me.

2007 was the year I attempted suicide four separate times and never told anyone or talked about it until now because I was afraid of being accused of being a "Drama queen" or being told to "stop the pity party".

In 2007 I learned that I DO suffer from bipolar disorder, and not only that, but that it limits me and I have to learn what my limits are...and let my support system know. I also learned that when I want to talk about it...I will...and I will not be ashamed, even though there are those that will accuse me of "spewing my personal business everywhere" because they secretly are afraid of the stigma that comes with mental illness.

At the end of 2007, I forgave Dan.

In 2007, I learned that my parents are jealous of me and it hurts more than I could ever imagine.

2007 is a year I'll never forget...but I want it to be over. I'm eager for 2008, for elections and a new start.

Here's to a new year.

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Blogs by LipGlossQueen9: Body Dysmorphic Disorder - Why We're Not "Just Seeking Attention" ~In 2008, I Will....~ Child Killing Bastards (May Be Mildly Offensive To Some) There's Nothing Left To Do Now... Merry Christmas, And Ron Paul Spammers Stop Giving Unwanted Advice. They Call It Unwanted For A Reason. Re: Mental Health Christmas Carols I Am Confounded!!!! ~Take This Money And Shove It~ Holy s***...Boycott TMZ NOW ~It Was 27 Years Ago Today....~ Political Stance- "I Don't Care" ~Things 2007 Taught Me~ Nobody Loves You When You're Down And Out ~All Things Must Pass...A Look At The Quiet Beatle~ Ah, Girlish Games What's Wrong With America Today? Of course.... ~An Ode To Generation Y~ My Thoughts On Ten Years Since Montreal The Subject of Obesity, From an Overweight Woman's Point of View Obama "Too White"? ~This Is My Life~ My Family's Reaction to the Candidates ~I Don't Care~