Okay this blog is the result of a conversation with another MDer based on their blog.
And I got to thinking about love and finding out that there are, supposedly, different kinds of love (well I kind of knew that).
But, really, some of the stuff I read is kind of disheartening.
(BTW, if you look up love in the dictionary there are about a gazillion definitions.)
Compassionate vs. Passionate Love
According to psychologist Elaine Hatfield and her colleagues, there are two basic types of love: compassionate love and passionate love. Compassionate love is characterized by mutual respect, attachment, affection, and trust. Compassionate love usually develops out of feelings of mutual understanding and shared respect for each other.
Passionate love is characterized by intense emotions, sexual attraction, anxiety, and affection. When these intense emotions are reciprocated, people feel elated and fulfilled. Unreciprocated love leads to feelings of despondence and despair. Hatfield suggests that passionate love is transitory, usually lasting between 6 and 30 months.
According to Hatfield, passionate love arises when cultural expectations encourage falling in love, when the person meets your preconceived ideas of an ideal lover, and when you experience heightened physiological arousal in the presence of the other person.
Ideally passionate love then leads to compassionate love, which is far more enduring. While most people desire relationships that combine the security and stability of compassionate with the intensity of passionate love, Hatfield suggests that this is rare. Other sources say that compassionate love is ...love without conditions..... spiritual love or universal love. It has nothing to do with whether you like the person or not...you would still show compassionate love to a person regardless of if you liked them.  A good thing.
Hmmm............. "passionate love" the type of love most of us think of first, is basically characterized by intense sexual attraction, anxiety, some possesiveness, affection (you like the person) and it has conditions attached to it(Hatfield didn't mention the conditions but that seems somewhat obvious and it's mentioned elsewhere). Not bad if you get rid of the anxiety and too much possesiveness. But then you still have the conditions that when not fulfilled spell the end of "love".
Bummer. 
Okay so, ignoring Hatfield, why can't an initial "love" which is passionate then move into a more unconditional "passionate" form of love for that person?
Isn't that what we are all aiming for?
Hmmm....does that make any sense??
Otherwise, you (not you specifically), really can't or wouldn't sustain a one on one kind of love for any length of time. Because it seems that it would always be somewhat destructive (that possesiveness and the conditions). And pretty much be doomed to end.
And the compassionate love that is labeled universal love is wonderful and I'm all for it but it seems to really be completely different from the love you feel specifically for a life partner.
So any way, it goes round and round. You can find all kinds of descriptions of and definitions for love in all of its forms but what are you looking for ? 
And do you think that what most people think of as love is really all that conditional and therefore doomed to end? 
Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)
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| Love.....What is it?? What kind are you looking for? |
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freshstart2006
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Dec 17 @ 5:22PM
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I WANT BOTH LOVES!!!  
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Philosopher8659
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Dec 17 @ 5:26PM
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What is the same about these difference kinds such that you can all them all by the same name "love"?
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jimbo242
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Dec 17 @ 5:28PM
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Attraction, love, respect, things in common...who knows?
Medical terminology: IN HEAT!
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Philosopher8659
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Dec 17 @ 5:29PM
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HEAT? Isn't a can of Sterno often cheaper? 
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AttractedCentaur
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Dec 17 @ 5:31PM
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Hmmm ... too deep for a Monday for me. 
But worth thinking about ...
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MsLani
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Dec 17 @ 5:38PM
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Philosopher, my brain already hurts from trying to get some kind of grip on the loves I've mentioned! 
What is the same about these difference kinds such that you can all them all by the same name "love"?
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Philosopher8659
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Dec 17 @ 6:04PM
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Love is all the things two people do together to sustain and promote their lives. 
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RVerwolf
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Dec 17 @ 8:33PM
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hmmmm...Gave up on that "stuff"...too many "conditions and variables" to think, worry, and wonder about...Might be "nice", but....I'm just not "looking" anymore...A "good" friendship is "good enough" for this ol' fool anymore...and who knows?..."Those" have been known to grow into "something special"...sometimes...lol...
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equuisdancer
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Dec 17 @ 11:34PM
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"Love the one your with" and if I could figure out how to put up a link to the song There surely are different levels..or ways you feel love
I love my ...children ..and family differently than say my best friend ..when your in a relationship or married different again..but isn't that what makes life interesting and varied? And then there's the elusive search for love...I'm in total agreement with Wolf on that one..when and if it shows up run with it!!! but to search for it??? I'm not so sure that works!
Great thinkin' blog!!!
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MsLani
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Dec 17 @ 11:54PM
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Here ya go Dancer..Love the One You're With
So Dancer and Wolf , I kinda agree that seriously looking is usually frustrating and unproductive and thinking about the so-called differences in love will drive ya loopy
Dancer I used to have that love the one you're with philosophy many moons ago (that translates to in my 20's and 30's).
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equuisdancer
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Dec 18 @ 12:21AM
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Thanks La!!  but... Can we go to where all those palm trees are now??? 
That philosophy is still applicable if you apply it to all the different types of love there are!! Maybe the song should have been Be "happy" with the ones your with!!!
See your just to young to be one of us old 'hippie" thinking types!! 
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MsLani
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Dec 18 @ 12:33AM
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Now Dancer you know you love all that snow, it's so bracing, brrrrrrr
Hey I'm all for loving the one I'm with....if I was with someone  
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RVerwolf
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Dec 18 @ 1:35AM
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I think that most people have a "fantasy view" of Love when it comes to their "dream" situation. It's one thing to desire a certain "ideal"...and very much another to find it in the "real" world. ..just isn't very likely to happen at all...especially in "today's world"...where everyone has their own lil "tweaks" and differences of opinion...on simply "everything"...
Very much different from back in even my Grandparents day, where people grew up, raised in the same town/area and spent their whole lives very closely "related" and "in tune" with one another from the "get go" ...That's not hardly the case anymore.
Just look back, and honestly "evaluate" the "whys" it hasn't worked in the past for you...The largest, single most reason was/is: Differences of opinion/values that were based upon different upbringings. I know it appears "simplistic", but think about it.
Nope, I'd rather seek and find a "good" friend...than waste the rest of eternity, wishing for someone to wander past, that "fits" my fantasy "mate"...Besides...hee hee...all the "good" ones were taken...and "used up" a long time ago, anyway!
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newpatches
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Dec 18 @ 1:37AM
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A very dear friend of mine,in looking for love, coined the phrase "SUM OF ALL PARTS". Sorta deep I think but yet it fits my inner self. We look for all the parts we need and desire and it takes "my parts AND his parts"...the sum of them together that adds up to a love that works for both partners. He has what I'm missing and I have what he's missing and together they make the sum of all parts...or a solid foundation to build on.
I'm betting that those same words can be interpreted to each individuals thoughts. What they say to me may be different than what they say to someone else...yet each interpretation works for each individual.
I just like them though....they seem to work for me. Like wolf and dancer...I'm no longer looking. My peace with life has to come from within and happiness comes from having a piece of the cake....a partner would just be the icing....it enhances the cake but it isn't necessary to still enjoy it.
Maybe it's as simple as this....LOVE IS....period. It's active and productive...not destructive, obstructive or intrusive. Like the wind it is felt but not seen. Like the rain it washes clean the slate. I think the real foundation to a love relationship between a man and woman is common sense and common courtesey...the operative word here being "common"....as in the responsibility for both of these is commonly shared.
Now don't I just live in la la land...... 
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equuisdancer
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Dec 18 @ 1:57AM
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Oh..Oh...Wolfs' going to be knee deep in chit..for saing all us "good ones" are used up!!! Better Duck Wolf!!  I still 3 yrs later wonder WHY ..when I HAD a good one..for 30 some years,,they up and die to young!! Isn't that just a kick in the pants.!!.I'm sure Patches can relate! Awwww I know ther's a reason for everthing...isn't there?
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